Roll Call 86

newtus · 06:02 PM

Sucky sucky day.

Edit///

I hate my life. Ive wasted all of my 20 year old life being stuck in the country of texas just because my dad wants to be away from society. This is the time of my life i want to be IN society. I havent had quality friends in 10 years. I havent had enough friends in 10 years.

Im crying

What a waste of life.

I have no money to move. My dad wont move. Hes going to be here for the rest of his life he says. My life is dwindling away stuck in this hell hole 700 person town. Theres no black people here. Theres very little latinos. Im surrounded by racists and bigots.

Please god get me out of here.

Angelique67 · Mar 06, 2017, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Sucky sucky day.

Edit///

I hate my life. Ive wasted all of my 20 year old life being stuck in the country of texas just because my dad wants to be away from society. This is the time of my life i want to be IN society. I havent had quality friends in 10 years. I havent had enough friends in 10 years.

Im crying

What a waste of life.

I have no money to move. My dad wont move. Hes going to be here for the rest of his life he says. My life is dwindling away stuck in this hell hole 700 person town. Theres no black people here. Theres very little latinos. Im surrounded by racists and bigots.

Please god get me out of here.

I'm sorry everything is upsetting today, Newtus.

Could someone tell me whether it is am or pm on the east coast of USA right now?

ETA it is 6:37pm now. What a pain, I already made coffee and drinking it but it's Monday evening.

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 08:15 PM

I got into an argument with my mom. About why she doesnt care for me. She told me to never call her again.

Mar 06, 2017, 08:18 PM

I don't really reach out when I'm stressed. I typically reach in. I've always been an introvert. However, I do like to go out by myself and work in public. There I see fresh faces and maybe meet a cashier that will remember my name. I'm getting old. I look forward to gabbing with cashiers lol. I had people give me a warm welcome this morning at Panera bread. And the customer to the left laughed at my joke. It was my fix for the day.

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 08:57 PM

I probably just had the biggest emotional breakdown in a while. Everyonr has seen it by now.

ofthevalley · Mar 06, 2017, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Sucky sucky day.

Edit///

I hate my life. Ive wasted all of my 20 year old life being stuck in the country of texas just because my dad wants to be away from society. This is the time of my life i want to be IN society. I havent had quality friends in 10 years. I havent had enough friends in 10 years.

Im crying

What a waste of life.

I have no money to move. My dad wont move. Hes going to be here for the rest of his life he says. My life is dwindling away stuck in this hell hole 700 person town. Theres no black people here. Theres very little latinos. Im surrounded by racists and bigots.

Please god get me out of here.

I'm sorry Newtus. Sometimes everything comes crashing down at the same time.

newtus · Mar 06, 2017, 09:21 PM

Awful awful day.

I just wanna die

Desoxyn · Mar 07, 2017, 12:10 AM

When the sun's down..

Nocturnal rainbows soar in the air so high.. It may seem so that I can't see.. but the darkness provides the light for me..

I don't wanna be lonely.. and the moon is my only homie.. If there's a higher power then show me..

Instead of nocturnal rainbows...

Night all. Have good dreams.

joacobanfield · Mar 07, 2017, 12:25 AM

I had an awful day too if it makes you feel any better. It got worse when the head pain started.

You are not alone

Angelique67 · Mar 07, 2017, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Awful awful day.

I just wanna die

I'm so sorry you got so upset with your family circumstances. It will get better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joacobanfield

I had an awful day too if it makes you feel any better. It got worse when the head pain started.

You are not alone

I'm sorry you've had a bad day too.

Angelique67 · Mar 07, 2017, 03:26 AM

The mice are running around in here like it's the best amusement park in the galaxy. I feel so guilty when I think of the horrible things I'll probably do to get rid of them. But the babies are just playing tag or something (with each other) and they look so innocent and new.

12AM · Mar 07, 2017, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

The mice are running around in here like it's the best amusement park in the galaxy. I feel so guilty when I think of the horrible things I'll probably do to get rid of them. But the babies are just playing tag or something (with each other) and they look so innocent and new.

Playing tag lmao

Sorry I laughed but you expressed it really well. You have a talent to write a comedy story. I understand your feeling though. I feel guilty too anytime I kill a mosquito let alone bigger animals like mice. But you have to protect your own health too, and it is not selfish because all you do is only protecting yourself. Hope you can get rid of them soon

Angelique67 · Mar 07, 2017, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

Playing tag lmao

Sorry I laughed but you expressed it really well. You have a talent to write a comedy story. I understand your feeling though. I feel guilty too anytime I kill a mosquito let alone bigger animals like mice. But you have to protect your own health too, and it is not selfish because all you do is only protecting yourself. Hope you can get rid of them soon

Haha, thank you 12AM! I've had some sinking feelings that maybe I'll just move away sooner so i'm not the one who has to trap them. 😱

12AM · Mar 07, 2017, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ray68

I got some good news today, I think. I just got done talking with the estate representative and the lawyer who was representing my landlady who passed away. They inspected the properties and reassured me that I wasn't being kicked out. Yay! They said I probably have until the fall for them to figure out all the moving parts to the properties. and even then I could request to rent from the estate which he made it sound like wouldn't be too much of a problem. Ah, hope! Finally some hope! I won't be homeless! At least until the fall, haha. In the meantime I'm planning on disputing the f'd up stuff on my credit report from my ex and saving money to maybe buy a house. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they let me buy this house?! Time to buckle down and work. Yeah, baby!

Thanks for sharing ray, you bring some good vibes by sharing this

12AM · Mar 07, 2017, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Haha, thank you 12AM! I've had some sinking feelings that maybe I'll just move away sooner so i'm not the one who has to trap them. 😱

Oh you have a plan of moving soon? I think a skip a lot of posts on Roll Call last few months

Angelique67 · Mar 07, 2017, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

Oh you have a plan of moving soon? I think a skip a lot of posts on Roll Call last few months

No, I've been "planning" to move for a few years now. So I would just be doing it sooner and more expensively. How are you doing?

ofthevalley · Mar 07, 2017, 07:54 AM

Good morning. Feeling anxious today. Thankfully no other symptoms. I'm just sitting by the fire waiting for it to burn down enough to refill it. Then I can take my nap.
I hope you all have a better day today

12AM · Mar 07, 2017, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

No, I've been "planning" to move for a few years now. So I would just be doing it sooner and more expensively. How are you doing?

Ah I see

I'm okay I guess. Just trying to stay sane most of days haha

But I am doing okay atm, I cleaned my room and house, swept away depression atmosphere. The perk of having bipolar you never know when suddenly you feel like you're on top of the world

Angelique67 · Mar 07, 2017, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

Ah I see

I'm okay I guess. Just trying to stay sane most of days haha

But I am doing okay atm, I cleaned my room and house, swept away depression atmosphere. The perk of having bipolar you never know when suddenly you feel like you're on top of the world

Oh, that's good! 😊 I wish I would get a change of mood but all I want to do is nap.

newtus · Mar 07, 2017, 11:06 AM

Morning

I kept waking up in the middle of the night but i was so tired each time i went right back to sleep.

I cried my eyes out yesterday

12AM · Mar 07, 2017, 11:10 AM

Ex again. Good Lord please take off the empathy in my heart for him.

Possible trigger:

He sent me a picture of a bottle of his own blood. That crap is creepy as fvck. I'm shaking, trembling, feeling I'm going crazy

There goes my mania that I had just few hours ago. Oh hello depression *waves*

justmeandmyhead · Mar 07, 2017, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Morning

I kept waking up in the middle of the night but i was so tired each time i went right back to sleep.

I cried my eyes out yesterday

Sorry about what your mum said newtus. If it wasn't your mum I'd say they aren't worth having in your life the way they treat you.
How're you feeling today?

justmeandmyhead · Mar 07, 2017, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

Ex again. Good Lord please take off the empathy in my heart for him.

Possible trigger:

He sent me a picture of a bottle of his own blood. That crap is creepy as fvck. I'm shaking, trembling, feeling I'm going crazy

There goes my mania that I had just few hours ago. Oh hello depression *waves*

That's really creepy 12pm, and manipulative. Maybe you should think about cutting him out of your life completely? It sounds like a very toxic relationship

justmeandmyhead · Mar 07, 2017, 12:47 PM

I feel weird. Not overwhelming, just a flavour. It definitely starts around 3/4pm and gets worse. I feel like going to the portal/park and being in a spiritual place. I feel watched when I go outside. Like not just the people, but a powerful force is watching me from the sky. Is is the Beings I once believed in? No..I still believe in. I've lit a candle to try and cleanse the apartment. This doesn't feel bad. I'm worried it will turn bad though as it gets dark. I'm on my own tonight. There are demons in these walls that come out. Everything has power over me. I'm just small but with knowledge of the truth.

Angelique67 · Mar 07, 2017, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead

I feel weird. Not overwhelming, just a flavour. It definitely starts around 3/4pm and gets worse. I feel like going to the portal/park and being in a spiritual place. I feel watched when I go outside. Like not just the people, but a powerful force is watching me from the sky. Is is the Beings I once believed in? No..I still believe in. I've lit a candle to try and cleanse the apartment. This doesn't feel bad. I'm worried it will turn bad though as it gets dark. I'm on my own tonight. There are demons in these walls that come out. Everything has power over me. I'm just small but with knowledge of the truth.

Hi justme. What do you usually do when you have a night on your own? Maybe it would help if you planned to do that as a method of keeping yourself safe, so the time doesn't get so tedious. (I used to listen to records I love, oftentimes drinking and losing myself in making mix tapes. But I haven't been able to do that here because I don't have my stereo components or my records, CD's, etc).

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