[MtnTime2896]

They go from telling me I'm not real to nothing around me is real. I get small breaks in between, like now. I have music playing to try and get the noise to stop, the talking and the overwhelming buzzing like I'm surrounded by cicadas. Aside from my friend's dog, I've been alone, though she is helping me stay grounded during my panic attacks.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I make it stop?

[MtnTime2896]

My friend is with me but I still feel all over the place. It's getting confusing at this point. Like, I don't know what's real and my mind keeps going back and forth with if my friend is real or not. Logically, she couldn't be an impostor but I'm still struggling with it. I took some anti-anxiety meds and hopefully they make it easier.

I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe to show my doc later. I'm not sure.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Are you on an antipsychotic?

[MtnTime2896]

My Rx is Olanzapine 10mg. I missed last night's dose but it's been getting worse steadily anyway. Admittedly, I've been smoking weed more frequently than normal but it has been making the depression easier to deal with.

I've calmed down a bit since I took the anti-anxiety meds. Things are still happening and it's hard to get ahold of my thoughts, but it's more manageable right now. I'm just hoping it stays that way.

Weed can boost your dopamine which entail makes you more susceptible to paranoia and delusions. Be careful friend.

[MtnTime2896]

I didn't smoke last night or today. Just took my AP and went to bed last night. I think I'll stick with this hiatus away from it. I woke up a little more clear headed. Hopefully I stay this way. I hadn't smoked for a pretty full couple of days before yesterday happened, but I should've known that it was going to get bad, again.