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  #426  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 02:36 AM
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Still depressed; I talked to my GP today he thinks its the Abilify, the weather, and the pain in my ankle. I told him I haven't eaten anything in about 3-4 days except cookies and some cheese here and there nothing really to really to sustain myself, because I am always so nauseous since the abilify makes me that way. I said I am probably anemic then he was like well we probably could do some blood tests, but he was like I will phone your pdoc. he asked me what's my optimum level of abilify I said 15mg but to be honest none I was better without it sure it took away the hallucinations, yet I think it bringing them back little by little I will see them out of the corner of my eye.

Well the good news is that I heard from the neurologist, sad part is the appointment is about 40mins away during rush hour traffic away for 9am on the 16th, for my ankle.
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  #427  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 07:44 AM
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Doing well, trying to get caught up on school work. Hope to be fully caught up and maybe even ahead by time spring break is over (starts tomorrow afternoon for me!)

I used my new swiffer wet jet on my kitchen floors and omg it's so much better than using a regular mop and my floors look great now!

Going out to lunch with my sister this weekend at a local bar/restaurant.

Hope everyone's doing well
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  #428  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 08:18 AM
ofthevalley ofthevalley is offline
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Good morning everyone. I'm not feeling well today. Mentally or physically. Going to be a rough day. I think my morning meds are screwing with me. It might be the vitamin b. those things are nasty.
I hope everyone has a good day.
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  #429  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 08:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
How tall are you, Newtus? I would not think you weighed that much.


Im 5'1/5'2

Believe me i know how much i weigh and im overweight. I know. I had doctors tell me.

My knees and back hurt from all the fat laying on my joints.
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  #430  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 08:57 AM
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Morning

Hope everyone has a good day
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  #431  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 09:59 AM
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Hey folks

I'm not happy. Not quite sure why I've gone from mostly ok, to feeling pretty down the past few days but I have.

Guess a lot has just gone on the past few months.

Currently reading The Bell Jar. Had been meaning to for a while, but I guess with my mood it just seemed fitting.

I can kind of now understand and relate to the title a bit having nearly finished it. Caught in my own sphere seeing people living their lives around me. Even when my mood isn't too bad, I'm still living in my own sphere... but I suppose we all do in our own way.

Oh well. I'm going abroad to visit a friend this weekend, so maybe that'll help pick me up a bit.

I hope everyone else is ok.
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  #432  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 10:07 AM
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so much for eating healthy. damn this college and their damn good food
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PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #433  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 10:39 AM
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This therapist sent 2 videos of herself this morning. She seems nice. And shes in my state. (The app recommendeds therapists in your state). She is in south texas tho. And im in north texas. Shes willing to help me.
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  #434  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 11:25 AM
Anonymous50123
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
I didn't know you had gone in. How was it? I hope it was helpful.
ETA if it was involuntary or whatever. I didn't mean/think I thought you should go in, you seemed fine.
It was voluntary because my parents told my therapist, who told my parents to call the police on me if I refused to go, and I had the police called on me before and it sucked, so I just went voluntarily. I was suicidal and the voices kept telling me that they were going to kill my mom.

It was okay, it was the shortest stay I've ever had because I was doing pretty good on the second or third day or being there. My inpatient doctor put me on Geodon in addition to a higher dose of Stelazine, so I am concerned I might be overmedicated? But I feel fine so far.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ofthevalley View Post
How are you feeling?
I am feeling better. I was really ready to be done with everything just to get rid of the voices, but now I am feeling a little better. The voices aren't gone, but they never leave completely. They are just quieter.

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Originally Posted by ray68 View Post
Thanks for letting us know kori! how are you doing?
I am doing okay.
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  #435  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 11:54 AM
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Thanks for the update kori. Good to hear from you.
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  #436  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 12:46 PM
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Feeling okay today, in a pretty good mood.
Had more mapa training. We learnt painful emergency ways to get someone to let go. I practiced them on my bf when I got home. His yelps make me think they're pretty effective haha.
Heard about that tv series legion, about a guy who thinks he's basically schizophrenic but turns out to actually have powers. I love that idea. I'd love it if it turned out I had powers (though if I'm honest I still kind of believe I do). Guna watch it and see what it's like.
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  #437  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 01:01 PM
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In a bad place situationally but feel optimistic. My mind is clear. One thing I've learned in life as a rule, is to never give up. Or you die forever. Maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing.. Who knows.. Bad things will happen but always look forward to the good things that will happen instead. And that's definitely a mirror of itself.

Life is survival. Our genetics were passed on. We are superior to some in the niche game in some ways while others are better in other ways. But in the end, we are all equal.

I have been mind blown by how big the universe is that sometimes we can't even comprehend the flow of energy through one person dying in comparison to ourselves.

We are all in the same existence. That's for sure.

Take life like it's meaning is meaning itself. Because we'll rot in the ground and become one with the earth, as everything gets farther and farther away.. leaving almost pure darkness close to infinity until all the particles are in equal distance of eachother.. that's a long time.. but eventually they may not come back together again..

So unless this is the first and last big bang. Then we really must not take life for granted..

The big crunch could happen. I do however believe that space time will rip apart at any rate of expansion, forming new dimensions and universes leading to an infinite measure for the fate of "our" universe. A rule breaker which could be dictated by some God idk.

Then it would be again, "the" universe.

As I've said before while not well, paranoia dictates the mental response of our thought process. So there's no controlling it without medication or..

Some type of meditative, spiritual, subconscious miracle...

Anyways, there's a * spider on my bed and I don't know where it is..
  #438  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 01:09 PM
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Thanks, newtus

Thanks, friends for being so caring
I was pretty sure people wouldn't notice I was gone.
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  #439  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 01:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead View Post
Feeling okay today, in a pretty good mood.
Had more mapa training. We learnt painful emergency ways to get someone to let go. I practiced them on my bf when I got home. His yelps make me think they're pretty effective haha.
Heard about that tv series legion, about a guy who thinks he's basically schizophrenic but turns out to actually have powers. I love that idea. I'd love it if it turned out I had powers (though if I'm honest I still kind of believe I do). Guna watch it and see what it's like.
I used to think I had power too. If I am being honest as well I still think that I have. But atm I'm done, I am done thinking I have any special ability that left me feeling like I am a jobless avenger The only power that I want to believe that I have it right now is a spiritual power that fuels my soul not to ever give up in life.
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  #440  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 01:31 PM
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Thanks, friends for being so caring
I was pretty sure people wouldn't notice I was gone.
You often feel like that, though when you disappeared friends were asking each other about you
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  #441  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loial View Post
Hey folks

I'm not happy. Not quite sure why I've gone from mostly ok, to feeling pretty down the past few days but I have.

Guess a lot has just gone on the past few months.

Currently reading The Bell Jar. Had been meaning to for a while, but I guess with my mood it just seemed fitting.

I can kind of now understand and relate to the title a bit having nearly finished it. Caught in my own sphere seeing people living their lives around me. Even when my mood isn't too bad, I'm still living in my own sphere... but I suppose we all do in our own way.

Oh well. I'm going abroad to visit a friend this weekend, so maybe that'll help pick me up a bit.

I hope everyone else is ok.
Can I suggest that reading the bell jar may have made you sad?
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  #442  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 02:20 PM
ofthevalley ofthevalley is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loial View Post
Hey folks

I'm not happy. Not quite sure why I've gone from mostly ok, to feeling pretty down the past few days but I have.

Guess a lot has just gone on the past few months.

Currently reading The Bell Jar. Had been meaning to for a while, but I guess with my mood it just seemed fitting.

I can kind of now understand and relate to the title a bit having nearly finished it. Caught in my own sphere seeing people living their lives around me. Even when my mood isn't too bad, I'm still living in my own sphere... but I suppose we all do in our own way.

Oh well. I'm going abroad to visit a friend this weekend, so maybe that'll help pick me up a bit.

I hope everyone else is ok.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. I hope the trip abroad helps to lighten your mood.
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  #443  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 02:37 PM
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Loial Loial is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic View Post
Can I suggest that reading the bell jar may have made you sad?
Perhaps not the most cheery of books in part, but I was feeling sad before I read it anyway.

It's a fair point though! Not going to help matters with some of its dark moments. It does end well though. I finished it today.
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"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." Robert Louis Stevenson
  #444  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 02:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ofthevalley View Post
I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. I hope the trip abroad helps to lighten your mood.
Thanks.

I am at least looking forward to that, so that is something.

I just hope I can get myself out of bed for college tomorrow. I ended up not going in at all on Tuesday because I couldn't be bothered. Slept until like 3pm.

I think I just have to force myself... the worst part is just physically getting out of bed.
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The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again...

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." Robert Louis Stevenson
  #445  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 02:52 PM
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I think for me, it's unusual to be too emotional with my mood if you get what I mean but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy with things right now.

I am stuck in a routine of just college, home, sleep. I've not been enjoying doing much at home for a couple of weeks, unless I was drinking. So that was just me self-medicating. I've at least stopped that now.

As to the overall picture... am I severely depressed. No. But I am not happy overall. Something is just missing.

In the end of the day, I've suffered two losses since starting college, so there is certainly grieving that's gone on there.

I'm just not sure when things will return to some level of normality, but I am hoping this trip away might hit the reset button.

We shall see.
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The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again...

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive." Robert Louis Stevenson
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  #446  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 03:01 PM
ofthevalley ofthevalley is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtus View Post
This therapist sent 2 videos of herself this morning. She seems nice. And shes in my state. (The app recommendeds therapists in your state). She is in south texas tho. And im in north texas. Shes willing to help me.

That's great. I'm glad to hear she's willing to help.
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  #447  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 03:02 PM
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Roll Call 86

Got this at the mall today
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  #448  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 03:21 PM
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This indian woman yelled at me in the mall for walking the opposite direction in the aisle. Thats why i hate going out.
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  #449  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 04:55 PM
ofthevalley ofthevalley is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtus View Post
This indian woman yelled at me in the mall for walking the opposite direction in the aisle. Thats why i hate going out.

I'm sorry someone was so rude.
I went out today too <shudder>. I hate being out there. Then again I get tired of being home. It's a no win situation.
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  #450  
Old Mar 08, 2017, 07:38 PM
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Erti Erti is offline
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It's been a while... I feel safe and at home. So glad I moved back in with Mom and Stepdad.
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