Roll Call 103

I was just telling my bf this. He doesnt understand cuz hes not mentally ill and i worry he will break up with me for my mental illness

Honestly i was doing good for a couple of years until this past july. My ex stopped taking his and i got curious and stopped mine for one day. I felt free and i liked the freedom. I felt like the meds were holding me back from the truth of the world. I saw things a little deeper that day and felt sensations i hadnt felt in a long time. I felt like my mind was free and it had been opened that day. Almost like getting high.

But honestly i get real psychotic off meds. Even on them but i can work past it on them.

So alone.. lol..



Remember.. We are in time and space. A journey of a lifetime..



Full moon tomorrow though..



Remember it has power..

my meds make me dizzy...
i hate it too i dont like getting dizzy

Anyone still up?

I am up
But I might go to sleep soon
I am in bed now and I am still feeling a little dizzy

Im sorry kori

Just heading to bed before I fall asleep watching tv on the couch lol. Busy day tomorrow! Doctor’s appointment and job opportunity! ... that’s all I got, actually, but still! Busy.

Hope all goes well cog!

I'm just laying in bed with my phone on Facebook and stuff because if I just lay here I'm going to think about how alone I am etc.. My life is just how it is.. Being alone..

My mom is gone to Vegas for a business trip with her skin care. My sister is gone to her friends.

I actually would rather go to work tomorrow because I realize it's not that bad anymore and so I can be with people. That's really weird.. And sad..

Idk how my dad deals with being alone.



Sorry for being such a downer lol but it's night time anyways.

Tomorrow idk what I'm going to do. I'll try to write down plans and stuff. My mom left without telling me when she'll be back but I probably just forgot.

I'm going to get some pizza from the freezer

Then I will be happy😁

I am waiting till nut job upstairs turns off his surround sound on his tv...

Wow...when I rode the ambulance here, the bill was only 25€. It was really affordable. Psych ward visits are 22,80€ a day. My medications cost me about 50-60€ a month right now.

When I lived in Connecticut, I was on Medicaid, so I didn't have to worry about costs. However, I looked at it as a downside, because the limit on income was around 16,000 USD a year. It was better for me to only work 30 hours a week at minimum wage than try to get a job making 20-25K a year because the insurance and copay costs for me would've made it more expensive to live. The only way a better paying job for me would've worked well is if it was at least 40K a year or more, and that would've required me finishing my bachelor's degree, which was very difficult while working 30 hours a week.

The healthcare and education system in the United States makes it hard to move up the ladder. It keeps the poor poor, and the rich rich. I worked very hard to try and get my education over 6 years of work and never was able to finish.

My wife and I agreed it was better for us to stay in Finland for the time being, because there are pathways to the middle class here. You aren't punished for making more money with healthcare here. You aren't punished for education costs if you make more money. There are no tuition fees for school. I would much rather be in a system where I pay my share of taxes and have healthcare and education provided as a right, rather than a privilege.

Mine was $500. I never paid it tho.. And I'm fine lol

Good morning. Hope everyone has a good day.

As promised, my new septum piercing It hurt like freaking hell, but worth it.

Good morning. I slept all day and woke up feeling drowsy. Been having anxiety as well this few days. Was tempted to buy some Benadryl for my anxiety but then I think I shouldn't add any med without my doctor's approval. So I chain smoked instead. Rainy season is here, it's been raining almost everyday. I love it. Rain motivates me to write, nature is magical.

Desoxyn : Thank you for the acne cream info, will check it out if my acnes don't get better
FR : That piercing looks cool on you

How cool!!!!!!

Morning

I guess ill be going to see my pss and then group. And then i hope the bf comes over today. Today is his day off.

I really feel like just staying home. But i shouldnt. Ive been home everyday since friday. Except when i got my flu shot Tuesday .

Yea i think im depressed...

I think my boss is cute

Uh oh..........

I dont want to do anything today. I really dont. I mean i do, but i dont wanna see my pss and i DONT want to sit in group for an hour and a half. I just dont. I wanna go shopping or SOMETHING.

I hate today

And the worst part is, my pss says i need to be coming into see her AND going to group from now til january. Every freakin week. Im NOT looking forward to this. This is why she told me to take the semester off, so i can get myself together.

I dont even care anymore.

Ugh and my effing internet isnt working so i cant check on school on my computer.

THE FREAKING INTERNET NEVER WORKS OUT HERE

Sorry...

The thought of everything is stressing me out...

Hey,

I had a mock assessment and another assessment today. Got 100% on the mock so that's good... will do the actual assessment next week. Not had a mark back from the other one yet.

Look isn't my code lovely, not that complex in the grand scheme of things but makes me feel good getting it spot on (excuse the lack of indentation from copying and pasting):


chickenfoot would have approved. She liked coding.

I also saw my guidance tutor today and we had a talk about how I was getting on etc. We just sort of touched base about me having issues and that affecting my attendance. I decided not to bring up the thoughts of dropping out because I think if I say it, it'll seem more like it could happen. I mean I have felt a bit better in college the past 2 days even if I find it really hard to actually get out the door.

Glad it's the weekend now but I do have a 2000 word report to write. Can't always win.