Roll Call 91!

I hope I don't wake up tomorrow.

I cant sleep

I'm apparently **** at taking medication as prescribed. I always take too much or too little. Bad habits die hard. Doctor thought I was depressed maybe this is a sign. This bad habit of mine.

But of course give me meds for it and I'll probably do the same again.

I don't get to see my doctor again for another month and I'm too stubborn to ask for a refill. I don't even have a referral to a psychiatrist because I declined last time I saw my doctor.

I still haven't told people close to me what's going on. They don't know I'm ****ing crazy again. I've just been putting it off. In denial. After a certain point it's just too late to mention 'oh yeah three months ago I got meds because I'm crazy sorry I didn't tell you before.'

I'm a coward. I'm a terrible person. I'm too embarrassed and cowardly to tell the truth.

I'm sorry that they say that. I hate it too

*Willow*

Three months isn't really that big of a time frame...it's not like 10 years or something!! And it's up to you when you choose to tell people or not. Not telling doesn't make you "a coward" or "a terrible person". You will tell if and when you are ready, it's that simple. Don't beat yourself up about it!

Wrt compliance. There's no point in taking meds if you are going to constantly switch the dose/stop them. It will make you feel much worse in both the short- and long-term. You need to think about why you always have such issues with meds eg is it fear of side effects, scared of being dependent on meds, not ready to accept you need meds/have a MI etc etc?? Once you figure out if you want/need meds, then a depot will probably be the easiest option for you.

All the best,

*Willow*

I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope you do wake up tomorrow. But with heroin, there's a good chance you might not. Heroin addiction is what killed my uncle. He was found with the needle still inside his mouth (he'd run out of every other vein to use). I really think you need help from your T to beat this, or if not him (I don't know why you're taking a break from him), what about rehab??

All the best,

*Willow*

Thanks, Willow.

I think a huge part of it is denial. Maybe the mindset that the sooner I get rid of the pills the sooner I'm better. And stopping the pills to test if I'm good without them. Denial that this is long term and can't be fixed with one round of meds like an infection. Denial that I might have to be dependant on meds. Fear of long term labelling.

I always have the appearance of being strong. I feel like this makes me weak. I'm embarrassed and wish it wasn't true. I just want it to go away.

It's not likely to go away without effective care---usually with a first episode they will give you a trial off meds once you've been stable for 6 months to a year although this varies by country and even region. Stopping the meds cold turkey can cause rebound psychosis, typically you need to taper off to remain stable. You shouldn't be embarrassed about being sick---if you had cancer would you be embarrassed? It's a medical condition like any other it just happens to impact the brain.

I was depressed before when I had my first episode a couple years ago. It went away with the depression (I one day stopped the meds and was fine for a long time) but it's come back periodically ever since.

I get what you mean. I shouldn't be embarrassed but I can't help it...

Good morning everyone. Watching dr k. Not having the best day . No symptoms but a bad day personally.
I have training for some of my new tasks today. I feel like doing that like I feel like drilling holes in my head.
What's everyone got planned for the day?
Hope you all have a good day.

In my case I have bipolar it's mood related and I went 9 months without meds in between episodes----the docs still want me on meds----psychosis is tricky it may seem innocent enough but it takes nothing to get confused about something and lose your ability to function in work or school or even life. You don't know how many people try to fly or something they can't really do. If yours is depression related you might be able to take a mood stabilizer or an AD and not have the psychosis if you want to avoid the stigma of an AP. At the same time maybe it's not that severe for you and some basic cbt therapy would help but ignoring it is not particularly safe at least not in my experience.

Let me tell you a story....I'm here working to save the world with my research it's what I most want to do. But somehow the psychosis twisted things so that to save the world I would have to kill one person who was really the devil. What if I had gone out an done that instead of getting meds? I was lucky I had friends helping to steer me down the right path. That's why I'm trying to help----people helped me and I'm paying it forward. I only had 1 month of psychosis but it went from 0 to 60 that fast....for me it starts innocently enough I hear knocking noises---that's it. So I guess my advice is don't assume that everything will just be OK if you're only experiencing minimal symptoms---get a professional involved, get your refill and be done living with these thoughts and voices.

Hey guys what's up? Going to OA tomorrow. Then grocery shopping Thursday for some healthy food.

Hi blue_bird. Nothing going on here.

Went to the store and got a coke. It's so good. I've been craving one for days.

Aw I am in pain and there is people screaming out there window they been doing it since 7:30am and it's now 10:10am

Going to best buy

Uh oh lol

Lol. I bought a throw away phone so i can practice and learn how to use android phones.

Im back home. Very unenergetic. 100 degrees out. Burning up. Gonna have to stay in my room all day with the a/c.

Where is everyone? I keep seeing notifications from tapatalk but i click on it and no one has said anything.

I agree with everything that Sometimes wrote. Treatment is important, but that doesn't necessarily mean meds or meds for life. Perhaps therapy will help you more than meds? I personally believe that anyone can benefit from therapy, not just those diagnosed with a MI. Meds don't help me, I just get all of the side effects, but I have worked really hard on expanding my coping skill repertoire and it is invaluable. I did it through self-help, if you prefer that route, but a therapist can also help with that.

As for the diagnosis: I used to believe that it made me weak. Mainly because people kept telling me that over and over and over, and the depression made me feel worthless as well so I ended up believing them. Big mistake! I am actually an incredibly strong person, and I reckon everyone here is too. We have to be to deal with everything that we experience every single day.

And if the diagnosis, whatever it may be, doesn't resonate with you and is not helpful in any way, then discard it. It is just an opinion anyway. You don't have to build it into your identity unless you choose to, and some people do choose to, which is their choice if they find it useful. But you don't have to. I am not 'schizophrenic', I don't even agree that I have 'schizophrenia': I am just me; the same 'me' that I've always been when I didn't have a diagnosis and when it was 'psychotic depression'/'bipolar'/'sza'/'faking'/whatever. I am still me, and you will always still be you, whatever you do or don't call your experiences/difficulties and however you choose to 'treat' them.

Anyway, just something to think about

*Willow*

I love you, guys. You're going to make me cry. *giant hugs for everyone*

I really need some motivation to not only start but finish the past month of homework i havent done.

I need it quiet with minimal noise.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I feel so unmotivated. Ive been focused on my ex and this phone. The phone isnt a bad thing but prob shouldnt be focused on my ex. I cant stop thinking about him daily.

I agree with you on this part especially---

Imagine your life in the future, with a livable salary, getting paid to play with tech every day. If you want that, to be independent and move closer to the action, then you've gotta work for it.