Roll Call CIV (104)

I wish i couldve helped yesterday with the spotify and pandora thing but i was busy. I have free pandora and i pay for spotify. But I prefer my apple music subscription. Good thing about spotify is the playlists are curated just for you.

The bf and i played around with the idea of marriage yesterday. Talked about what we would do if we got married and/or had kids.

Sure its early but it was fun

I'll probably have i heart radio pandora and Spotify all free....they have different perks in the free versions, Spotify seems to be really hands on which is both good and bad.....

I think it's easier to talk about when it's early, harder when it's more realistic......

What do you mean exactly?

For the first 6-12 months there is sort of a chemical meltdown in your brain that overrides anything negative and you both feel it. Everybody thinks they've found the one for 6 months if you make it past the initial trial period. After that you go into a different phase of love at least for me. You start to notice more issues, you start being slightly less accepting. You think do I really want to marry this person, maybe you've discovered a critical flaw. Are you settling or is 90% good enough? That kind of thing.....

I see. Yea i understand.

I wonder how i know if i found the right one then?

With my ex i was willing to accept all his flaws because i loved him. But he just didnt love me back.

New bf is different from my ex in that hes a lot more respectful and a lot more caring. I hope he stays that way.

It takes time, that's why most people wait a couple of years before talking seriously about the M word......

The thing i worry about is my mental illness and marriage. I was upfront with him about my mental illness in the beginning and told him a couple of days ago that i want to get married but i fear i wont ever be married because of my mental illness. I wonder how someone would handle it because i deal with it everyday. If im not psychotic then im depressed. If im not depressed or psychotic then im anxious. Its always one of those 3 things. Everyday. I seriously wonder if i were to marry him if he could even deal with it.

Yea i understand. Well if he is the one then it doesnt matter if its a couple of years or not. Its up to him because i expect him to make that marriage move.

I wonder if i see him too much or if one-two times a week is good.

Gonna be alone today. Dont know what to do. I suspect i will spend the day crying.

I found out a couple of days ago that uber and lyft has expanded their service area and they come out here now. Before they would drop you off here as long as they had picked you up in an area they serviced. But now they service this area so they will pick you up here. At my house now!!!

I had been wondering when they would come out here for the longest time. For so many reasons. What if i couldnt drive and needed to goto my clinic? And also i can be taken to the state fair with uber. Plus like what if i got sick or just whatever reason that i couldnt drive.

Now just waiting for ubereats to come out here!!!

They said when you meet the right person you know it. You just know it because your heart, your logic, your soul say yes. They are your best friend, your soulmate, and no one or nothing can compare. That's what I heard Of course it takes process though, I don't believe love at the first sight.

Not regularly. Last night they told me to pee in a different room. There was only one person in there and I hope they didn't mind. :/

Morning. Slept until 10:45 this morning. That's without ambien (I forgot to fill it and when I tried it was expired).
What's everyone doing today?

I dont have crap to do today and im dreading it

❤️❤️❤️i have marriage fever ❤️❤️❤️

good morning my psychotic friends just stopping by to say hi!

Hi right back at you.....

LOL we're the kool kids in this psych ward.

yo........

I wonder how much a engagement ring is if the man is only making 12,000-24k a year.

Me too 😂

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Marriage