[Jas875]

I am gaining more and more problems and don't know what to do. Everyweek I go through the same pattern of breaking up with my girlfriend, saying really hurtful things and then saying im sorry. Sometimes this happens about 6 times a month.

In the past I have been so delusional I believed I am recieving messages from the dead. I would see messages in bath water. I have believed I am John Lennon reincarnated.

When I was born I was deprived of oxygen and did not breathe properly until 4 minutes. I have never had any tests or medication although I have been to the doctor many times with depression and paranoia.

I had problems when I was younger but in my teens I started taking drugs. The drugs have undoubtedly made my problems worse but people just blame the drugs. Before I started taking drugs I started to get small ticks, noises and shivers frequently, they come and go throughout my life although very rarely noticed by others. I have taken many drugs which effect your mental status. LSD About 12 times, DMT, Magic mushrooms about 10 times, Ecstasy about 60 times, Ketamine about 20 times, crystal meth twice, crack once and a few heroin substitutes.

Last year my Nan died, this year my sister has brain cancer.

I hate other people saying i am crazy or what have you been smoking?
you have a big imagination. You are like dynamite.

I think a lot about life, God, Aliens.

I have been so paranoid I have heard the people living in the room below me playing back recordings of me having sex. I thought there were cameras in the bathroom. I thought I was being spiked with drugs. Occasionally I drift with thoughts that I am an alien or an angel or something like that. Sometimes I think im psychic.

At the moment Im afraid to play computer games because I think they install barriers in my mind that stop my spirit from gaining knowledge....

My familly are aware I am paranoid but i dont want to tell them I think I am schizophrenic. Their reactionwould be im having a break down because of drugs.

I don't know what to do.. I don't want to admit to everyone my problems but i want help, also I dont want to just go onto different drugs.

I have been diagnosed with Drug Psychosis before, how can I be helped if I dont want to be prescribed, diagnosed etc..

THanks for reading,

[(JD)]

You have so much thinking! I'm sorry that you are feeling so paranoid.

You won't have to admit your problems to "everyone." You just shared them here, and that is a big step!

Do you have a regular medical doctor? Or any doctor of any kind that you trust? You could ask them for the name of someone to talk with, a psychiatrist? That way you might be able to trust the doctor more? But if not, you really need to find a professional to help you sort through all this stuff. Everyone deserves someone to trust and talk with, you know?

I'm sorry you experienced so many drugs. Please realize that you might need to take a medication under a doctor's supervision, to help ease these irrational thoughts. You don't have to worry about the reason you are having troubles, yes, it might be the drugs you played with, but maybe not... what does it matter if you can find help to help you feel better now?

We all have things we don't want to do, or don't want to hear. We all have to find the strength inside us to realize that we are each worth feeling good. You are worth that effort too... please find someone to listen to you, ok?

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Jas875: in my teens I started taking drugs. The drugs have undoubtedly made my problems worse but people just blame the drugs. Before I started taking drugs I started to get small ticks, noises and shivers frequently, they come and go throughout my life although very rarely noticed by others. I have taken many drugs which effect your mental status. LSD About 12 times, DMT, Magic mushrooms about 10 times, Ecstasy about 60 times, Ketamine about 20 times, crystal meth twice, crack once and a few heroin substitutes.

A few weeks ago I conversed with a couple whose son had become heavily involved with crystal meth. One night he had a psychotic episode and became violent toward his family. He was hospitalized and then discharged with a diagnosis of drug-induced psychosis. He's currently living on the streets, is still on drugs, and still experiencing bouts of psychosis. He is not receiving any form of help. The difficulty is, no one will help him because until he's off the drugs, there isn't really any means of knowing whether or not the psychosis is due to the drugs or something else. Your story shares some similarities with his.

I don't know what to do.. I don't want to admit to everyone my problems but i want help, also I dont want to just go onto different drugs.

The first step in resolving any problem is being able to identify the problem. You seem to accept that you have some problems that have to be dealt with but you also have some trepidation about taking the next step. Knowledge is a very good antidote to fear. I suggest that you arm yourself with your local phone book and a good search engine. Use them to find people and programs within your vicinity who may be able to help you. List as many as you can find. Then, begin exploring and investigating each one, ideally, you'll find at least one or two that will fit for you.

I have been diagnosed with Drug Psychosis before, how can I be helped if I dont want to be prescribed, diagnosed etc..

The rules of self-help are fairly straightforward: First, acknowledge that you're not content with where you're at. Second, develop a vision of where you want to be and what you want to be doing with your life. Third, examine the gaps between where you are and where you want to be -- how are you going to get from Point A to Point B? Do you know what needs to happen for you so you can make that shift? Once you've got an idea of what needs to happen, try to figure out things you can do on your own and what things you might need some help with. Recognize that accepting help from others is also a form of self-help.

Bear in mind that no one else can do this "for" you. Doctors, drugs, programs, mindsets... those are all tools that can help you but you have to be the one that actually puts them into practice.

.

[Soidhonia]

Hello I am sorry that you are suffereing at this time. The best piece of advice that I could give you is to get diagnosed, since it is effecting your daily life in a negative manner. I agree with Sky contact your regular Physician and ask for a referral to a Dr or if you are in the United States thenyou can see someone at County Mental Health for a low cost or FREE. Take care of yourself. Soidhonia