[scar12346]

I'm exhausted of this. 6 years I'm living in a world of my own, with people I've created to keep me safe of the people I have not created and are just there. I'm tired of saying "I'm okay" because damn it I am not. I want to wake up. I want my old life. I want a childhood. I want to play with real people and not just my delusions. I want to feel normal emotions and not just paranoia. I want normal friends and normal school life. I want to be able to go a day without some kind of an attack or an episode. I don't want to go to bed every single time crying and exhausted of the medications. It's just ****ing frustrating and to be honest, people have told me that I am strong but damn it I can't be strong for forever. It's not normal for a 16 year old or in fact for anyone to be like this. And every single time that I say to either my psychiatrist or my mother that I need help, I would either get prescribed new pills or get told that it's because of puberty. I want answers, I want a cure and I want help, and I wont stop searching no matter what it costs me. And damn it I will wake up, because this is not a life, this is a full blown nightmare.

[AubreaM]

I completely understand how u feel. Ive been struggling with this myself for 4 years. Its finally catching up with me now. I recently relapsed and honestly dont know how much more that i can take. If u need to talk im here.

[OliverB]

I understand, I have psychotic symptoms since I were like 9 that became worse when I reached puberty at 11.
I cannot say I want my past life since I grew up in a extremely abusive home that almost killed me, but I want back is being able to feel joy -anhedonia i gulity-, motivation -abulia makes me lazy- and have words in my head to say things -alogia makes me asocial-.

I have a ton of problems even when I take meds -I did in the past-. I have never had a childhood either, or a teenhood, I don't have any family or friends. So I can completely understand how you feel about living with mental disorders since being too young, it destroys everything, a normal childhood, a normal life, getting a work... -I am considered disable and I am given money since I cannot work-.

anyway somehow I am at college, I just want to tell you there is some hope and you can still build a live,

[scar12346]

I don't want college. I want a ****ing family. I want a wife that will love me and protect me. I want someone whom I can trust, but how can someone love someone that lives in their own world? Hell I don't love me let along another person to do so. There is nothing you can love about me.

Sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I've been there. Getting on the right meds has helped me so much. I have been dealing with sza symptoms for 6 years now and up until a couple months ago I've been trialing all sorts of medications, but I'm really thankful that I found the right cocktail. I also think therapy can be useful after medications help you to the point you can utilize your therapist to get to an even more stable place.
(((Hugs)))