the voices have been relentless since the attack in Texas
they keep telling me that it's my fault because I don't listen to them

they tell me that if I don't hurt myself or punish myself tht more people will die or get sick or hurt

I feel hopeless

I want

Possible trigger:

to kill myself

because the voices say that it's my fault all these bad things are happening right now and as much as I would like to stay alive I feel like if I died then people would be safe i would be saving he world

whenni try to explai this to people they don't listen to me
It feels like no one cares or no one can relate or understand me

I feel more alone every day
I take meds gut they don't help me

I just want to stop existing

[Findingreason]

I'm sorry you are feeling low and in this state Kori.

I can relate in some way, when people close to my heart have died, I was convinced it was my fault and sometimes the voices would tell me the same, that I was a killer. This subsequently made me want to die. Having insight now, I can look back and realize I hadn't any factor in the deaths of these people. Even still, sometimes I have this residual belief that I can cause someone's death with my thoughts.

Are you at risk of causing harm to yourself right now, or willing to act on what the voices are telling you to do? If you are, it may be worth going inpatient for adjustment and help. I know it isn't something any of us like to do, but if you explain to them that no other medications work for the voices, it is possible they could try something like clozapine that is recommended for treatment resistant schizophrenia.

I sent you a friend request; if you need someone to talk to without judgment and here to listen, I am here as a friend. My sleep is incredibly random and I'll be traveling to the United States soon to visit family and friends, but I will be on here periodically to respond if you need to talk to.

I hope things get better soon.

[serloco]

OK this is going to sound crazy but here we go.. When the whole isis thing came out i was supposedly controlling the tv and controlling people. At the time I was murdering the voices that were in my head. If they crossed me in any way I would feel ok in killing them. I thought they were alive then, living entities and so that made me a murderer. When isis came on my schiz, and the voices, told me that the isis people were like me. I was ruthless in murdering my enemies (voices) and soon found out that the isis people were too. I believed wholeheartedly that they were because of me, that I had made them that way. I felt terrible. But since then I found out the voices were not real living beings, and I since stopped murdering them and made them into angelic beings. Now if the isis people were really my fault, and if they really were like me then they wouldnt be killing life forms and would make evil beings into good beings. I wish they were like me because i am kind and compassionate. Bottom line is its not my fault, and its not yoru fault, and we should not listen to our illness' or voices. I hope you find peace soon Kori, and I hope you realise that those people are their own people with lives of their own. They made their own decisions just like you and me do. Its no one else's fault if i do something wrong. It is mine. Just like it would be your fault if you did something wrong. I agree with findreason that if you feel suicidal for a while and plan to harm yurself that you should go in the the hospital. I think it would be a bad decision. If we only had one more day to think things thru then maybe we would find things arent as bad as we thought or maybe things would get better if we toughed it out. I know people would miss you as you have some good friends who really care about you. Think it thru kiddo.

I kind of don't want to go to the hospital
I don't want to die but the hospital can't help me

I just want to stop existing

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

I kind of don't want to go to the hospital
I don't want to die but the hospital can't help me

I just want to stop existing

One thing the hospital is good for is keeping you from dying......

[Rincad]

Listen it's not your fault. I know that probably won't help, but maybe if you write down that it's not your fault ault mault cault bualt vault(please ignore rhyming and nonsense sentences) some where and put it where you can see it maybe it can. Tell the voices it's not your fault that people's dying was not because of you. You didn't plan it, you didn't know it was going to happen. Something's just happen and unfortunately we can't do anything about it. But what we can do is accept that it happened. You can accept that it lit fit kit mit rit happened and it wasn't because of you. Suicide is not going to help. You need help.

[joshuas-mommy]

I want to kill myself also.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by joshuas-mommy

I want to kill myself also.

Can you go to the hospital or call a crisis line?

i am just done with life

everytime i start to feel a little better, someone comes around and makes me feel at least 50% worse

i thought i wanted to live still, that's why i kept coming here because i dont have any IRL friends i can talk to
but you know what, it doesn't matter anymore

i am just tired of the voices, meds don't help me anymore and apparently even though i've not been suicidal or even talked about it since may 2017, i am an attention seeker because i have been suicidal for more than a day

[Rincad]

Your not an attention seeker just because you have suicidal thoughts for more than a day. Theses are real thoughts affecting you. It's not for attention, it's so you can try coping with life. Try reaching out to a support line or someone in real life.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

i am just done with life

everytime i start to feel a little better, someone comes around and makes me feel at least 50% worse

i thought i wanted to live still, that's why i kept coming here because i dont have any IRL friends i can talk to
but you know what, it doesn't matter anymore

i am just tired of the voices, meds don't help me anymore and apparently even though i've not been suicidal or even talked about it since may 2017, i am an attention seeker because i have been suicidal for more than a day

Whoever said that is not your friend......

[Erti]

whoever called you an attention seeker is an asshole and your feelings are valid and your well being... please don't do anything rash... we like you here in the SZ and psychosis forum.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I'm very sorry to hear this, Kori. Please stay around and keep talking.