Roll Call 72

I was bored and rhymed about #RollCall. Just a place where we check in stuff like that tlak about anything. Anyone can post here.

New roll call I’ve been awake for a while, Supportful people not fake and with style, Most chill group on the internet ever no denial, Just zen, it's a nation, we get our currency in bottles then we spiral, Down because a lot of us hate them, they taste pure vile, Ya more addictive than a heroin high that will always break your smile, Benzos controlled on file, pls... addictive?, Hearin' voices is nothing you ever want to live with, It's like running a mile and never reaching your destination, Having to accept cabin fever like a kid and a broken play station, Living in the middle of no where, staring down at the dead man, Floating around on the on the international space station, Staying for even a day in this junk pile with gama radiation, Voices compared to the other, symptoms of suffering, rules dictated away by the DSM file, When it’s just man made **** and a praised rich mans psychological bible, Drifting labels and saying no and that’s final just feels like their probably always stoned and high more than egotistical so, We get them from legal dealers standing by the counter all wearin' white coats, Giving to a patient right after testing it on goats, that die after a day and cover it up to keep it on the down low, Patent the bich nvm but we're still writing notes yo, my my well, a scientist, philosophist, artist, My god don’t tell me my life is over but we’re all on the list, We have an Irish one with infinite clovers, But don’t burn them accidentally cuz there’s always a smell of smoke in the air, vapes, cigs, pot and minty nicotine sprayers, Good customers ripping open the lungs, not fair well, just an elastic band shortage which is hell, For them it’s just bits and peaces throwing money away that the government will take, They never tell how, where or when,
And show unrelated propaganda on CNN, Hypocrites if we say the opposite of how anyone is free to check in even drug induced psychosis we don't judge, Infact, we have content enough to be alive and well in this hell of a rare condition **** shadow people everywhere. We have to PAY the pharmaceutical companies to be well with our life savings to be kinda treated which isnt fair, Trust me, I’m on to be a billionaire, call me delusional but I know I can destroy the greed and terror, Make it flare so blind you still stare, at least the shadow people got sucked into anywhere I don’t care, Leave us alone but it feels like they’re still there, with a temporary LSD hippy weed smoking freedom in you're mind going wherever, Like fair leather from the goat that suffered for no reason other than humanity thats collapsing, but we're collapsing together, Save a drowning man when you cant swim is the fate of humanity and inevitable sin, Then we are equally gone forever so it doesn't matter, A cold dark empty space depressing planet that is also equal so if you can wrap your head around the chemicals, They’re making you exist right now like time we will pass by and become one like we've always wanted, Peace on earth, free from us, the parasite until the sun has no more light, must bite our dust.

Opened in style, Tweaky. Thanks.

That was really beautiful Tweaky.

I am so hungry. Oh my gosh. I've not eaten solid food for week now. As soon as these stitches dissolve, I'm totally going to nom on some, whatever is in my fridge or isn't nailed down. I very seriously considered making a macn cheese smoothie. D:<

Yesterday?, will have been the catalyst for a wide reaching banana bread endeavor. Since I can't eat it, I plan on distributing them to people, using the trench coat method. I haven't made any yet, but soon, soon I will.

Hi Door. What did I miss? Where do you have the stitches?

Hi Angelique, I had surgery on Thursday to fix an abscess. My face swelled up overnight last Wednesday. So there are stitches in my mouth, woohoo! I keep licking them.

How have you been?

Oh, that sounds so painful. Really sorry, I hope it heals asap. I have had those in the past, ugh.

I'm being tortured by 3 people in the building. The ones upstairs and the ones downstairs. It's clear that I need to move but they're making me so sick I can't get it together to start looking. Plus I'll need a car for looking, which means I need current corrective lenses. So I'm in hell right now. I think Churchill said when you find yourself going through hell, keep going. I'm trying.

You know, I've always pictured you living in a sort of pretty, scenic farmy or woodsy area. I know that's not what you have now, but for whatever reason that's the kind of peacefulness that I picture you thriving in. I hope you don't have to do all that alone. It sounds perfectly frustrating. Definitely keep going, I'd say also. The fact that you're still persevering shows an inner strength that you may not realize is there.

I'm going to sign off for now so, I can try to get some zz's in. Good night! Sleep well.

Thank you, Door. I am praying for strength. And I'd love to live in such a place, but I don't have the resources or ability to do as much as would need doing. I'm just praying to find a place without psychopathic and sadistic people. I can't believe this mess.

Shouldn't you be trying to rest now? You need sleep while your mouth is healing. But I know what it's like to crave some quiet hours alone.

I'm going to have to go to the police and hope they can understand this horror show I'm in. They will probably end up condemning my apartment and sending me inpatient but these freaks are just not going to stop. I pray they'll give me time to adequately explain, and listen to the recordings I have made of these disgusting people.

Seeing parents today, taking the pups out. Went to a pub quiz last night and we actually won! I was extremely sociable and had a good laugh with people. It's amazing how much better I am around people when I feel well. And in small groups. I drown in large groups.

'm going completely insane. I think I'm in psychosis i dont know i never know but my mind is racing really really fast i wish i could have a seizure and get the energy out of my brain. Im taking to stimulants to calm because then ill run out. lalallalal why hwywy
I dont know what is real and i have to ask for reassurance from people and they never ever ever know how important that is to me idk im freaking out. There's hidden messages.
Like what the hell. Idk what this is.
I know that im nt being spied on but my brain doesnt give a ****.
Its like if i were to explain to someone, schizophrenia = stupid. Thats what i feel its a disease but if others dont believe it it must be true but its not
I was so calm. WHat a god aweful disease. At least with benzos i dont remember the psychosis thats why im like lala everythings fine psychosis wont happen because im on abilify needs to be increased
I swear theres so much thoughts in my head like usually that rhyme thing i dont do things like that.
Im in so much pain but i hate attention. I give attention thats what i do but i dont know what is real its so stupid and i have no PRNs'
It seems so so easy. Just calm down and know what is real but the paranoia is so strong
idkidkidk
My leg
I had to say that. I cant think properly/
Im hallucinating.
But why??? This cant be real.
I cant sleep.
I feel like this is the only place i can go to because my parents and sister takes my psychosis way too seriously. But here I have maybe a delusion? that i am jsut a joke? thats what i feel with everything
Its like there's people that are so chill and im starting to believe that god is watching over me and im an atheist.
Im not psychotic thought i cant be because they arent full blown hallucinations.
I dont want to post this idk what to do. I jsut want to be calm. I want reassurance but theres a strong feeling that everyones against me and everyone is the same person and this is a test. I feel like an idiot for not being able to get out of this
I blame the living conditions.
I need to change the lightbulbs to white or yellow but i mixed them up and i .. i was crying ???
No one believes how important things need to be in order for me to function. i cant get over it by just adapting my brain wont let me.
I had no life before that huge psychotic break but at least it wasnt complete schiz that broke my brain or something.
There's so much pain.
Im sorry for writing this
But then everyone will reassure me. Idk i feel alone in my own mind and im trapped and thats it. I have to deal with the delusions or what ever they are.
Everythings ok but negative symptoms were so bad during dinner with a neighbour like i didnt tlak and i felt like i was trapped in my head.
Everything in my life is gone. Everyone's moved on.
I cant study.
This is like spam.
I'm writing this because maybe it will help later because im still very optimistic just that i have to accept that ************* this is a horrible way to live if this were constant.
I coul dask my mom for extra abilify i doubt that will help but no one can see whats going on inside my mind maybe its normal because im on abilify "Youre fine just forget about it" nononon
This is a vent.
Ill just listen to music and calm down. Its embarrassing when i dont know like i could go to therapy and fix it or maybe not. Im trying my hardest.
I was ok when out of the hospital but after its been slowly creeping up on me. __________________

I made non spaces .... cant think geez just so its not spam as much

Tweaky, first of all, I'm sorry you're feeling so badly. I don't quite know what to say, but it's good to rant when you need to. I'm so glad that you're here on this site, cause I would never have met you otherwise.

What you wrote isn't spam. You're important and what you say matters.

Good morning I posted in the wrong roll call. So I hope everyone has a good day. I have work, training, and a nap on tap for today. Hopefully the dogs behave. I bought them new toys

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Seems like I have bipolar somnia or something if that exists. I’ve been awake for 36 hours and don’t feel like sleeping at all

Good morning everyone, milk?

Well, I believe(hypo)mania can make one feel like they need to sleep less, then add stimulants into the mix & I could easily imagine how 36 hours might pass... (assuming you have been doing your usual dosing routine with various stimulants that is...)

Staying awake that long isn't a great idea all things considered, so my advice is not to take any more concerta, or caffeine pills or whatever; wait until later in the day & then if you have anything to help you sleep take that & try to get some sleep...

morning!!!!! boyfriend bought me all the destiny expansions this morning wtf!!!!!!!! i am so spoiled
t homework is to work with this dbt book i made goals to get through. bought it last year when i thought i might be borderline and never touched it much. i really like the idea of radical acceptance and i wrote a bunch of things i want to believe someday about appreciating the past for teaching me, even if it messed me up

hyper tweaky agitate go!

This is just so beautiful and sad at the same time. Tweaky, you could be a great author

ppl cant see me today i like it. i only exist in the computer!!!!

Good morning all.

I hope everyone has a good day!

Sometimes I wonder.. Life would be easier if we never have to do things like bathing, clipping our nails, cutting our hair, etc. Don’t get me wrong I am a hygiene freak and a very neat person, but I am just wondering, times that we use to do those things could be use for something more useful. Eating is kinda annoying too for me. We eat. Not long after that we are hungry again. Repeat. Such a waste of time. If anyone ever played The Sims and you know there is a cheat to make the needs bar always full, you know what I mean. #unimportant random thoughts

the sims gave me the highest expectations of life. i was devastated when i found out i cant just maxmotives and motherlode my way thru everything

I always used the money cheat on The Sims, mostly because my favourite part was building houses...

Morning

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