Pushing through the brick ceiling....

So often for women who want to rise to power there is a glass ceiling you can see through it but not make it past....Associated with psychosis I feel there is more of a brick ceiling....it's sturdier and you can't even see beyond it but perhaps you know what's there because you've been there before...so you just know what is or can be there.

I've been struggling lately with my job...not knowing if I can do it but wanting to try again....motivation and cognition have been my greatest obstacles but I think I found the key....in believing that something has changed I inside me I lost confidence and surety....when I was learning in the past I never stopped to question whether I could do something I just threw myself at it with my all without a thought of failure. When I can do that again I will have broken the brick ceiling as it won't exist anymore.

Do you feel like you have a brick ceiling fighting your progress? How do you fight it?

I can relate. How did I fight it? I didn't. I ended up becoming completely disillusioned with what I was trying to do and so I walked away. Now 6 years later, I think I might be regretting that. Which is ****ing stupid after all of this time! Maybe things could've been different, but they weren't, so why start torturing myself all these years later?! Ugh!

Are you sure your job is right for you? If it is, fight like hell for any and all support you need to keep doing it. That's what I should've done, but I believed those who said I was weak and couldn't do it :/

*Willow*

Thank you willow....

i don't know if I have a "brick celing"
i feel like it's a ceiling but i dont really have much interest in breaking it

i gues because i don't have a "normal" job so it doesnt matter much to me
i

I left the old brick brick ceiling (academia),and traded it in for a glass ceiling (writing). I have hope. The only reason academia is a brick ceiling is because what happened there. That bridge is burnt due to my psychotic episode. But I still have my writing and critical reasoning skills, so I'm hoping to write something worthy. My first book was a flop but maybe my second one wont be. I have reason to hope and in the meantime I learn. Whatever I do, if I believe in what I do, I'm unstoppable at trying my hardest. I sometimes fall short but I'm extremely persistent. The trick is that I have to believe in what I'm doing. A little passion has to be there for me to even try. Although, I still have my trade skill that I have. I find it very difficult these days when I work alone because my symptoms creep in when I'm stuck inside my head all day. I try to listen to music, podcasts, books on tape, and lectures to keep my mind occupied and to expose myself to culture. My heart is not into it but I'm a master at my trade so its like second nature. What really helps me are my companions at work. We all have a great sense of humor so it can be fun. Can you listen to music while you work to help you concentrate?

Yes I always have music on my headphones..it's helps to drown out the background noise. Just out of curiousity how long since you've been diagnosed....I was a real fighter in the beginning but it's waned a lot over the last 6 years.

I lost my confidence too... now I fear examns... while before I didn't.

I feel a giant wall from nowhere.... but I have to break it and be me again

Sometimes Psychotic, you are not alone. I've been SZA for 11 years, and I have become more beaten down with each passing year. Those weren't passive years, folks: every year is an ongoing series of battles against the illness. I lose most of those battles, and I've gotten used to the feeling of getting my butt kicked. I am afraid that if I put more effort into fighting SZA, that'll be much less energy for the parts of life I actually enjoy. So for me, SZA is a brick ceiling; I can't see or move beyond it.

My psychosis first started in the spring of 2012. So its been about 5 years. I've lost a lot of fight in parts of my life also. Yet I still write every weekend. I also am apart of researchgate.net That site allows me to ask questions and give responses to others in similar fields of study to keep the brain cells warm. I also take part in a philosophy forum. I go bat **** crazy if my mental life isn't exercised.

My most recent struggle, besides anhedonia was my paralyzing morning anxiety, because I couldn't work. My boss was frustrated with me. Everyone just thought i was lazy and selfish. Benzos had no effect on it. I drank all morning until 2:30pm trying to cope with it. That was when things went down hill for me. However, I had a life style change and found out my body requires a very high amount of protein. The problem is that I'm a vegetarian, so now I just have a protein shake every morning. Weird right? I'm not exactly sure it was anxiety but it was akin to akathasia. Now I show up for work and I'm a valuable member of the company I work for again. The men I work with know how hard it is for me to work alone all day, because of the symptoms. They're good people.

SP, what meds are you on?

Just Abilify...low dose 7.5 mg