Roll Call 123... Go!

Fire away!

Thanks cog!

Thanks cog!!!

I’ve been applying to jobs, a couple entry level IT and one in science writing like for pharmaceuticals....

I can imagine roll call 666. I will pressure everyone to use it for good luck.

Cuz we skipped roll call 13 xd

I think the increase in Latuda is helping a bit so far with my delusional thinking and paranoia. I still have some beliefs that I know aren’t real but can’t help but believe. Maybe I’m getting better at recognizing them?

I don’t feel as bad that way. Still waiting a while to see if my mood improves. I don’t think I’ve been as impulsive the last few days tbh.

My cousin is on Latuda. She has bipolar 1 with psychosis. She's doing really well.

For me I noticed that Abilify helped with delusions but not paranoia (Paranoia was bad) and Invega helps with paranoia almost completely and it takes a bit of time (Like a year) of taking it constantly to stop the delusions. (I've never heard of delusions being separate from paranoia like that it's only my own observation).

I was hoping that you would do better on increased antipsychotic because it was clear to me that you were having psychotic or quasi psychosis symptoms that I related to and it made me remember a lot of things that I was going through in the past like running from school with intense paranoia (Looking at the houses, cars passing by looking at me trying to run me over, being cops etc), taking too much risperidone to calm down which would work for 2-3 days, helicopters flying over my house, police coming to take me away etc.. Also the amount of disorganized writing that I wrote down in my notes trying to explain it all but always erased.

Don't give up hope. Even if Latuda isn't good for you, there's other antipsychotics.

And for everyone here, research in psychosis is advancing and I looked up the chemicals in trial for schizophrenia and schizoaffective and some of them looked like Abilify type drugs.

Don't give up hope. No more of us should get to that point <3

I had taken a 2 hour nap

Thank you, it means a lot.

Sometimes I get dejected but I’m not giving up hope. I even told my doctor today I’m not ready to throw in any towels lol.

I’ve been on risperidone before and I know it helped quell the paranoia and delusions but it made me so tired all the time I would prefer not to go back that route. Abilify helped a bit but I gave up on that pretty quickly last summer because I was resistant...

I would prefer not to go back to any of the typical APs but if I have to, I guess that’s what it has to be.

No towels here, I promise.

My doctor has hope for Latuda and he makes me have hope.

Crystals don’t protect me.

Salt doesn’t doesn’t protect me.

I’m not being followed.

I’m not being watched.

The mirror isn’t stealing my image.

The ceiling still moves.

I’m still in love with a TV reporter and I believe he’s in love with me.

Music is sending me messages but they’re unclear.

... Baby steps.

Ahh finally done for the day. Just have to clean the litter box and put my daughter to bed.
Right now I’m relaxing and enjoying the quiet. Dinner was okay. I won’t buy those steak tips again. They were kind of tough and I didn’t care for the marinade. Guess I will have to make my own to get what I want.
Took my meds.

Idk I guess... it doesn’t really make sense. Being dependent on something. Medication. Like admitting I’m not right. I’m sick. I’m imperfect. I’m not as strong as I thought I was. Knowing that it might be a year or two or never when I’m well. One little pill can control me so much. Ruin my day or ruin my life if I don’t take it. Missing one dose can send me off to crazy land. I hate the power it has over me.

My dad and I were in the jeep and a song came on the radio like "Pills to wake, pills to sleep, pills to wake, pills to sleep, pills to wake, pills to sleep".

We laughed..

I think I’ll take a nap while I wait for my daughter . Maybe I can make it past 10:30.

I just remembered i bought some sour patch kids today. Woohoo!

The pill doesn't try to control you. The illness tries to control you. The pill allows your to be you. Otherwise you are your illness. You said your on Latuda too? That drug is top of the line, it's not even generic yet. You're on the best. It's not weak to need a pill everyday. When you get older, and have to take 15 pills a day, you will realize one pill isn't a big deal, lol

I cant sleep

I’ve still got a long way to go. But I am understanding some Finnish. Like it makes sense. I I was able to figure out some of what my friend and her spouse were saying. Public announcements in stations make sense now. I can pick out parts of music. Like if I was able to cry I would. I feel like I belong here. I am making it a goal to get my Finnish to the level required for citizenship in a couple years. Goal is 2020.

And in other news I was admitted to the International Business program at the university!

Awesome news Findingreason!

I woke up too early today and couldn't get back to sleep.

I had a nightmare about my t

now I'm up

but this is my favorite time of day so it's ok

it's dark and quiet and everyone's asleep. I feel safe

but I go downhill when the sun rises

cuz it's back to reality.

Grats.

That’s awesome. Congratulations!

Good morning. Slept until about 5. I don’t know why I’ve been waking up so early but it’s pissing me off.
Working today. Lots to do. I’d really like to take the day off and go back to bed.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Thanks for this DT. I can’t always think logically lol. It makes sense what you’re saying.