Roll Call 72

Guys I'm so excited. I should have my own apartment by this spring. I'll be able to go to college in person. I'm going to also get signed up for classes at one of.the local Catholic.churches so I.can become Catholic officially and start going to church I'll have public transportation and access to any resources I could possibly need. I'll be by family, it's just all around going to.be really good for me

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good luck blue bird that sounds great for you. im sure your mother would be proud of you.

I have reflux and am on meds for that. The psych meds I take are horrible for pain and reflux. I use risperidone, valproic acid and Lamotrigine, all of which carry the risk of gastric problems.

I've been thinking and I think I've decided that I want a new cpn. For many non-delusional reasons. I think our relationship is detrimental to my health now. I don't like the way she talks to me, she's too confrontational, and I don't feel safe under her care. She's so against hospital that she puts me in danger. Last year there was a point in which I should have been put in hospital for my own safety, I was driving to a massive bridge everyday and staring into the water willing myself to jump off. I believed that I was going to go through a portal. I was so close to doing it. Somehow I managed to pull myself out of it, but my cpn didn't know that I would be able to do that. She knew what was happening and basically left me to it. If I didn't need help at those points in my life I wouldn't be with the service. She's meant to look out for me when I can't keep myself safe. But she just left me to it, and it could have ended 100% worse than it did. I need someone who is looking out for me and who doesn't make me feel like I'm doing everything for attention. Cos that's how she makes me feel.

All of that sounds great!! I am happy for you

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that sounds dangerous JustMe.

so she thought you were doing that for attention?

I don't know if she actually does or if that's just me being paranoid, but she just keeps pushing me to see how far I will go.
You're totally right newtus it is dangerous. I don't want to get to that point again and for her to do that again. It could end really badly

if im not doing well i usually say im "hospital material". like im material to be hospitalized. do you feel like that now?

im happy for you bluebird! i hope things go well for you and keep going well. you seem to be really optimistic.

That makes sense, no I don't feel like that at the minute, I'd just like to know that if I ever was that bad again that it would be considered and I would be kept safe

when i got this new therapist i asked her a lot of questions. like what was her schooling and experience. and about her personal life. just basic stuff to understand how she can better help me. im slightly uncomfortable that she doesnt have much experience or schooling.

do you think it would help you to sort of like ask a new cpn those sort of questions? maybe find out if they agree with sending you to the hospital and tell them about what you were doing at the time you needed to go to the hospital and also tell them your experience with this current cpn?

I can understand that I'd be uncomfortable with a person who had little experience. Is your therapist the person who would put you in hospital? I'm not certain what the equivalent is in the uk vs usa.
It might be a good idea to find out their view on those sorts of things from the beginning yeah. I need to know we're on the same page. I would want to tell them what I feel my cpn did wrong but they all work together and I imagine they stand up for each other so I wouldn't want to offend anyone or turn them against me.
I guess I don't want to be put in hospital, I just want to know that if it got that bad they would make the right decision. My current cpn wouldn't even let me talk to the crisis team which is a bit odd.

Yea thats a bit odd. Really odd, actually.

So, the counselor that put me in the hospital was the very first counselor I had at the clinic. My last one didnt put me in and i know this one wont unless I tell her I feel suicidal.

Btw i cant believe it but my counselor is 28! My last one was 32 and the one before that was like 55. They are just getting younger and younger on me. My counselor and I are practically the same age!!!

Is that what you want from them?
Personally I don't want to be threatened with hospital all the time, some people are too quick to jump to that, but I want someone who would consider it. It's like there should be a middle ground.
I don't know how to go about asking for a new cpn. I don't really want to talk to my current one as I don't want the confrontation but I don't know how else I would go about it

Wow that's strange. I don't know if that's a good thing or not haha

I want a middle ground too. One that can consider it but not push it.

Can you voice your concerns about the current one or at least voice your concerns about your current needs to a new one?

I think the reason my new therapist is so young is that shes only a counselor. All the therapists here are only counselors. So their only schooling is bachelors and maybe masters degree. Thats it. This one doesnt have much experience either. It seems like she just came right out of school to the clinic. In fact she said she only been working here for 2-3 years.

Good evening everyone. I will meet my Pdoc today, hopefully there won’t be any cancellation. I’ve been feeling unwell these couple of days, badly want to meet him since yesterday, but it was Chinese new year yesterday so anything was closed here. I am now writing a letter to be given to him tomorrow so that I won’t forget about things I need to say. I have a tendency in making (terrible) jokes when I am with someone who I feel comfortable with, so by making a letter I make sure that the therapy wouldn’t only about joking around. One time he said “when I give you therapy do you know that it is a therapy for me as well since you make me laugh so hard?”. He might say that only to make me feel happy, but I don’t care, his sincerity means everything to me.

Note : Sorry I haven't read anything new in Roll Call when I write this, I will soon.

i know. im black. sooo this is my hair unstraightened. after wash/blowdry.



fro.

Trying to upload a pic of my bedroom but stupid tapatalk won't let me

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I always hate telling my psychologist about voices and such when I'm not psychotic because I don't feel like its important. He gets sort of offended though but he said that he can't put me in the hospital. I think only my psychiatrist can.

I don't remember but last weekend my mom just said "I'm admitting him" even when the doctor said no because I convinced her that I was fine.

This does sound like a good reason to find someone new. She sounds like she's dangerous or at the very least detrimental to your health. Her job is to keep you safe. I hope you find someone you connect with.

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This be my room atm. Works fine for me on tapatalk.

It's been two weeks and I finally got around to washing my hair

I was older than my last hottie therapist. She was great though. She would call me once a week, look up things for my passion that I have for writing, couldn't have asked for a better therapist.