roll call 85

Took time off work because I wasn't doing that well and everyone could tell - rapid cycling and paranoia and so annoyed about everything with the mania. Right now I'm overmedicated.....

I take my pills and I'm happy all the time, I'm happy all the time, I'm happy all the time, oh!

Good morning. Hope you all have a good day. Maybe you are enjoying the superbowl, church, lounging, maybe all three. Have a good day.

Just bought 4 books:

Norton Critical Edition of Goethe's Faust. I use to own this but I lost it a couple years ago when I moved.

When The Music Stops. I got it "like New" hardcover for 80cents! What a steal. Newtus Recommended this book for me. Thanks Newtus!

The Penguin Philosophy dictionary. I lost this book in the move too. Boo. Its a great resource.

Wise Man Fears, a sequel to The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. SP said it wasn't as good. I hope she's wrong for once!

And I bought a stupid phone case for my piece of **** windows phone that was originaly $550 but I got it for $220. I love the operating system but the hardware build isn't built to last. It feels cheap for a phone that was originally $550 dollars.

Also I got a Music subscription from Microsoft Groove. Its like Apples and Spotify's music subscription. It works great on the PC and my phone, but nothing compares to Apples iTunes. That is the best music software I've ever used in my life. My next phone will be an Apple.

Good morning/afternoon. I hope everyone is having a good day.
Not much going on here. Just cooking in preparation for the Super Bowl. Having trouble with my son *sigh*. This parenting thing is tough. Other than that all is well. Few symptoms here and there but nothing I can't handle.

No probs daytripper! Hope you enjoy! Im thinking of reading "when the music stops" again. I have it locked away in my vault.

Man i swear...
I keep seeing things like 2-3 times. Door says it's subconscious

Hey, your not the only one. I thought about watching the matrix the other day at college.

Coincidence, I think not.

Obviously we are all in the matrix and subconciously aware of it

Apparently analysts at the Bank of America think there is a 50% chance we live in the matrix.

The Matrix is called debt.

look at nick bostrom and the simulation hypothesis. more scientists have since come to believe it's almost inevitable that we are a simulation.

Meh, I'm drunk, thinking of chickenfoot & listening to Metallica loud in her honour.

Re-watching the matrix last year, I noticed the book he kept that disk in at the start when he got the knock on the door. Simulcra and simulation. Apparently somewhat basterdised but at the same time, the whole plot was there before the movie really got going.

As for what I beleive about this life. I can't comprehend how the universe started, so there is certainly something to it whether the matrx is closer to the truth or not.

Then we have to define simulation and its purpose. Is there a purpose or is it just functionally teleological?

Metallica! Hell ya!

The matrix. That movie hits me in the spots.

Had a meltdown yesterday. Was okayish till I was home alone then I was pacing and everything looked wrong and I went for a walk to the park and I thought work and my parents were following me and spying on me from the cars. Went home and bf saw me and I just lost it. He left and I had to ring my parents cos I just didn't know what to do with myself and I was sobbing down the phone. I went to their house and the whole world was wrong everything was a void. Came home later at night and my anxiety was so bad I felt like I was guna faint in the car and I was shaking so bad my mum staying with me till I took my meds and then I went to bed.
I woke up and felt the same. I've been at work and managed to keep it together but now I'm home and it's all wrong. I don't feel right at all atm. I don't see my cpn for a week or so. I don't know what's going on.

Chill out

There's a darkened sky before me.. There's no time to prepare.. Salvage a last horizon..

But no regrets from me...

Maybe I'll be back some other day.. To live again just who can say.. In what shape or form that I might be..

Just another chance for me..

A hurried time no disgrace.. Instead of racing to conclusion and wishing all my life away..

No one can stop me now..

No more lies...

5-methoxy-N,N-DiMeThyltryptamine

I dont think my meds are highe nough right now. But i dont really want them to be so high.

Im trying to find a compromise between lethargy and not being psychotic or manic or whatever the heck im going through.

Im thinking thoughts id never thought id think again.

And i think started university was a complete start of this downfall. I can only go up from here right? But what if i cant? What if i go back to hospital?

I only have one more leftover xanax left before im out. I need it today. Ive been having more and more anxiety everyday. More panic attacks than usual.

Please let the vistaril work. But doesn't matter because ill be going through xanax withdrawals.

so today i wanted to know some more about football anyone care to enlighten me on the matter.

I'm off meds again for the same reason as before. Ex is still threatening me every 2 or 3 days. I am doing anything I could to stay sane.

Why is your ex threatening you?

Anyone watch the half time show.....spoiler....drones were super cool!

I'm with my friend. We went to an Asian market and got Asian junk food