roll call 85

I just lost a friend...

I want to cry but my meds wont let me. I feel numb.

Medicines stayed the same, doc said disability was a good idea.

"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."

feeling pretty suicidal right now
Im doing my best to not give in but it feels so hopeless...

The voices just keep getting louder and louder no matter how many meds I take, people I considered "friends" are now against me, the voices keep threatening my mom's life and it feelsl ike I am the only one who even gives a ****

I feel like I have like two choices here, write a song about how I feel or just get it over with and be done


And right now I have no inspiration to write

I'm sorry

Please write. I'm worried about you.

I just cut.

I TOLD myself not to.
Its been so long :,(

Edit/// i really told myself not to do it. I screamed after i did it at the top of my lungs because i was so mad at myself.

I just need to take my meds and goto bed i think

I just ruined myself and my night

Be gentle with yourself.

When i get sad i get really sad. Depression hits hard for me. Thats why id rather be anything but depressed. Id rather be psychotic.

Boss complained at work, I felt it was directed at me, it made me feel guilty. However, he could just be frustrated that he didn't make money off this job or that work will be slow or a while.

Anyways,

I have the next three days off! Ill be finishing my book and maybe starting to read "The Wise Man's Fear."But we'll see. I've been looking up how to find a book agent. Apparently they do not advertise... wtf is up with that. There are a bunch of fake ones online though. All signs show that I will not have to pay an upfront fee. they just get a 15% cut over all. Which is cool.

Ate too much pizza in a food coma now it's freakin mental.

I'm also put on lot of weight from med's. Ain't just wonderful. I'm so darn fed up with it all. T.W.>214<

What the heck is nicotine Eunice?

Nicotine dissolved in propylene glycol or vegetable oil or both to put in a vapourizer and you vape it

I sure do! It's like everyone has a busy life but me now. I used to be busy till I got stuck in this 🏡

Well I for one think its just a sign of the times we're living in. Family and friends can't be bothered. Everybody runs home from work and do their on thing. And to quote my sister, "sick of people",been around people all day,wanna be left alone some peace and quiet. Heck I think everybody is becoming loners!

I feel like I'm on a bad trip.
'
I feel like life is a bad trip.

My little sister (14) got drunk at a party, I found out something even worse and then I think I just heard my mom talking about having something bad but I'm not sure if my mind is playing tricks on me on that one.

Everything is falling apart like what next?

But at the same time, it's all great. Like just keep throwing this stuff at me..

I thought my drug use and failure at life (Yes I know I was dealt a bad card with severe negative and then severe positive symptoms of schizophrenia) would scare my sister from wanting to get ****ed up but maybe I'm a bad influence.

Anyways, I feel like finally, after 4 years of psychiatric abuse, that I'm on the right medication.

I feel like the gods and aliens leave bits of half unerased data in our reality. I can see it and feel it. I know when it is happening.

Doesn't that sound ridiculous but to me and maybe a few others it doesn't.

=]

What a lonely reality it is knowing "the truth".

It's a long way down.

Good morning! Hope everyone is having a good day. Mine just started but so far so good.

Good morning.

I need to get out today. My dad said i feel lonely but he also told me i havent left the house in a very long time

I think it is too. Its sad