roll call 85

I didnt get the message last night

Was waiting for my voices or god to send me a sign last night that would change my life. Didnt get it.

I'm sorry you didn't get the message you were waiting for.

Ativan helped with the anxiety. Now to get over the rest.

Most of the time I feel like the opposite of a panic attack. Just comfortable and relaxed. Paranoia isn't as bad this week.

Much better than when I was 18 or so having panic attacks curling up on my bed praying for it to go away and suffering.

I will guide you all on a trip to Peru where the Ayahuasca man/woman will cleans the trauma, demons and panic attacks.



I'm going to go buy some more coca cola. I'm drinking too much of it lately.

Hope everyone is ok out there on the web.

I'm still feeling awful. Even take out night has lost it's appeal.

Im sorry valley. Whats wrong?

Im so afraid to leave my house but i dont exactly feel safe in my house but its the safest place.

Im so afraid

I feel paranoid so bad.
Felt this way for 2 months now

Im sitting in the dark contemplating things

Been sitting in the dark for two months now

My friend was here putting up a bed rail, but I had to ask him to undo it because it wouldn't have worked for me. As it was I scraped my leg and only just made it onto my bed with bleeding scratches. I'm so sorry. I miss him so much.

My knees are still just horribly painful. I should try using an ice pack (frozen broccoli).

I'm so sad! I'm so upset!

Just life.

I hope you get the place you want. And that moving will be smooth sailing. ((((((((Hugs))))))))

Ready to go home with god.

That doesn't sound good.....

I used to get cabin fever, before I got agoraphobia. It isn't strictly like agoraphobia, but for whatever reasons I just prefer not to go out anywhere. Idk.

I get like that sometimes but I'm usually forced out of my house by work. Now I'm home all the time it's kinda nice! Although I did go for a walk with my dogs in the woods today.

I have a meeting with a va representative for housing options Tuesday. I pray he can help me. The one place I've found that will accept all of my dogs requires a thousand dollar pet deposit in addition to the regular five hundred security deposit. Not to mention first months rent of $900. Gah. Wth does it have to be so expensive??? Another option I have been exploring are foreclosed homes but I have bad credit thanks to my ex husband. . . Sigh*

I'm sorry Newtus.

Well, I hope you get a great place. I'll pray for both of us since I've been planning on moving too, but all the good places are more expensive.

That's not good.

I hope you both find awesome and affordable housing.

Thank you! What did you order for takeout night? I wish I could have like 10 pounds of food from every fast food place there is.

I just am so depressed.

Theres a point where my depression turns psychotic.

Even if i was manic itll turn into psychosis

It doesnt matter.

But i dont want to take my meds.

But i need them

My therapist says no ones out to hurt me
But i think shes wrong.

I just dont see how thats possible that no one is with the k k k and trump and this whole freakin town. This state.

The kkk has been around a long time....what have your interactions been with them thus far? Honestly I doubt they know you exist....not saying that to be mean but to reassure you you aren't being targeted....

There are a lot of trump supporters and some of them are awful......people are actively fighting them though.....

Me too! And how!

Your therapist job is to reassure you Newtus! You don't really believe she would do anything other than that, do you.