Roll Call #115

Good evening/afternoon everyone. How are things going today?

I'm so sorry for your loss, Unsure.

I'm okay. Just woke up an hour and a half ago. Thinking about where to take my life from here. I know I want to go to college this fall. But I really also want to get back to learning Finnish too. I looked at the curriculum for the degree program and it includes Finnish in it. But I just feel so out of place by trying to get by and rehabilitating back to where I can go to school. I feel like I am not doing anything, or not doing enough. I know I need to be careful though, and not go back down the roads I did before that led to mental burnout and crisis.

Took a quick unexpected nap before my kids got home. I just zonked out.
I’m sitting in a parking lot waiting for my son. He’s collecting golf balls. He has quite the golf ball business.
Then I have to do my night work and cook dinner. I’m excited because I’m going to be training a girl to do my night work. Hopefully I can pass it off soon. It’s not hard or anything just at an inconvenient time. Makes for a split day so I never feel done. Figured out a big problem at work so I’m feeling better.

Thinking of getting a library card and going to the city library with my laptop a few times a week to study. I need to get busy again.

Meh. I don't feel good right now. My stomach was bothering me horrifically last night. At least I never threw up. I'm tired and exhausted...

I put my finger into my eyes. Its the only way to slowly stop the ache.

I hope you'll feel better soon. Are you still trying to modify your sleep schedule?

But it's made of all the things I have to take...

Thanks. I really should....but I've been staying up until like 9-10am lately and sleeping all day. Not particularly good....

Not sure why facebook friends are still finding my instagram. Even tho i made a new one. Im not making another one at this point. I just wanted my family to not see my insta cuz they spy on me. Ive already had problems with a few of them and i wasnt wanting to make it private because then my hashtags wont work and random people wont be able to see my stuff.

I've been through that many times (from when I was actively ill for many years). Make your crashing time an hour later every day. Go to the library as an early bird.

hey guys. I feel sleepy and hungry. slept until now. had a dream about being at a children's hospital for mental health problems and had no idea why they send me there. Then I was playing with this thing and you write down a name and you write a date of birth. so I decided to play around with it. I wanted to write down John F. Kennedy name but didn't know when he was born so I asked random doctors the date... but they wouldn't. So I'm like eh whatever.

May 29, 1917

Vybriid.....

Thanks!!!

I opened up to my mom about the bf having a felony. She didnt seem judgemental but i dont think i can open up to my dad. I had to tell my mom cuz she keeps saying better jobs he could get and he cant tho...

My real dad came to visit. He's replacing my ex step dads polish spices with Hungarian spices.

I'm helping him cook and we went to the bar.

I need my ibuprofen. My throat is so sore. I really need it NOW! And I don't want to wait hours for my meds.

The perfume in here is really bothering me now, being sick. One of the roommates keeps splashing perfume and Lysol constantly. I might have to get a different room. Even if she's embarrassed by the odors that's no excuse for polluting the air even worse.

I want to sleep. I’m mentally exhausted. Cat dog rough week at work. I’m just ready for some down time and sleep. Lots of sleep. I’ve been taking Ativan 30 minutes before bed so I don’t get panicky while trying to fall asleep with the ambien kicks in.

Im ready to goto bed too

For some reason my throat is closing up

I know the Ativan is helpful now, but please try not to get into new habits of taking it. You're experiencing terrible grief.and.loss, and I don't want you to get physically dependent on benzos knowing that if.a catastrophe happens and God forbid you can't get a prescription again, you aren't left hanging off a cliff. Sorry, I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful, it's just that I don't want you to have to go through that. (((((Valley)))))

I wonder if I died in 2007 and been in hell ever since.

I took a Benadryl. It feels like my throat is closing up. I looked in the mirror and it was narrower.

I'm such a jerk. But can you avoid using the Ativan by smoking pot instead?.