Roll Call CIV (104)

Well I found a man, stronger than anyone I know
He shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share his home
I found a lover, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own

We are still kids, but we're so in love
Fighting against all odds
I know we'll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand
Be your girl, you'll be my man
I see my future in your eyes

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

OST. Perfect by Ed Sheeran

Nice 12am

I'm going to try to fix my vape. I'll have to use these paper towels to wipe off the spilled ejuice, etc etc etc. Not looking forward to it.

I have a kitty sitting on me. Can't get up and be productive. ...oh darn.

My psychotic episode took me to the hospital by a paramedic who faked the vitals report then lied and said I had a personality disorder after I specifically said I didn't. The ER doc basically the same one who ordered 5mg of olazanpine last time I was knocked unconscious or blacked out and went to the hospital because I hit my head and did something to my neck. Geeze maybe I been thinking I should have olazanpine as allergic to my list, because it's been twice now that I had fallen while on it! Anyways I refused it and demanded to speak to a psych nurse. Anyways I had to wait over 2hours for one to come on shift. We talked about meds to take and such he said what about seroquel which I was like I am allergic to(rash) then he said that my dosage wasn't proper one for someone who hears voices/psychotic disorder...I said "no sh.t! I was wondering when my pdoc was going to change them, how long I had to wait which has been forever and why couldn't she just do it when I saw her last time?" He was like did they have a pharmanet I was like no and this is the wrong med to be on since it made sick when I was on higher doses all the time. So he decided to send me home with loxapine I swear I used to be on it I might have to do my research or something!

I had oatmeal for breakfast @ home. I had was going to take the bus home but they got me a taxi instead which was nice of them.

It's 5mins to 10am I might get up and do something I was going to take a nap but it's very loud above me it's like when all screech owls wake up and yell and scream at their top of their lungs everywhere around me !

I reactivated netflix. Gonna watch a whole series now.

Went to church today, it was nice. I brought this card thing I got from RCIA on the order of the Mass and when to sit, stand, kneel, and responses and stuff etc. It was very helpful.

The new cycle of my day program begins tomorrow. Have to start getting up early again.

Doing good mentally, I feel really good. My therapist recommended I stay until February in the day program till I transfer to the clinic side because at least I'll have one good month of support for my first semester back in college in January.

That sounds terrible

What are you watching?

Glad you feel good, I always look forward to your updates

Im watching a series called Dear White People

Marriage is awesome

This show is the best show ive ever seen

Trying a new coloring app

I fixed it! Coil just needed to be tightened, and vape juice wiped up. Stupidly, though, I didn't refill it because I was feeling too intimidated. Have to refill at 4pm.

I'm sorry you had such a bad time at the ER. And with those awful noisy people where you live. I hope you'll have a much better day today.

That's so cute!

I'm really glad you're feeling good and things are going well!

I have so many BMs on my period

The most embarrassing thing just happend to me...

I went to get pads. And when i walked in to the store the entrance beeped. And then when i walked out it beeped. So i had to hold up my bag of pads to show them i wasnt stealing. EVERYONE was lookingg At me. Everyone turned around. Im not kidding.

This is the second store this has happened. At target too. Idk if its something in my new bag i got like a tag or something.

But i was afraid to go into that town today to begin with because its a small town with mostly white people. Everytime me and my bf go there to the grocery store we get stares. Even he said its probably cause we are an interracial couple.

So today was awful and did my best as a black citizen in an mostly all white town.

I feel so scared and awful.

I'm so sleppy

I keep logs and files organizing things on my OneDrive, which helps. It is unfair indeed.

I get random thoughts, chaotic in nature sometimes. It's hard to think straight these days. It's like there's everything and nothing happening at the same time in this messed up skull of mine...

Good evening/afternoon everyone. How are things going?

I'm okay. I wasn't feeling good last night, stomach was bothering me. Fell asleep and never took my meds. So I took my olanzapine this morning despite thinking that I didn't need it. Fell asleep around 3pm and then woke up at 8pm. Been tired since. Last time I'm taking the olanzapine in the morning...

I've also been thinking I was being poisoned...maybe the omega-3 supplements I bought are poisoned. Hard to tell. My insight comes and goes, and everything is jumbled up.

I'm back home now. Feeling sleepy so early night for me in a wee while. I'm not sure if I'll go to college or not tomorrow.