disability appointment

I'm flipping out. In two days I have an appointment with a psychologist that I've never met with before that will be assessing my mental conditions for possibly ending my military career and assigning me disability.

The weird thing is that I don't even feel like me - in the last few months I've been started on anti-psychotics and they have helped a lot with the delusional thoughts and auditory hallucinations... but it's like, as another poster said, half of my brain is turned off.

How am I even supposed to present myself at this appointment? I get that as a professional they should be able to see through the fact that there is a medicated and unmedicated version of me. And that even on the meds I seem to bounce around a little inbetween these two states, like it's a dial rather than a switch.

I'm sure that I'll be medically retired... the military, understandably, doesn't exactly like psychosis. But I'm afraid of the system completely screwing me over. I haven't exactly had a good ride in military mental health and have been shoved-aside, rediagnosed, moved on to some other assignment and no longer their problem. And I get that this is just my paranoia (I'm sure THEY are out to get me) that I've had for the military machine I'm a part of... I'm just one little redundant part that can be discarded as defective and that they want to be rid of me as easily and cheaply as possible.

And in my own extreme morality I feel like I should be presenting me as positively as possible - at my best - because they should be looking at my highest potential... because with the medication maybe I can learn to think, given time, like a "regular."

I get that I need to demonstrate my average, me at my most normal... but how the hell do you describe that when you operate at very different extremes? Even with the meds I swing back and forth and am anything but consistent.

I'm terrified that myself and my family (that depends on me, a schizoaffective PTSD OCD panicky mess) are about to get completely screwed over by a system that is designed to run as cheaply and efficiently as possible and no longer has use for me. I don't want to try and max anything out - I just want things to, somehow, be fair.

Good luck with your appointment, ninjasm...

Hi. Tell them in vivid detail about your different states and make a point to emphasize how this illness is affecting you every day life including hygiene and self care as well as holding down employment and also relationships with others. They want to see grave disability in all areas of life