Roll Call 125

Ugh I feel weird this morning. Almost rigid like I took my pills too late or took too many. I’m a little sweaty too. Just feeling bad hope it goes away soon. I don’t want to switch from Latuda I’ve been so good on it but if this happens more and more I might have to switch. Ugggh.

Morning guys. Finished working for the day. Not feeling too great today. My daughter is up so no napping. She slept something like 15 hours. Her fever is gone so that’s good.
Not doing anything today but driving my son around. He has a 1/2 day. Other than that I am chair bound.
Hope everyone has a good day.

The psychopath took my charger and I don't know if she threw it out or what. Did she put it where my "missing" phone went?

Still itching like crazy and lips still numb. I want to die. I can't stand it here.

I had a dream i tried

I ended up


Then I wake up today to get a call that I have to see a doctor next week, one from social security cause they're reviewing my case. fantastic. I have never had to see one before in the 5 years I've been on SSI.

I'll probably get kicked off ssi then be homeless and lose my cats.

Why do you have to see a doctor?

Im so sorry bluebird. Is there any reason why youd think youd lose it?

A psychiatrist, to determine whether I still need my benefits or not

Feeling better. Felt bad for like an hour and a bit. Ugh. First thing in the morning at work it sucks. Wish it would just happen while I’m sleeping or right after I take the meds. It seems that that’s when they kick in around 630am or so bleh.

Cause they probably think I'm ready to support myself fully which I'm not. I've never had a job before, I don't handle stress well. I'm just getting used to taking one class at school and was hoping on progressing to the ticket to work thing for a trial amount of time to see if I can handle a part time job. I have breakdowns when I'm under too much stress. I get excited about things then get overwhelmed withing a week or two, don't sleep and lose it and start thinking about and stuff

My regular psych doctor thinks I'm doing well but doesn't want me putting myself under that kind of stress yet

How can I even focus on school today. I'm here and have class at 2 but my mind is off in another world because of this. I want to go home lay down and cry.

I gotta make 29 dollars stretch for 15 days. The rest of the month

I’m having a ****** day. I feel like crap and I’m suffering from serious mommy fever . Ugh. Just wish I could sleep. My daughter went back to bed. I’m having anxiety.

Whats mommy fever?

Bluebird...I’m sorry you’re being reviewed but I think it will be fine....try not to worry.

Mommy guilt and they don’t need me anymore fear.

How are you? Hows your mom?

She’s feeling much better.....I’m ok had an interview yesterday so fingers crossed...

My neices came over. One is like 10 or so. The other like 4 or 5. I was dreading it cuz they used to misbehave when they were younger a lot. They still kinda do. Especially my nephew.

But one of them hurt themself and my motherly instincts kicked in to hold them.

Im not financially or really even physically ready to have kids. But i think in a lot of ways im mentally ready. Not fully but im getting there.

Ive also been having baby fever a lot with the bf around.

Wow im like really having baby fever right now.

Sorry guys, I just got scared.

Anyway, it will be okay.

Trying to eat healthy again

It will be ok....

I should have asked my doctor to switch my paxil to prozac. She told me paxil is one of the lower ones for weight gain as a side effect, having a "+1" according to her book. I thought it was one of the worst. she said the wellbutrin is an appetite suppressant so it would offset any problems with the paxil. Idk, I wonder if I would lose like 5 to 10 lbs getting off paxil. It would be worth it. every couple pounds gets me closer to my goal.

Finally got my fries yesterday btw. Yolo. Five Guys fries are the best and they give you so many.

In other news, I’ve noticed another thing how I’ve changed over the years. I’m much more extroverted than I used to be. Not that I’m really out there but I’m not nearly as shy. I’m not so concerned about how people look at me or what they think of me. The anxiety behind it all is gone. I feel freer.

And now with my mood being stable I feel even better. I’m still not way out there like I said, but less stressed about things. I don’t give a **** - but in a good way.