Roll Call 114

junkDNA · Jan 31, 2018, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zoloft haver

morning.

Possible trigger:

i dont know why my ed is flaring up so bad. maybe just because its been an even 10 years now since it first started getting to its worst point. but i can barely get myself to eat now. theres no sensation. i just dont feel hungry and when i do eat more than a little my body rejects it and spits up. and i keep looking at bad sites. i hate that im the kind of person who goes on pr* *na sites but its like im addicted to triggering myself. my old therapist (god i miss him) always said i was malingering. guy always knew how to drag me good. theres an appeal in being around people who have the same problem, sure, but then its like youre all bonding over your worst selves and theres always that subtle air of competition to be crowned the sickest in the room.
its so pathetic, im too old for this sith.

I definitely understand the unspoken competition of eating disorders

Angelique67 · Jan 31, 2018, 02:54 PM

I'm going to lock up my nail polish and remover. I hope she didn't ruin more than the one so far. I'm really down right now. I think something at lunch made my stomach sick. I feel terrible. And I'm so tired today.

Does anyone know anything about wireless headphones? My therapist said they might help me (because I'm hard of hearing now). Then I could watch TV whenever I wanted. I just don't know how they work, and if they'd work with a TV here.

junkDNA · Jan 31, 2018, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loial

Afternoon/Evening,

I've had a pretty good day I guess. I got up earlier at 8:30am but I went back to bed until 11am after breakfast. Will try again tomorrow!

Went out and got some nice fruity e-juice. Then I just played Zelda all afternoon. Just now finished my dishes and about to cook dinner.

I dare say I'll be back on Zelda after dinner but I'm going to try not play until bedtime.

Oh and good news. The X-Files starts next Monday in the UK. I'm really looking forward to it. And not too long after Homeland should be appearing I think.

Zelda was my shxt on N64

Findingreason · Jan 31, 2018, 03:00 PM

Alrighty, I just finished putting my profile up on Upwork. Hopefully this will work. They said it will be up to 24 hours to process my application.

Blue_Bird · Jan 31, 2018, 03:01 PM

My cat thinks I can lay down all day with her on me, that's what she expects. My legs go numb after an hour or so of laying with her like that and I have to get up and stretch and she gets mad lol I also sometimes have to go places , she is like glued to me

newtus · Jan 31, 2018, 03:03 PM

Home now

Angelique67 · Jan 31, 2018, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

It's just a lot of anxiety I'm dealing with, I'm doing good without the AP though. I'm sometimes afraid to leave the house because I've been being followed by people and the government has been out to get me , they have been at it for awhile but have been flying under the radar so I can't notice them. They are slowly making their presence known so they can terrorize me before they can move in and take action. That's the problem, so I've been stressed about that going on and it's caused my anxiety level to go up a huge amount.

Wow, this doesn't sound good. Thinking back a couple of years, I believed I was a target of gang stalking. And I'm not sure what exactly was going on when I went out but I heard and saw and smelled things that seemed to be solid evidence that it was happening. Even on the way back from the hospital I heard lyrics to a song on the radio that referred to me and my life. But the driver said he wasn't paying attention. At the time I had just been switched from Abilify to Invega at the hospital. It took awhile for it to kick in.

Anyway, I remember how convinced I was at the time. But now, if that happens again, I'll try to remember that when it happened last time I wasn't on a working AP.

Do you think maybe your paranoia is in high gear lately? I think it really could be. It was in my case back when I was convinced I was being gang stalked.

newtus · Jan 31, 2018, 03:16 PM

Im not feeling completely like myself. Idk why. Or i think i do...

I had a talk with the bf. He made a passing comment about an episode he saw me have. Its bugging me. Idk if he was insulting me or not.

But yea

I dont quite feel like myself

Desoxyn · Jan 31, 2018, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I'm not sure what exactly was going on when I went out but I heard and saw and smelled things that seemed to be solid evidence that it was happening.

That's the worst..

Blue_Bird · Jan 31, 2018, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Wow, this doesn't sound good. Thinking back a couple of years, I believed I was a target of gang stalking. And I'm not sure what exactly was going on when I went out but I heard and saw and smelled things that seemed to be solid evidence that it was happening. Even on the way back from the hospital I heard lyrics to a song on the radio that referred to me and my life. But the driver said he wasn't paying attention. At the time I had just been switched from Abilify to Invega at the hospital. It took awhile for it to kick in.

Anyway, I remember how convinced I was at the time. But now, if that happens again, I'll try to remember that when it happened last time I wasn't on a working AP.

Do you think maybe your paranoia is in high gear lately? I think it really could be. It was in my case back when I was convinced I was being gang stalked.

I saw my therapist recently and they said it sounds like paranoia, I think it's anxiety. I don't see how something that's actually happening can be paranoia. so idk. I guess I can talk to my doctor about it. I see her sometime soon.

Blue_Bird · Jan 31, 2018, 03:21 PM

I don't know what's up with this anxiety med, causing me to sleep 15 hours a day. Plus I keep forgetting things. I forgot what month we were in yesterday, like had no clue. Couldn't remember what I have been watching lately on DVDs I get from the library or what else I've been doing.

zoloft haver · Jan 31, 2018, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My cat thinks I can lay down all day with her on me, that's what she expects. My legs go numb after an hour or so of laying with her like that and I have to get up and stretch and she gets mad lol I also sometimes have to go places , she is like glued to me

my dog thinks the same thing. i think theyre trying to point us to a better life purpose.

Angelique67 · Jan 31, 2018, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I saw my therapist recently and they said it sounds like paranoia, I think it's anxiety. I don't see how something that's actually happening can be paranoia. so idk. I guess I can talk to my doctor about it. I see her sometime soon.

That's good. If you want to, take notes throughout the day of what's happening. And what makes you think you're being targeted.

It helps to create a record of events you believe are happening.

Findingreason · Jan 31, 2018, 03:59 PM

okay, heard back from Upwork. They didn't accept my application. Despite having like a 5+ year job experience and Associate's degree. Oh well. What were some of the other places that do freelance work I could try?

newtus · Jan 31, 2018, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Findingreason

okay, heard back from Upwork. They didn't accept my application. Despite having like a 5+ year job experience and Associate's degree. Oh well. What were some of the other places that do freelance work I could try?

Feelancer.com

Fivver

Upwork has been real picky about people i heard.

newtus · Jan 31, 2018, 04:08 PM

Yea i thinking about becoming a freelancer

newtus · Jan 31, 2018, 04:15 PM

Should i tell the bf i felt slightly insulted?

He made a comment how i tore a poster off the wall in an anxiety attack/panic attack/episode what ever. He said something about how once when i went to my room and started tearing up posters. Idk it was how he said it.

newtus · Jan 31, 2018, 04:18 PM

Idk...i worry about how us living together will work out. Because im lonely as it is and he said video games is a huge part of his life. Saying how some days he’d probably be doing it for 5-6 hours.

Erti · Jan 31, 2018, 04:21 PM

So I told my caseworker about how I was looking for low income housing or section 8 housing. She is encouraging me to talk to my mom about it. yikes.

newtus · Jan 31, 2018, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

So I told my caseworker about how I was looking for low income housing or section 8 housing. She is encouraging me to talk to my mom about it. yikes.

Is it not a good idea? What has your mom said about it before?

Blue_Bird · Jan 31, 2018, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Idk...i worry about how us living together will work out. Because im lonely as it is and he said video games is a huge part of his life. Saying how some days he’d probably be doing it for 5-6 hours.

You should be a bigger part of his life than games