[Psychotic_Phil]

Lately, as a way to channel my pain and frustration over my illness I've had these urges to orchestrate another school shooting like Virginia Tech or Columbine. But, everyone will be happy to know that I stopped that stuff. I told myself no. Just because I have schizophrenia, doesn't mean I can kill people and rob them of their lives. I threw my planning notebook away and now feel stupid for thinking of such %#@&#!. I'm not Seung Hui Cho. My illness hasn't taken over me and I won't let it happen no matter what...

[spiritual_emergency]

Psychotic Phil: Lately, as a way to channel my pain and frustration over my illness I've had these urges to orchestrate another school shooting like Virginia Tech or Columbine. ... Just because I have schizophrenia, doesn't mean I can kill people and rob them of their lives.

No, it doesn't. It's also not consistent with the profile of schizophrenia. Most people with schizophrenia are not violent: 99.97% of those with schizophrenia will not be convicted of a violent crime. There have been attempts to profile individuals who kill their classmates, but neither the boys at Columbine, nor more recently, the individual at Virginia Tech were considered to be schizophrenic. It is known that Harris (Columbine) and Cho (Virginia Tech) had a history of depression and treatment with anti-depressant medication; there has been some concern that psychotropic medication may have played a role in their actions. Cho was also diagnosed at some point within the autistic spectrum but many people with autisim do not inflict violence on other human beings. Klebold, on the other hand was considered to be a psychopath by some. Although the term is frequently shortened to "psycho" this should not be construed as someone who is psychotic. A psychopath is someone who is incapable of feeling empathy for others.

Still, there have been studies done and attempts to profile students who kill.

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School shooting is a topic of intense interest in the United States.[4] Though companies like MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems sell products and services designed to identify potential threats, a thorough study of all U.S. school shootings by the U.S. Secret Service[5] warned against the belief that a certain "type" of student would be a perpetrator. Any "profile" would fit too many students to be useful and may not fit the potential perpetrators. Some lived with both parents in 'an ideal, All-American family.' Some were children of divorce, or lived in foster homes. A few were loners, but most had close friends.

While it may be simplistic to assume a straightforward "profile", the study did find certain similarities among the perpetrators. "The researchers found that killers do not 'snap'. They plan. They acquire weapons. They tell others what they are planning. These children take a long, considered, public path toward violence."[6] Princeton's Katherine Newman points out that, far from being "loners", the perpetrators are "joiners" whose attempts at social integration fail, that they let their thinking and even their plans be known, sometimes frequently over long periods of times. The shootings seem as though an attempt to adjust their social standing and image, from "loser" to "master of violence."

Many of the shooters told Secret Service investigators that alienation or persecution drove them to violence. According to the United States Secret Service, instead of looking for traits, the Secret Service urges adults to ask about behavior: "What has this child said? Do they have grievances? What do their friends know? Do they have access to weapons? Are they depressed or despondent?"[7]

Source: Profiling School Shooters


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You are correct Phil, that in regard to whatever it is you have on your plate, it's difficult. This would be true no matter what; the teen years are always difficult because young people are frequently thrust into adult situations without benefit of adult experience. My own experience was difficult enough and I was an adult when I went through it.

As much as possible however, I did what I could to keep my own pain on my own plate and not thrust it onto the laps of others. This was fueled in part by a portion of my "psychotic" experience in which I "saw" all the pain and suffering that human beings had inflicted upon other human beings since time began. If there is a hell, that was it. I didn't want to be responsible for feeding that beast and this is something I remember when I feel hurt, or overburdened, or want to lash out at others. What am I going to feed with my own actions -- a higher good? Or the epitome of evil? Which master shall I serve?

You may have noticed that I set very high standards for psychiatrists and psychologists, enough to make them squirm sometimes, I'll bet. I set very high standards for "schizophrenics" too. There are demons to be slain in this journey and often, they are the ones within. It is not acceptable to intentionally cause other people harm. Ever.

Stand tall, Phil. Yes, it's tough but it's also possible that you have the makings of a hero in you, not a loser.

See also: The Hero's Journey

[Psychotic_Phil]

That's sound advice spiritual_emergency.My original plan was to kill myself at school in front of people but it developed into a homicidal and suicidal rampage...

One correction, when the Virginia Tech shootings happened they did label Seung Hui Cho as either bipolar or schizophrenic. Or at least that's what I read and heard.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Psychotic Phil: My original plan was to kill myself at school in front of people but it developed into a homicidal and suicidal rampage...

Have you spoken to your parents and doctor about these urges? If not, I think it would be wise to do so.

One correction, when the Virginia Tech shootings happened they did label Seung Hui Cho as either bipolar or schizophrenic. Or at least that's what I read and heard.

That's what I initially heard and read too, but a lot of people are confused about schizophrenia and violence, psychosis and psychopathological behavior -- it would seem that people leapt to some false conclusions in the early reports. The final report by the Government of Virginia made no mention of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.

[Rose3]

Hi Psychotic_Phil
Take the high road.
Move on and make constructive plans for your life.
Maybe find a professional psychiatrist or psychologist to assist you through this.

[Psychotic_Phil]

I have a doc and I should tell him, but if I do, that will permanently be on my record. Everywhere I go people will look at me and say "You sick son of a *****. You almost killed a group of people. Forget you." Is there anyway of keeping me in check and not telling either my parents or doc?

[DocJohn]

Your doctor's records are confidential. Nobody knows what's in them except your doc.

[(JD)]

I hope that when you come to those places in your life that you will be able to tell yourself, "Not now." You can convince yourself that maybe in the future you would plan such acts etc (should those types of urges rise again) but then tell yourself again, "Not now." I hope by putting it off and giving yourself time to realize the gravity of such acts you will "come to your senses" like you just did. I'm sorry life is so tough for you. ((((Phil)))