[HALLIEBETH87]

I just spent 17 days IP with depression and my first episode of psychosis.

It's all kind of blurry but I remember isolating and not wanting social interaction then feeling manic, crashing into depression then seeing spiders and feeling them on me. I'd panic when it's happen. I sent my t weird texts about feeling like demons were inside me and satan was attacking me. I don't think I trusted people much. The first week ip I barely remember. I remember feeling like I was in a dream and pacing and isolating in my room a lot. After it went away I was horribly depressed and anxious.

I'm feeling better now but that was all so weird. Most of that I know because of texts I sent and what people tell me. They say I would be with them but not really there. My dx is bipolar 1. I'm afraid this will happen again! Is it common to happen again?
Can you all relate to these things?

[junkDNA]

ya i can relate to sending my T weird texts... ive done it quite a lot.. he helps me reality check and suggests when I need to try a PRN. i dont really have religious delusions about god or jesus or satan or anything. i definitely dont trust others if im in psychosis or not. its a baseline for me to be suspicious of other people's motives.

My first psychotic episode was definately my worst one in terms of fear. My whole world was full of secret messages, which I still get but it's nowhere near like it was like in my first episode. Most of my memory of it is a blur. I believed the neighbors were in on it, the media and people from a game I used to play on my phone. It got to a point where the only thing I could do was isolate to try n get away from it all. But then the voices started so I had no escape from it all. I debated whether or not suicide was an option but I was too scared to actually do it. Then something weird happened I turned the radio on and Bob marley 3 little birds came on and the lyrics felt like a direct message to me. The next few days/weeks all I listened to was bob marley and it seemed to pull me back from the edge. I had no idea just how much music could affect people. This might sound stupid but bob marley literally saved my life. I now use bob marley songs to drown out the voices on a bad day. The whole experience made me question music's role in society. But now I get targeted by various celebrities in songs basically mocking me but one in particular is helping me with songs about me or ones that reference me. It's all very strange I know but what is normal? I would go more in depth but there's so much to type lol

[HALLIEBETH87]

I really don't want it to happen again.

Maybe it will be just a one time thing?

[medicalfox]

It depends on each individual. Some people only have one manic with or without psychotic episode in their life time while people (like me) become manic (and always psychotic due to being schizoaffective) four or more times a year. It can be difficult to control manic/psychotic episodes, but the best thing you can do is prevent them. Usually the best prevention is taking your meds regularly (even if you haven't had symptoms in a while) and removing stressful stimuli in your life such as a toxic person, stressful habits, perhaps change career/job if it's causing a lot of stress or take on less hours.

Every person is different and your triggers may be different than other people's. In time you will hopefully learn what triggers you the most and learn to prevent them from escalating or you may never have another manic/psychotic episode.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Well in December I had been manic then started hearing voices and had lots of paranoia then the depression got so bad I was planning suicide by gun and the police came to my house and almost forced me to go to the hospital. I didn't tell them about voices....

They ended up not making me go. Then this happened. I lost ten pounds somehow beforeip this time. I think i stopped eating. Do you think it started then?

[HALLIEBETH87]

And I was taking my meds both times. I'm not on any AP since ip since the hallucinations stopped he didn't make me stay on Thorazine.

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

Well in December I had been manic then started hearing voices and had lots of paranoia then the depression got so bad I was planning suicide by gun and the police came to my house and almost forced me to go to the hospital. I didn't tell them about voices....

They ended up not making me go. Then this happened. I lost ten pounds somehow beforeip this time. I think i stopped eating. Do you think it started then?

That all sounds pretty stressful so possibly. Sometimes it's hard to determine what factors made individuals experience manic/psychotic breaks. Usually high amounts of stress trigger episodes, but as I've said before different things stress everyone differently.

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

And I was taking my meds both times. I'm not on any AP since ip since the hallucinations stopped he didn't make me stay on Thorazine.

You can still experience symptoms on meds; especially if the dose is too low or if the medication you are taking is not working for you body chemistry. With this issue you could discuss it with your psychiatrist because low stress and the correct medication(s) are the best way to reduce episodes. Some people are able to be med free though so if you wish to choose that option I would just monitor your health and stress level wisely.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Thanks!

Today my mind has been playing tricks on me I think.

I keep thinking I'm seeing a bug like before (spider dangling etc) and I momentarily get scared. Are these still hallucinations?

[WannaDog]

I had my first psychotic event 2 years ago and it lasted for more than a year. I thought the neighbors downstairs wanted me to leave and I could "hear them" talking to me, about me. I have many memories that everyone tells me were delusions but my memories are so specific and seems so real. I'm now medicated but I still think maybe what I heard was real.

[Victoria'smom]

Yes, it is.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I talked to my DBT t and she said it's possible but more likely I'm sensitive to visible stimuli ehatever that means

[thgonace]

I can't recall how many first episode psychosis manuals have been handed to me over the last couple years, probably less than ten.