Roll Call 125

Felt better as the day went on. Didn’t feel so disconnected with the world. Felt more real. So weird what’s going on hopefully tomorrow is more normal otherwise I’ll have to try to explain and go back the doctor. But I don’t really want to go on other meds I like the Latuda...

My cousin always startin some shyt with me

Hahaha I got your back if you're talking about Facebook.

I feel a bit better

The only way for me is to meet the dmt entities.. That for me is giving up..

Good morning. Slept until 5. Hopefully I’m able to squeeze a nap in before the bestest comes over.
Working today. Should be quiet. After that I have to go see my guy. Aside from that I have nothing going on.
Hope everyone has a good day.

i don;t want to go to work todaaaaaaaay but i played sick last wednesday and i can't let myself wallow. need to start taking my meds again but my psychiatrist is holding my refill hostage again until i can come see her and i can't afford her. i don't know why she always does this when she knows i'm a stupid poor and can't see her more than twice a year without sacrificing my health insurance to her, she eats into my deductible so fast and i can't foot a $300 bill.

amurica!!!!!!!!!!!!

working 12:30 to 9 today and tomorrow

really liked my first day. we get to do lots of diverse things

a little worried abt some of my coworkers and me not fitting in w them

the manager.. on our way out... told me that these 2 girls are not fans of his and that they start a lot of drama

Just waiting for the smoke break. I feel crappy and my hair is badly tangled.

Feel like I'm going to throw up... Idk why.. I have the past 3 mornings since I started the birth control patch.

Morning

Having coffee

That can make you nauseous......

That might be one of the side effects...nausea.

Please be aware that birth control patch can cause blood clots. I used to use the patch and got a lung clot that had traveled from my leg. I was hospitalized for a week then had to take blood thinners for a year. It was a a royal pain in the rear. I am glad I survived but never used the patch again.

Yes what BPforever said.

Ever since i started BC 2 years ago, my periods have never been the same. They are very irregular. I just use condoms for safe sex.

I had therapy today. We went really deep into my childhood experiences (mainly drug and alcohol abuse). We even went into how I felt when my dad cheated on my mum and what my relationship is now like with my dad. I've had group therapy before which helped at the time but I never really opened up. One on one therapy delves so much deeper than I thought it would.

Feeling normal today so that’s good. Wtf last couple days though...

It depends on the type of therapy...
Cbt deals with the present only.....that’s all I’ve had.

Just found out my peer worker of 6-7 years is quitting. If she really does im not going to group ever again probably.

Question....could you apply for that job? It might be perfect?

I cant. And i dont want to. She told me the clinic is going downhill and i kindve knew that all along.

She said ever since the clinic changed directors they have been making the peer workers pay out of their own money for anything peer related like gatherings and stuff. She said the head of behavioral health said peer workers are lazy and dont want to do their job. But the clinic doesnt want to give them a budget for anything peer related. Why would i want to be a peer worker there after that person said that?

2 or 3 peer workers have already quit, including her. And i cant tell you how many people i know have quit this clinic over the years. My nurse practitioner quit a month ago. My old psychiatrist that i was seeing before january, i overheard him speaking bad about the clinic too and how they treated patients. The turnover rate is ridiculous. Its only a mattter of time before my therapist quits. Ive been through 7-8 psychdocs.

And honestly its only a matter of time until i can get better insurance through a job and quit going there too.

I tried firing my pdoc on Monday apparently she didn’t take the hint... so injection here I come.

Im having a really bad day.

I dont even know where to begin.

My cousin thinks im calling him racist for some reason. Im done with both sides of my family. He claims hes been nothing but good to me but he called me psycho when i was dxd with schiz. He talks shyt to the rest of my fam and mom about me.

I got into an argument with my sister about her never calling and seeing me.

My boyfriend is slightly upset with me about pushing the moving thing but the truth is like how some people shave their head to start over: i move. And im desperate.

My dad wont leave me alone about my weight.

Etc more shyt

Im so done

Sorry you’re having a crap day........

My scoliosis spine hurts so bad tonight for some reason, makes it hard to sleep. Lucky I have a bowl of cheese cookies with me.

We need a new Roll Call.