Roll Call 103

I was up recording all night. Just woke up.

I think its time for a huge change for me. I think i need to eat healthy 100 percent. Yea its not gonna be easy. These health problems really open up my eyes tho. It doesnt help that the meds work against me. I really thought i was really moving along when i got under 170 pounds from 180 but my weight hasnt budged since late august. Its been 2 months now maybe. Month and a half idk.

Its just really upsetting. Ive been holding off since march to buy clothes. Ive had to give in in the summer because i had no pants at all that fit me. Well 1 pair. I was wearing those everyday.

I love rain and cold on a train. It would match my mood ^^

Like misery would be instead focused on the ****** weather and I would relax.

Meditation!

I'm trying to get paper towels, Kleenex, and soon, water. I get so reluctant to ask for anything here. I'm very intimidated. I didn't ask around 3 and that's when I should have .

Im really scared im gonna die. I want to believe this is a delusion but its getting worse everyday.

Why can't you ask now?

I took my meds

Aww dammit I forgot to shave my armpits.

Do i post too much here?

No. Why do you ask?

I feel like maybe i just over post. Idk. Maybe no one just has stuff to say to some of my posts.

I did just go to the desk and asked someone else for Kleenex. The paper towels can wait until tomorrow. We will need toilet paper again, too. And tomorrow I also have to see how much money I have. I might have 3 months worth. Or more or less. I'll have to call the opthalmologist to see how much copay I might have.

That's good.....sounds like you're on top of things

Probably half of the time I click the hug but I know you can't see that so occasionally I'll comment.....

Nah not over posting.

Thanks guys. I wonder every once and awhile.

The only time i ever feel the best and less stressed out is when i wake before i get out of bed. My muscles are less tense, my brain is clear for a bit, no anxiety. My gabapentin isnt making me hypomanic anymore which makes me sad because even tho i was hypomanic, it also calmed me. The med did. I would feel as if i was floating. I felt taller.

I downloaded this app called Moment. Its a phone usage tracker. Ive seen it in a magazine before.

It has two coaching courses in the app. One is called “Bored and brilliant” to help you refocus your time by giving you an exercise everyday to focus on something other than your phone. Another is called “Phone Bootcamp”. You have to pay for the second one. Gonna do the first after a week of seeing my first results. Might pay for the second one after that.

I feel like **** when I get up. Of course I have no time to just relax. I get up and then get the kids up. It sounds easy to just get up earlier but 6 is about my limit. Can't get up any earlier.

Its weird because i goto bed late lately (11pm-12am) but still get up earlier than most people my age ( around 8am).

Thursday, when it's not raining, I'll show you guys a picture of the house we're flipping. I think we're painting the inside too, but that won't be as big of a difference as the outside. The outside is stained wood that we're priming right now. The previous owner of the house came by and he is an author of thriller books. He said he liked the stain more than the paint hahaha He's crazy. This house looks like noah's ark right now.

120 ml for under $35. 4 flavors. My friend missed another flavor, but this should be fine. It was my fault because for some reason I made a very messy presentation of the flavors in emails. But it's so easy to buy like 2 more flavors for around $10, I can buy more when I wish.

ETA something I forgot again - oh yeah, they say they include a mystery juice with every order (over a certain quantity).

I go to bed around 11 and get up at 6. On the weekends I sleep from 11 until 9 or 10.

Who on earth get's a 2 hour lunch? I didn't even get a two hour lunch in kindergarten and I could aim the food in my mouth!