Roll Call 86

Morning.

For some reason i just feel extremely depressed...

Ugh so unmotivated for school. Just feel like staying home everyday. Don't know how to get my motivation back. I'm behind on assignments and just don't care.

I'm to the point I'm just like f everything

It's thundering and almost looking like twilight out. Dark gloomy day.

Me too....

I love days like that Angelique. Finally feels like nature is in accord with my mind.

I'm doing well today, going to be a very busy day. I have friends helping me move out the furniture and sell it, fixing two cars, and having a guy come over to buy another one. ( in addition to being kicked out of where I live I'm helping settle two different people's estates that pass recently) hope everything goes smoothly. Also have boxing this afternoon as well. That will cheer me up I think.

I want to its been a long time.... How do I force myself to feel better to get through each day

I'm literally crying I'm so stressed out.

Thanks tweaky

I just talked to my therapist on the phone. We set up a meeting for Friday and she's going to call the school with me and figure out where to go from there.

I'm sorry about school bluebird and junk.

Annoying cat keeps coming up to me and sticks his **** and balls in my face.

Hahahahah omg

None of my clothes fit me anymore

Too small for me. Im getting bigger

If it makes you feel any better, every time I pet my cat she raises her butt. I tried to spank her but she likes it.

Hehehehe

Its almost surreal the weight i am.
I tried eating less for a week. Nothing happened. I ended up binging.

Welp! The older i get the harder itll be to keep it off.

No clothes fit me. I think im a size 16 now.

Edit///nah i hate complaining about my weight cuz everyone in this world does. But its surreal.

I think im gonna start logging my food to see my intake

What I started to do was to take a complex protein shake that had fiber and egg in it to help fill me up and make it taste better. It would last until lunch a lot of the time.

It might just be the meds though that are causing the weight gain. Of course its that, but I mean, some meds make you crave sugar and carbs, and some just make you big no matter how much you take in. I switched to diet pops and protein shakes in the morning and an hour before bed. Foods with fiber fill me up as much as foods with carbs. Another great snack is salsa and chips. You can get the complex carb kind (whole grain/wheat) tortillas. That's great to snack on for me.

Thank you DT.

I know it's largely from the meds. All this haldol cant be helping even at a small dose.

I also think its my beer intake. I seem to have taken on a huge belly.

I crave carbs like no other. I dont even eat that much meat anymore. All carbs.

look at that bastard giving no **** about what he does... he's a wild beast... he's posing for the camera.

Im a bit excited.

Found out 7cup of tea has an app.

Also found another therapy app. TalkSpace. You have to pay for it but im thinking of giving it a try.

Found it through an ad on instagram. I hope it works since my insurance only pays for therapy once a month.

What do you guys think?
I know i cant rely on 7 cups for professional support but maybe the other one. Trying them both though.

I just talked to my dad about it.

He said to be careful because they may put me in a government system where i could be institutionalized.

I know the second one records what you say. But its also 32 dollars a week or so i heard.

That's super cheap....idk about a gov system and it might just not be great therapy though.

Maybe.

Im excited about trying it. Though.

They are professionals apparently.

I mean its not like im gonna say im going to sui or homi. You know? I know not to say that. Especially if its recorded. But im thinking i could talk about my anxiety, depression, weight loss, etc, to supplement my current therapy sessions.

I also have the crisis text line on hand too.

It sounds good in theory but I don't know that I'd pay $32 a week for it. But then again I can get therapy for $20 a visit.
I'm so tired. I can't wait to go to bed. The last 3 nights I've been falling asleep on the couch and my husband has been waking me up to go to bed. My goal for the night is to stay awake.

I get therapy for free right now at my clinic. Cuz its an outpatient low income county clinic. But i only apparently can get it once a month.