Roll Call CIV (104)

I have a sore throat can't decide whether to go to work or not, probably have to go......

Morning

Its freezing. 50 out.

I talked with the bf last night. He called me and we video chatted and he said he understands what i mean about hating texting all day with him. And not getting to hear his voice all week. He admitted he is stubborn and needed to make some compromises to the relationship.

Gonna have coffee

From what I understand your previous doc is on the hook for refills until you find a new Pdoc (usually one month). At least that's the way it is here. When I got out of the hospital I had to wait 6 weeks for a new Pdoc. I ran out of meds and had to get a refill from the hospital Pdoc.

Good morning. Hope everyone has a good day.

Is it allergies or a cold? I hope you get better

Morning valley!!!

Allergy pill didn't help so probably a cold.....

Staying home.....

If it’s just nothing that I’m not hypo and I’m not depressed and it’s just too much caffeine or alcohol why do I need these meds what’s the point I’m just wasting my money and my time.

The meds help the psychosis usually.......I don't think she's discounting all your illness just whether you have a mood disorder too.....if you have long term psychosis without mood it could be sz or if you've never been manic but have been hypo or depressed it could be sza... but then there is also delusional disorder if you haven't heard voices and only have delusions.....lots of possibilities I'm sure she's just trying to figure out which one......

Morning/Afternoon

Im really sorry about last night...i feel like thats why no one is talking to me here

She said oh I might have a paranoid personality disorder that’s all she ****ing said about it she wanted to focus more on caffeine usage and alcohol consumption and street drugs (she mentioned this several times and I told her I only did ketamine a few times years ago and I purchased all those drugs because I was hyper and impulsive and textbook hypomanic or manic but nooooo). I’m just ****ing mad about it now **** her.

I'm talking to you this morning .....but I think your statements did come from a place of privilege last night...

Ok......I'm not sure where she's coming from......maybe the latuda is already blocking the worst of your symptoms.......

Morning Loial......how are you doing today?

Not entirely. Ive been denied a job i applied for a few years ago because i stated i was on disability and would need accommodations. I also realize i could never get the job i want because ive been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder. Which also hinders me from really even pursuing the major i want in school but im trying to push through that.

I actually understand quite a bit. At my clinic im not taken seriously because they just see me as a mental patient. Amongst other people. Which is why even tho my diagnosis is in the system i dont tell anyone about it. I dont even say i have depression. Its just like what i was telling you guys few months ago. I was posting about that stuff on instagram and people in the near few towns were telling my dad and my brother was telling my dad i shouldnt post about my mental illness because of job prospects.

So i kinda get it and ive seen other people be denied stuff because of mental illness dx. To me i think people shouldnt steer clear of certain dx, just dont tell people after youve been dxd.

Not sure what kinda of privilege I have tho being black, female, and someone with a mental illness. Other than my family has money.

From my perspective you have your family to fall back on....that's privilege one

You have Medicare which can't reject you for your Dx that's privilege two

You got ssdi without ever working privilege three

Now not everyone here has those three things that ensure survival....

If you can't get a job you have all three to protect you.

If I can't get a job I can't get ssdi because I don't have enough work credits....

If I can't get a job I can only get obama care due to the preexisting conditions clause....no other insurance will take me.

Even if I went back with my parents to live I would have to spend down my savings on health care until I qualified for ssi and Medicaid.

This is what I mean, you may have missed out on a job but it didn't hurt you in the same way as someone without those three privileges.

I have privilege here too, I have my family and savings but not everyone has any of these things some people live on a knifes edge.

While i may recognize certain things, i actually have worked. My ssdi is just not under my work credits. I worked while i was in high school.

Feel sick drinking ginger ale. Have to work in 10 minutes

Doctor agreed for me to start coming off the 300mg of seroquel I'm on for sleep. Don't think I need it anymore and she wants me to stay on my invega shot, so I will be going down to 200mg today. Hopefully it helps with the weight loss. I'm doing good in terms of eating healthy. I haven't binged or purged in like 120 days. Found out she's Catholic too which is cool

I've worked 16 years full time but because all but four were for the state it's not covered by ssdi......

Basically there are certain things you have that not everyone here has access to.

That is what I consider privilege....that doesn't mean I and others don't have certain other privileges but I think it's important to realize when you do come from a place of privilege.....and to respect the struggles that others have, you know what I mean?

Glad you're doing so well bluebird . Good luck with the med reduction

Ok. I feel like im being put in my place.