Roll Call 70

hhehehehehehe spotify keeps playing music i liked in middle school. man i was so grimdark mcedgy in 2006.

I start thinking that my Ex is an abuser. Well, he never did any physical abuse to me but I did feel threatened by his words. He loved to criticize almost anything I said or at least correcting/adding something to my point of view. He wanted my companion all the time and he got frustrated when say, I was sleeping more than a normal hour of sleep because of meds. He hates the idea of resting, even for himself, he always like “Move! Move! Fast! Fast! Improve!”. But I hate that, well maybe that’s a tough love, I don’t know but I rarely feel appreciated by him. There is always flaw, something to correct. I once said to him “when you don’t know how to enjoy time by doing nothing, means you don’t have a peace in your soul”. He called me lazy after that. Well I don’t have peace in my soul as well but at least I admitted it. To be honest I don’t know whether he is an abuser or not, because for me the hardest thing about having a schizo is the delusions. Sure I can talk about this with my Pdoc/T but they would only make an opinion base on my story. I can turn him into a hero or a villain whenever I want. Hallucinations, I can handle them most of the time. But delusions, I would never be able to tell whether my thoughts are true or not.. How funny and interesting life is, right?

i got into an argument with my mom because she said shes doing something on the 29th of january that she found out about a few hours ago and i invited her already to goto san antonio to goto PAX South (which is a gaming convention). she completely blew me off and told me last week she didnt know.

the point being - she tells me no to go somewhere yet, (1) she went out of town last week on last moments notice to see my sister 10 hours away and (2) she decided a few hours ago to out of town on the weekend of PAX South (when she said she wasnt sure about doing anything).

it all comes down to never wanting to do anything with me. i even invited her to see me at her preferred time of day tomorrow. she said "idk".

im having a lot of stress right now between all these things happening in my life with people...

...my whole body hurts and i think im going to have to goto the doctor for a possible appendix pain or IBS or just gas. its been hurting for awhile now.

...in fact my whole body hurts.

another day, still havent called the bhc. if i keep missing homeworks like this i dont think my t will let me stay. im almost afraid hes trying to push me to find a therapist there instead of seeing him for free but ive never clicked with a t like this before and im scared. WOW dont tell me im getting clingy to a damn social worker fuvk i dont blame him i mean. why keep seeing me when im obviously backsliding i dont remembr the agreements we made for the pro bono thing but i think there was a thing about if i dont improve so much within a certain period then i have to go somewhere else? i dont know afhdjgl

Trying to think about making my life better while having schizophrenia. Would like to have someone to text that understands.

Um...

I have Dissociative Identity Disorder(multiple personalities)... Well that's a ****ing mix up if I've ever seen one. My God.

Well, as I don't really belong in here anymore I probably won't post in roll call anymore.

Wow, that must be a surprise. I'm sure you'll still be welcome here!

I feel in despair and freaked out. Even if I had lots of friends I still wouldn't feel OK.

You can always post here....

Sorry about the new dx...

Thank you both. I kind of don't know what to do with myself... or, well, selves... dear god in heaven **** this...

atypical youre still welcome here as far as im concerned. i hope things turn out ok with the new dx.

Thanks that's sweet.

I've never really gotten much help... Nobody ever asked me about a trauma history but yeah I have one... ****ing professionals...

I hear you, last time I met my Pdoc he said I MIGHT have bipolar (yes even with voices) and not schizophrenia. That's why my new meds contain depakote as a mood stabilizer. I can imagine how a new Dx is confusing for you right now Oh, and please stay

This is a good start

Hey, keep posting here. I'm not diagnosed anything I just have paranoia/delusions/occasional hallucinations and they haven't kicked me out!

Diagnosis doesn't really matter much here, I don't think.

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Regardless, you will always be welcome here.

I think it's quite ordinary for DID to take many years to diagnose, but I feel your pain.

PS - I'm just wondering, you know when you start typing with flight of ideas, or semi-nonsensical stuff. How is that explained by DID? I know hallucinations can be caused by DID but what about the cognitive stuff?

I don't know, other than I do have flashbacks and I'm not known for being coherent when I'm reliving my childhood. Or it could be rapid switching between alters too. Just some theories.

Thank you all for the support it really means a lot to me... Us.

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Good morning!

I talked to my mom last night and she's doing good

Going to group today

Good morning all.

I hope everyone has a good day!

Hello everyone

I wish you peace with your new dx.
As far as I'm concerned you can always post here. I enjoy your posts.

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I think bipolar is totally over diagnosed but that's just my non medical professional opinion lol. Does the Depakote help at all? I figure if it helps then why not take the pills? I still take AP's because they do help me somehow I'm just not sure why they help.


Labels have their uses sure but there's so much symptom overlap it's just crazy isn't it? The older I get the less I like labels.


Thank you for that, I really appreciate it.


I appreciate you all very much, this part of the forums has been nothing but kind/supportive to me during some really bad times and I'll always be grateful for the little roll call family we've got going on here. I'm not really a hugs person but for today: to all of you.

Good morning. Training for my new job today. I'm nervous definitely need a prn. I hope everyone has a good day

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You certainly do belong here. Youve been very helpful to people here and we to you. Hang in there.