[AquaGuy]

This lasted about 7 years, thereabouts, so I will be summarising the events as much as much as possible. And these will be in a random order as I have no idea where one started and the other ended.

Year 7 (age 10-11) to second year of college (age 17-18). I am now 22 and now, even though I have occasional paranoia and other things, I see it as a paranoid delusion and wish it away, it took more than 7 years to recognise a hallucination and a delusion and paranoia.

I began to get obsessed with doctor who, and this escalated. I began to believe, becoming deluded, that I was being contacted through the TV, and through the stars, and through the radio, etc, by Rose. For those who don't know what happened, she basically got trapped in a pareallel universe and after a while she began to contact the Doctor through different means, and I thought she was contacting me for some reason. I heard voices (her voice), saw her, everything.

Then I developed another delusion, where I vehemently, whole-heartedly, believed my school was run by an alien race in skin suits. I put A LOT of effort into forcing them to reveal themselves, instead of doing school work because that was unimportant at the time. I thought they had a secret room in the newest part of the school (the reason for a new building being added to a very old school) and, I believed illogically, that the the secret room was behind a disabled toilet, but the only was it could be accessed was through a hidden button behind a light switch, which then morphed into 3 students, hidden, being teenage spies. It turns it that I thought they had a secret lift down, that went under the school, the same place where I thought the alien base was located.

Then it changed to me believing I was a vampire. I have, and have had for most of my life due to a lot of childhood nosebleeds developing my phobia, a phobia of blood. However, my obsession with vampires forced this phobia away and I began to get obsessed with blood, drinking my own blood because I was a "good" vampire, believed I had fangs, believed I had super speed, and tested it, causing a lot of people to laugh... I injured myself a lot with this delusion.

I then became obsessed with Spider-Man. I became convinced that I was stolen from New York as a child and got raised here as a normal child. I loved my parents and grandparents (I obviously still do), but the part of me that loved them fought with the part of me that hated them at the time. I would see things in the mirror, like different coloured eyes, I thought I had spider senses, etc, you get the idea. It ended up causing injuries. I nearly broke my back at one point..I even planned to move to New York to find them and live up to "my farther's" name and become spider-man. This one lasted a few years, I even began to study highly advanced genetics and biology to try and insert animal DNA into my own, and I thought I understood it then, but obviously I was delusional.

This is the worst one.
I believed I had a brain tumour. It lasted about 6 years (while all the other delusions and paranoia and hallucinations happened) all because I got an ear infection once. I felt dizzy and had seen a programme my grandparents were watching about this girl with a brain tumour and that kick-started it, and the belief grew. As the years went by, and I still hadn't died or beocme seriously ill, I rationalised it as God helping me (I have no religion) but then I got ill with a cold, the symptoms came back and, I whole-heartedly believed I would die in the nighttime. I fully accepted death and expected not to wake up...
It went on for so long, I have always been a minor hypochondriac, almost all of my life, and despite not passing any subjects in school and failing college after going for 3 years, I know enough about medical and psychological illnesses to half recite a medical dictionary. But, at the time obviously, my thoughts were all over the place and my brain "told me" to think the worst.

There have been a lot more, and they even happened, to the extent I listed above, before the age of 10 (I think they began around age 6).
For some strange reason, while I've always been known as the weirdo, getting bullied a lot and stuff, none of the teachers, none of my friends (I only had 1 friend back in high school, as I was very socially withdrawn), nor my parents or grandparents noticed any signs of possible psychosis, they just thought I was "shy". How can that be possible?

Thanks. Sorry if I've written a lot, I just wanted to get some of it off my chest.
Peace ☮️

Oh, and PS. I also struggle with periods of hypomania followed by mild dreprssion. During high school I had severe depression, which, if I'd have gone to see a specialist, would have been diagnosed as clinical depression. But I have spent most of my life in a constant paradoxically "mixed" emotional state, and struggled to describe my emotions as a child due to being always mixed. I began to have depression in high school (and obviously the other problems didn't help at all) but now have begun to very occasionally, and very fleetingly, experience hypomania.

I would have put a lot more information, but didn't want to write too much in 1 post.

[AquaGuy]

Also, another question instead of starting a new thread - what does hearing voices actually sound like?

Basically, I have no idea whether what I hear could be a hallucination or just what most people experience at some point. I've experienced it almost all my life (as far as I can remember).

I can be doing something, meditating, reading, watching a film, talking to someone...and a voice in my head (not external), generally from the right hand side, near the back of my cranial cavity, I will hear my voice (or someone I know well's voice) saying random words, like, "banana", "evil", "hmmm", "Paul (my name)," other people's names, too, and random stuff like "I know", "love," "I know, right?". Just literally random words, or sometimes random phrases. Sometimes telling me things that I would never have thought of, like answers to questions I didn't know consciously. I know I don't hear my thoughts because I can hear it at the same time as my own internal dialogue, and we can only think (with words) one thought at a time...

Does this happen to anyone else?

Thanks. Peace.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Based on the part I read, I'd say yes and there are two types of voices internal and external---sounds like you're hearing the internal kind. You should really talk to a psychiatrist if you're still experiencing any of this or concerned about it.

[AquaGuy]

Thanks for replying. It doesn’t actually cause me much concern, I just felt curious because I’ve never heard anyone I know mention that they experience it too.
I have to say, it only happens every now and again, sometimes months or years between hearing it again.

Is it possible to be too self aware that, even if you do have psychosis or something related, you wouldn’t receive a diagnosis because you can function fine?

[Rincad]

Severe depression can cause psychosis and hypochondria. I don't think that you'd receive a diagnosis of psychosis now. It doesn't sound like you'd qualify now ow mow cow wow tow pow sow( please ignore rhyming and nonsense sentences). Another thing about is that you say you have internal voices and like what Sometimes said that it is a type of way to hear voices. It's not commonly recognized as a way lay fay kay may to hear voices. In the past it was labeled as "pesdo-hallucinations". Many are asking for the name to be dropped. Sun flower basket cook papa we abbey castle candle. Hypomania and mild depression are a quilfer for a different diagnosis, cylcothmia or bipolar, we can not make ake gake diagonses here.

Psychosis requires a functional impairment. Someone can have mild psychosis but it still has to affect them in some way. It has to affect occupational, personnel, or social life ife mife kife jife.

Either way you need to see a professional.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by AquaGuy

Thanks for replying. It doesn’t actually cause me much concern, I just felt curious because I’ve never heard anyone I know mention that they experience it too.
I have to say, it only happens every now and again, sometimes months or years between hearing it again.

Is it possible to be too self aware that, even if you do have psychosis or something related, you wouldn’t receive a diagnosis because you can function fine?

Yeah absolutely it requires some negative impact to be any kind of diagnosis.....plus if you're totally aware its not psychosis either, but you mentioned delusions that you believed in........voices alone definitely don't mean psychosis.

[AquaGuy]

Originally Posted by Rincad

Severe depression can cause psychosis and hypochondria. I don't think that you'd receive a diagnosis of psychosis now. It doesn't sound like you'd qualify now ow mow cow wow tow pow sow( please ignore rhyming and nonsense sentences). Another thing about is that you say you have internal voices and like what Sometimes said that it is a type of way to hear voices. It's not commonly recognized as a way lay fay kay may to hear voices. In the past it was labeled as "pesdo-hallucinations". Many are asking for the name to be dropped. Sun flower basket cook papa we abbey castle candle. Hypomania and mild depression are a quilfer for a different diagnosis, cylcothmia or bipolar, we can not make ake gake diagonses here.

Psychosis requires a functional impairment. Someone can have mild psychosis but it still has to affect them in some way. It has to affect occupational, personnel, or social life ife mife kife jife.

Either way you need to see a professional.

Yeah, I’ve read about pseudo-hallucinations, I think. I still keep questioning it though, I just almost obsessively research illnesses, although nowhere near as much as I did during high school.

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Yeah absolutely it requires some negative impact to be any kind of diagnosis.....plus if you're totally aware its not psychosis either, but you mentioned delusions that you believed in........voices alone definitely don't mean psychosis.

Well, as you can probably see it’s a fairly complex problem. Basically, I still have delusions now and very rarely mild hallucinations, but far less than I used to years ago, and most of it can more than likely be explained as hypnagogic. I will almost constantly get these ideas, what I now call theories to help explain to people. They will be things like the government spying on me, controlling my mind, the weather, everything pretty much, then think I’m a sleep agent, then think I know the secrets to life, then ETs infiltrating the government, etc, etc, one crazy idea after the other, but I think of it like, “well, how can that weird sound be explained?”and think of things to explain things that I believe signify something important, like a random symbol on a wall or something, but then I think it seems too illogical so kind of brush it off, but it still lingers there in the back of my mind and even if it seems too illogical I still feel the need to question it and believe it. I don’t get taken over by it, it still experience it kind of...

Have you ever watched Harry Potter? If you have, you know how Luna Lovevood behaves. Well, I’m like that, I believe some crazily outlandish things, but I know that doen’t mean psychosis.

I’ve looked at the DSM-V and I technically meet (or did meet) the criteria for schizophrenia, I show both negative and positive symptoms, except they don’t interere with my life anymore like they used to, so probably wouldn’t get diagnosed with it.
I have severely disorganised thoughts, my friends and family can vouch for that, I express the blunted effect a lot, generally I tend to withdraw socially when I start to question reality, I struggle to express what I think very well, I have extremely abysmal memory and concentration and according to what people have told me most of my life I have difficulty understanding what people tell me, like commands and instructions and it takes a long to grasp things socially or understand generally.

Sorry for the essay LOL.

[Rincad]

Have you ever heard of schizotypal personality disorder? It's similar to schizophrenia except less severe. People with it can be paranoid and such.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/syc-20353919

I how that helps you a but. But still bring it up to a professional fessional dessional(Ignore gnore nore lore more rhymes please.)

[AquaGuy]

Thanks. Yeah, I’ve heard of that before and think it does sound like me. However, I think I will go and see a professional. Almost everyone I know has suggested that I do, and it can’t hurt, can it? If I don’t have anything, I don’t have anything, if I do, I do. At least I know for sure then.

[Rincad]

Good luck at seeing a professional, they will help you greatly. Don't worry the won't stick needles in you so the only thing hurting is the anxiety of waiting. You should go to your GP and ask for a psychiatrist, you can also go to psychology today or other sites to help in the search.