Roll Call 95~

I don't feel paranoid or anything just depressed. I'm at work and it's hard to keep motivated and cheery. I felt AMAZING when I got up this morning and then my mood just plummeted. Wish I could just go home and lay in bed and do nothing...

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much

Have you ever looked into BPD as a possible reason behind your difficulties, jw? Maybe it fits??

Also, there's a therapy called ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - that examines our core values. I was wondering if the worksheets might help you discover who you are by helping you identify your core values...?

ETA: Such as these:

https://www.actmindfully.com.au/upim..._-_adapted.pdf

http://thehappinesstrap.com/wp-conte...Worksheets.pdf

https://www.actmindfully.com.au/upim...idence_Gap.pdf

*Willow*

Im trying not to put much thought into the voices im hearing right now. They are scary but they have no control over me.

I am diagnosed with BPD, so I know these feelings of emptiness and loss of identity are common to my diagnosis. I'm supposed to go into DBT therapy at some point, but I've been kept waiting for over 8 months now with no word of when I can start...

I can definitely take a look into those sheets, and print them out to fill out. Just have to get to my in law's printer. Thank you. <3

I burned myself with near boiling water from my ramen noodles cause my hand tremor got so bad I could not hold the bowl steady. I hate having this tremor issue. I've always had it; I suspect it's genetic cause my father has the same problem and so does my siblings. It just got worse with APs. Propranolol does very little for it now. Maybe I'll take SP's advice and get cogentin when I see the pdoc.

Have you been able to talk to the therapist about this. It might be some of the same feelings you had about your neighbors. Maybe he/she can help getting all of you in a group to talk about these and their feelings. I know a couple of words in edgewise might be nice. I don't think they commit people to state psychiatric hospitals unless they determine you need long and intensive treatment that can't be addressed in community hospitals. Have you been to the hospital a lot over the past year. I am
Okay thanks for asking.

Worked all day. Can I go to bed now

DBT would probably be helpful, if you can get it. I hope you hear something soon.

FYI I think the first link's worksheets are repeated in the second link, so you may not want to print all of the second link. I hope they are helpful. I found ACT very helpful to me and the values exercise in particular very insightful.

Sounds like idiopathic or essential tremor if it runs in your family. There's a few treatment options listed in this that might be helpful to take to your GP:

Essential tremor - Treatment - NHS Choices

I can relate as I get myoclonus in my fingers a lot and I've scalded myself and even chopped bits of my fingers off at times. I have to be very careful preparing food now as I never know when a myoclonic jerk will happen. That was caused by ADs. It's very rare, but it's pretty serious at times. Luckily I'm not severely affected like some people can be.

*Willow*

Are you in therapy Findingreason

Okay, note taken with the print outs.

Yeah, a previous doctor in the states said it looked to be essential tremor as well. I guess I will see what happens when I talk to my pdoc. I'm getting a screen replacement for my phone and I have to disassemble the entire phone to get to the screen frame, and then put it all together again. I hope my hand can be steady enough to handle the small components. I'm glad that myoclonus wasn't too serious for you, but I definitely relate...

Yes, in CBT with my regular therapist, once a week on average.

Just finished working. Have to go back for my evening work but that doesnt take long. Preparing everything for dinner.
How was everyones day?

i am super dehydrated

I was just out trying to vape but I think it's flooded because the mouthpiece kept getting too hot on my lips. The coil is almost through, just trying to make it last. Can't lower the watts or nothing would draw. So it goes, so it goes. (Does anyone remember that song? Forgot who did that song.)

I don't know why we'd all want to gather together - it would be hardest for me. Why are they punishing me for my roommate's actions. And are they going to want to care whether she remembers them or not? Because when she forgets you, it's like terrible sadness inside. You can't make memories. I hope they're ready for that.

But of course, they all have each other. No tragedy if she forgets them. I only have her so it's tragic for me.

I'm meant to be in a secured environment. Even though I was offered a place at a particular facility, they won't allow smoking or vaping, and vaping is my happy little ribbon that waves in the breeze. I don't want to go without it the rest of my life.

I just wouldn't tell them I vaped.

And worst of all is her family is losing her. That's the real tragedy. And she will lose them, but I hope not for a long long time.

Not so much a secured environment, as a place that has to feed me, do my meds, and I have the power to come and go, although probably would have to report on where I was going. This place is a lockdown life.

Could u vape without them knowing?

Took a little nap

Probably but they'd eventually find out, probably. And for breaking the rules I'd probably be evicted. Not that I haven't thought of it, though.

Ive been waiting all day for my book to come in the mail

I've been waiting for weeks for a check lol