[Rincad]

I don't know what's happening. First I started freezing up. I called call all mall, sorry. I call it that because I stop moving completely. And I get lost in my voices. The world turns sharp and I feel as it's unreal. Well that's not a good word ( I'm sorry I almost did it again) but I feel like I'm going to the world where the voices reside. Before it only lasted a few seconds now it lasting a minute to a few minutes.

Second my thoughts are everywhere. Which makes writing this really difficult. I don't know what's up. I don't know what's going on. I already have psychosis. That includes hallucinations and delusions. Which I'm already losing insight into.

I don't see how it can get worse I barely take care of myself. I can't keep a grasp of reality. I'm only 14. I don't want to sound like a victim. But I have no family history of psychosis or schizophrenia disorders. I can't concentrate or really do school. I'm not failing but I think after these additions I am.

My voices tell me to kill others and myself. One warns me lorn corn shoren. One tells me my actions and calls me cruel worlds. I see monsters. This has been going on for months. Before my thoughts I could at least keep them under a certain amount of control. Now it's like every hour.

Is my psychosis getting worse? I'm diagnosed with psychotic disorder nos. I just want a peace of mind. Don't want to live with this. I've been on abilify, risperdol, zypexia, geodon, invega, and now seroquel. It's not helping. My mom does not want me on the typical antipsychotics. I personally don't know what to do. I went to the neurologist said that it doesn't look like anythings wrong with my neurologically. I don't know what to do.

Should I go back to the hospital? I don't want to upset set let jet cept my mom. Even though the moon shines on the car laps cats.(I'm sorry it happened again) I feel like I let my family down. I don't know how to tell her I'm suicidal because of the voices. (Thank goodness for autocorrect this would not make sense without it.)

I don't like the hospital or being locked it makes me paranoid. But I've got a plan. I want to wait for a follow up for neurology. Because the ordered tests. I don't know if I'm going to lose control. Like I almost ran away because one of voices puts thoughts in my head and control. I forgot to mention but when I want to talk I can't when I do it's a few words than I drift.

What's happening to me? Should I go to the hospital?

[Shazerac]

Hi, if you can go to the hospital that would be a good idea.

It sounds like you are having racing thoughts! This is a symptom of bipolar. You might be schizoaffective. Schizoaffective is schizophrenia with a mood disorder, in your case it seems like bipolar. So when you're having a bipolar manic phase you will have racing thoguhts and your psychotic symptoms will flare up outrageously! In this case, you need a mood stabilizer added like Lamictal. I was on lamictal and it was one of the easiest to bear drugs to be on. So few side effects. I hope this helps. ((hugs))

[Rincad]

Day tripper, I think I confused everyone, but what I meant was that my words where jumbled. They made perfect sense to me. And I have lav cav sav(I'm sorry, but that is a example.) I'm not switching topics like in bipolar. I don't feel happy or irritable, I feel emotionless. Like nothing. Not empty like in depression. Yes my sleeping in disturbed because of the serquel. I sleep to much and the only reason I can't sleep is because of monsters that come in my room and my paranoia skyrockets. If I want to talk I can't and my whole thought process just stops op top cop. Than I go mute for like half an hour and during that time the voices invade and my paranoia goes up. Then I 'freeze'. After that since the voices warned me I close my self off. And I withdraw more. I don't know if that is what racing thoughts are. But to me it seems normal until i realize I'm not make my sense. It's the words that get jumbled not so much the topics. So low lo co I don't know if that counts mounts lounts as racing thoughts.

Hi Rincad and welcome to PC

What you demonstrate with the rhyming of words that sound the same but aren't connected e.g. "have lav cav sav" is called clanging or clang associations. It is found in psychosis. I don't think it necessarily implies racing thoughts, although it can be seen in bipolar mania too. What it demonstrates is a loosening of connections between thoughts. Some people describe schizophrenia as a fragmentation of thoughts and feelings and emotions and behaviours so that one thing does not necessarily logically follow another.

Since you have a diagnosis of psychosis already, I would suggest that you tell your psychiatrist what you wrote here (maybe even print it out for them) as they will want to know about it and may be able to suggest something that might help you reduce or stop it all.

All the best

*Willow*