Roll Call 111

I'm at my mom's and I miss my boby. I'm going to go check on him tmrw with my sister tho

There was a shooting at the mall Door2015 is at. Shes been texting me saying shes been running and scared.

Im scared for her

Oh no....I hope she will be okay! How bad was the shooting? Did they catch who was doing it?

I have no idea. It just happened. Her phone is dead. And i dont live in the same state as her.

I can only speak of my own experience. I've never been a mother, so i can't empathize fully because a) i don't have kids b) ill never be a woman.
But as a son who didnt speak to my mother or grandmother for almost a decade, because my mom spent my college funds when she was in a financial pinch. I regret cutting ties with my family for those 8 years. I choose my battles now, and will go along with many of my family's tradition. My mom loves me unconditionally, and i really didn't realize that because i Was too focused on her flaws and our differences. My grandmother is very... Orthodox. She loves me but wants to control certain aspects of my life, like spiritually, and wants perfect habits (virtue). It can be overbearing at times, but when i was in the hospital, and came out i lost a weeks worth of pay and my life was crumbling. She asked me if i needed help and she got me back on my feet financially. That was the only help I've gotten from my family since i moved out at age 17 and said sayonara. I didn't even have to ask. Nobody had ever helped me before when i became an adult and that blew my mind. Then i had to live with my mother for a year which was difficult but the fact that she let it happen meant a lot. We had differences but we learned from each other and learned to not step on each others toes by a continual give and take. She can't help me in some ways, but.in other ways she Does.
My roommate thinks her mother is toxic because she loves to gossip, but the generosity her mother shows in other ways is altruistic... I see her and i feel regret for how i dismissed my mother for 8 years. When my grandmother begins to direct my life i just take it in and if i disagree it just goes out the other ear. She's an alpha female and her sense of purpose is in being a mother figure to even the great grand children. I've had to bite my tongue often on a lot of issues. She's said some archaic things to me, but that's just how our relationship is between us. She's a Lutheran grandmother, who studied law, grew up on a farm, and father was a doctor and ww2vet. He left his profession to go to war during the peak of it! Her mother was a nurse and that's how they met, in a hospital.. What I'm trying to get at is that once you dig.into your parents history you will begin to understand them, their motives and their ideas. With that i was able to empathize with her, which gave me more patience.

Can you let us know when you get back in touch with her? So we know she's ok.

Yes of course

I'm having so many unwanted thoughts about every mistake I've made. I wish it would stop.

Its 8pm already and my package is still not here. Dang.

I wish I could vape in here. Lately I've been getting called last for the smoke breaks and as a result might only get 7 or 8 minutes instead of the 15 or 20 minutes it's supposed to be. I'm getting anxiety over the damned vape break.

And my lungs are really getting worse. I should quit vaping but I won't. My nerves need the crutch.

Door made it to her car. She was with her husband and daughter.

I was scared for her. Glad shes ok. Im sure shes home by now.

I feel dead inside. Empty. I hate this feeling.

Damn I fell asleep. My daughter cleaned the cat box for me and put herself to bed. I just went up to say goodnight.
All my gifts have come in. I'm so happy. Good thing I reordered.
Well I took some NyQuil and I hope it makes me sleepy. I feel wide awake.

Its almost 10 and ups still didn’t deliver my package

That sucks. I'm so sorry. Maybe tomorrow.

I hope. But my friend said they could be delivering late as 11.

Anxiety can't sleep.

So much anxieties..

Morning,

It’s Christmas Eve... we all know what that means. Christmas tomorrow!

I hope today goes fast, and tomorrow very slowly.

Anyway, shortly will be getting showered and then we are off to Edinburgh to see the ice sculptures. Already charged my iPhone up so should get some photos!

Hope everyone has a good day.

So I decided to unleash Prime95 at my 8700K to see how hot it got. I’m using a Corsair H50 140mm radiator with dual fans. The package reached a whopping 132 watts and the hottest core reached 95C/203F. The TDP of this chip is supposed to be 95 watts. I may have to do some tweaking. And when I start giving this thing real world loads I may need both a more powerful power supply (current one is 430 watts), and perhaps an AIO 280mm water cooling loop. Was not expecting the 8700K to get this hot. O_O

Morning

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Having coffee!

Grrrr. I'm aggravated at Intel. A CPU rated for 95W drawing 130W under high stress. Even under 30% loads it gets into the mid-70C range. Not acceptable. My cooler was able to keep my old 2600K cool even under high load. This leaves me no choice but to upgrade my cooler to something considerably more powerful. Also the high draw of 12V lines that my CPU and GPU do renders my 430W power supply a risky use. I cannot use this system to its full potential currently, and I need to be able to do that when school starts. So to accommodate a 280 mm radiator, I need a new case, and to accommodate the extra power of this setup, I need a new power supply too. This got a lot more expensive than I was planning for. Grrr.

Im bawling my eyes out.

The closer it gets to Christmas the more depressed i get. I always think about family and how they dont care. Im so extremely lonely and i dont think anything will really help me.

I kinda had a crush on my first pdoc.......

Can’t wait to see pics!

Looking at what you are currently listening to on Apple Music under your profile. Pretty interesting.