Roll Call 125

I took my meds last night like normal like I’m told like you do but I feel weird today kind of out there I keep sensing someone behind me and the messages in music are kind of coming through just my luck as soon as I say outside to someone that my meds are working great things start going screwy I felt odd yesterday I’m a little erratic doing stuff I probably shouldn’t be doing nothing with self harm though but sometimes I have thoughts go through my head that aren’t good and idk I just feel weird and out of sorts almost like I didn’t take my meds at all maybe they’re not working anymore what if they don’t work I’ve become immune what do I do

Finished with work and back in bed. Only slept until 4 this morning. I’m going to try to get some sleep. I feel pretty awake though.
After this week I can sleep as late as I want. Watch me still get up before the sun. Kids are so excited for summer. I don’t know what we’ll do but we’ll figure out something. My son plans to ride everyday. Don’t know what my daughters got up her sleeve.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Here too, there's a heat advisory in effect. The heat index is supposed to be around 100 degrees.

Honestly I feel like I didn’t even take my meds at all what the fuuuuuuuuck.

Groan. Here's hoping we don't melt. :/

I've only just realized I've had a dark cloud in my left eye for awhile now. I thought my glasses were just dirty but no, it's my eye. I'll have to tell them on Thursday when I go to the opthalmologist. I'm afraid it's my retina but it's possible it might be due to the cataracts. I feel off balance, scared, and tired.

It’s 84F outside and on my AC says it’s 70F

Does anyone on the abilify depot here? I was just put on 400mg monthly I believe it says on the script from 5mg of pills daily. Is that a lot?

No not literally but I was just asking is all because I didn’t want you to be disappointed I guess..

Im really...idk.

I found 2 apartments for around 600. One flat out said they have no apartments available. The other never got back to me and ive emailed them 2 days in a row.

Then the bf and i got into an argument. He said he second guessed living with me. Which he said is why the story keeps changing.

But he said cant i see that its the only thing we fight about. Besides the negativity. I agree it is. The negativity and moving.

Im just lost because together we only make a a few dollars over 2400 a month. Thats under 30k a year.

Not sure where we are gonna find a place. At all.

Sorry i just read this.

I recommend sartre if you like existentialism. Maybe nausea by sartre.

I was on 400mg Abilify every 3 weeks and 10mg pills daily.

It should be ok just watch out for akathisia.

My husband is working ot tonight . I don’t know what time he’ll be home. I hate when he’s gone. Even after almost 25 years together I still miss him.
Not going grocery shopping until tomorrow. So nothing going on tonight. If my husband gets home early enough I’ll go see my guy. If not I’ll go tomorrow.
I’m not sure if I ever fell asleep this afternoon but it felt really good to be in bed.

Ugh.

Im so lost

I wish my mom would help me

Thanks. I've been feeling sad since yesterday. I feel like all these new friends have strong egos and they know what they are doing in life. I'm just confused and need to see higher meaning in what I do. People are judgemental and don't want to understand because they are ignorant even though they have similar problems.

There's this girl that has fibromialgia and she misses work because her throat hurts or something and it gives a bad example to be able to explain myself because I don't complain. I feel like my isolation is from real problems and I'm strong minded for the horrors that I've been through.

Their music is similar to mine and it's all different to each other in the band but this new guy is way different and complains about people that complain.

We were all getting along until this guy they know more than me came back from vacation. But at the start I didn't feel like connecting with anyone anyways. Now it's just harder to care.

Even for me I find it hard to understand the symptoms of schizophrenia because I have the "It can't apply to me" addiction mentality.

not really

peep peep hello

My depression is finally over and so does my flu

Heyyyy How is it going?

I’m sorry Angelique, I hope the ophthalmologist can help you with this

At this moment I’m doubting my bipolar diagnosis. I think all my symptoms are from C-PTSD. But then comes a new problem, that I think if only I was stronger I wouldn’t have developed any trauma. So it was all my fault. My weakness and stupidity. Not saying everyone with C-PTSD is weak or stupid though, it only applies to me

I understand. I’ve come to disagree with my dx too. Whenever I am under a lot of stress I hear voices. I’ve been psychotic twice both times under tremendous stress.
If only I could be as strong as my mom.

I walked around the mall and it felt like my feet were sinking into the floor. All around the mall I felt like I was sinking. I stood on carpet and could see dents my feet sinking.

I don’t think my meds are working right today.

Plato’s Republic is a good book to start as it includes a lot of foundational perspectives of Western philosophy and is a lengthy work that actually can be used by itself in an introduction to philosophy to let people explore a variety of topics. Also Discourses by Epictetus is a good text if you are introduced in studying Stoic philosophy which is another fundamental aspect of early philosophy that has shaped thought both in religion and philosophy since then.

Being schizophrenic and having PTSD is hard. Both are hard to handle by itself let alone both at the same time... Not quite sure what cptsd is different than PTSD. Doesn't make you weak but my PTSD sure makes me feel weak.