[fudgecakes]

Hey everyone

So I'm feeling suicidal because I have a physical illness but there is no good hospital care in Europe for this disease, also the person I love does not love me back and is even mean to me. I know the person probably loves me somewhere deep down, but we keep getting into fights. I fear this person hates me now, then I don't know how to react. But at the same time I do.

I also have some emotional problems: it's getting better, but I feel like there is a presence (feels like God) watching me and judging me all the time, and I get OCD/intrusive thoughts because of this. I don't dare to be myself or speak up for myself because I'm afraid my own thoughts will turn against me, and that hurts me. It also annoys me a lot to have this feeling; I've learnt how to reduce the feeling of this presence watching me, but it's taken some time. So one question I have left is: how can I be more confident and accepting of myself?

And how can I learn how to talk about "embarrassing" problems etc? I just can't.

[malika138]

Are you able to find a therapist to help sort through your feelings? Even if you are unable to say things out loud maybe you can start by writing down little pieces of your story.

[Skeezyks]

I think learning to be more confident & accepting of yourself is a big part of what therapy is about. And, beyond that I think it's matter of getting out & doing things a bit at a time. Nothing succeeds like success, as the saying goes. Start with simple things you know you can succeed at. Do them & then add some things that are just a wee bit more challenging, etc. It's sort-of like exposure therapy I would imagine.

I know what you mean when you mention talking about embarrassing problems. I don't see a therapist. I've tried a few for brief periods over the years. But none if it ever amounted to anything. Part of the reason for this, I know, is that there are things in my past that would be SO embarrassing for me talk about, the humiliation meter would be off the grid! I personally can't do it & I never will.

Hopefully the embarrassing things you're reluctant to talk about aren't quite to that level. Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives on the subjects of therapy & divulging sensitive information:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...ch-in-therapy/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/talk-t...onest-are-you/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-wo...our-therapist/

https://psychcentral.com/newsletter/...nt_therapy.htm

Hope some of this helps.