Roll Call 86

Im glad he's your ex and not your current bf. It does sound creepy. What does he use his blood for?

Having a restful day, just taking the day to appreciate everything I have. Haven't been this laid back in a while. Looking for a different job too, preferably one I can do from home or a part time graveyard shift. Also maybe driving for uber? Does anyone know what that's like?

Hi Angelique. It depends on how I feel I guess. If I'm okay I watch stuff and listen to music etc. When it's like this I don't know what to do with myself so I just sit and think in fear and darkness. That's a shame you can't play records. Music can take you away. How're the mice? I love hamsters kinda like mice but they died and it's too sad. It's dark now. Outside is a whole new dimension. Inside me is a whole other reality. Sorry I'm rambling.

Music is magical, it's so true. I am a believer in distractions when it comes to a bad night or whatever. I like what you said at the end about different scapes and environments within you and without you. That sounds really beautiful and vibrant.

ETA I don't want to kill the mice but I don't know what to do other than borrow a cat from someone. I don't have any cats around here as they're not allowed in the building to stay. The mice are cute but they'd be far more fun if they were 10 miles away or something. It freaks me out when they come out from their hiding places and run around the floor.

I'm not afraid tonight the candlelight is calming. Inside outside where does the truth lie. I can restrain people now. Like I saw him do in hospital. My friend. Which side am I on. They don't understand this line. I crossed the line.

Distractions are good yes. Finding them can be hard. Thank you that's very kind. What's in the mind sometimes need out. I hope you have a good day. Or night. If it's light.

I feel kinda ok today but im extremely unhappy with my weight.

Ive officially hit my highest weight. 180 pounds. Im so unhappy. The past 2 days ive been trying to eat better. More fruit. Less meat. Ive decided to go vegetarian. No meat. Get my protein from nuts and stuff like that.

I had a dream about you last night, I hope that's not creepy. We were in hospital and trying to be noticed. No one was listening.
I'm sorry you feel bad about your weight. Numbers hurt. More than they should for a digit.

Its ok. Not creeped out.

I think his intention was just self harm but then his illness told him to send it to me. Idk

I blocked him now. I just hope God gives me strength not to unblock him again in a few days like I did weeks ago

Oh gross. Did he send you the bottle of blood? I would steer clear of that person and keep moving farther apart from him in material and spiritual ways.

That sounds like it's for the best. You don't need that on top of what you're dealing with yourself.

Just had the 10 min complimentary live session with the newly matched therapist on this app. She wanted to call me but i didnt want to do that. So we texted instead. I told her as much as i could in 10 min. Time went by fast. It actually lasted 20 min. She said she could give me additional support along with my receiving outside help.

I see my in real life therapist next monday. Im not going to tell her about this.

So how did it go? Was she knowledgable?

It went well. She was very caring. Unlike that other lady.

I cant really tell much from 20 minutes of texting.

She said shell be sending me an audio or video message later. I can probablt tell more then.

Ill let you guys know.

I'm excited for you. I hope it works out well.

Thankfully he only sent me the picture of it through text.

I took a nap. Had a weird dream about saving people by hunting down dinosaurs. 6.02 AM here. Small birds are chirping outside my window. It's wonderful how nature can stand beautiful still no matter how long, how bad, and how many times we, human, corrupt it. And at the end of the day if we ruin the Earth, nature will show us who is the real badass.

I suddenly want a pretzel. Hope everyone enjoy the rest of the night.

Just got out of the hospital

Hey guys

Thanks for letting us know kori! how are you doing?

How are you feeling?

I didn't know you had gone in. How was it? I hope it was helpful.
ETA if it was involuntary or whatever. I didn't mean/think I thought you should go in, you seemed fine.

How tall are you, Newtus? I would not think you weighed that much.