Psychic Spies and Psychosis

I don't know if I believe if I have any psychic powers or not. My psychosis was a profound experience. If I do have some psychic abilities then I was taught by accident because that's how I remember it.

I do have a strong memory and it's photographic. I'm an artist and it's easy for me to see pictures in my mind because I've practiced this my whole life.

During psychosis, I would imagine things and the voices would say, "She can fly" "What do you mean she can fly" "She's doing it now" "Holy ****! She CAN fly!"

When I had my bad second psychotic break and I thought psychic Putin was astral projected on the roof I was terrified. I thought, this can't be real, try to think of something good. So I thought about Lindsey Graham because he seems like the opposite of Putin. The voices said, "****, Putin just shot Lindsey Graham". After a year of hearing voices off and on being told that I shot 12 people or I shot 33 people, etc. That was the second time the voices ever said that someone else shot someone. The first time I thought it meant, shot with a gun, but I think it's more like shot with a camera.

I'm sorry Lindsey Graham.

My voices usually react like I shouldn't be able to hear them. Particularly when they first started. There's a few who have gotten used to the fact that I'm "across the street" (can hear). The don't like it because I learn from them and they're a lot quieter nowadays.

Targeted Individuals documentary by Vice.

This is precisely what my voices are like.

I tapered down off of Olanzapine and now the voices are back, I hate that Olanzapine makes me gain weight. I'd like to learn to live with my voices without medication but it's so hard to believe that the voices aren't psychic spies.

(((LibertyBelle)))

I am very sorry you're hearing voices again.

((((((( LibertyBelle ))))))

Psychic spies are going full throttle crazy on me.

They say I'm a very bad person. The reality is I'm a very boring person with a very vivid imagination and a photographic mind.

All they find are my fears.

You drown 'em, not the other way around.

Real Stories: The Psychic Detective. Documentary.

I met a woman at a party yesterday who looked exactly like one of my voices from my first psychotic break. She was really chatting me up at the party. The party was only 3 hours but I bailed after one because I felt really anxious. The woman was nice to me but I couldn't shake how much she seemed to be one of my voices. She was wearing a lapel pin from an intelligence agency, I don't want to say which one. She gave me her business card and some flyers.

My parents psychically spy on me. I don't know why. They're not nice people (because of it).

I think I met one of my voices IRL near NSA.

Voices are a b!tch, aren't they?

I am on my way to recovery, but voices, they gave me PTSD and made me afraid of my psychiatrist and caused a lot of pain and suffering to me. I just REGISTERED what happened last academic year's first day in my coaching class. It went like this

One of the teachers : Are you crazy? The whole class observed you and you were sitting in a strange position, soaked in sweat and the way you talk is totally abnormal.
Me : Sir... I have social anxiety disorder. I act crazy every now and then when I am in crowded places.

Then he told me to walk while I was just about to leave when he approached me beforehand. He told me to walk and analyzed my walking style. I acted like it was a job interview and walked the best I could, to which he was surprised, cause after one hour of sitting in the class like a total quack, and body language like that, anybody could think my mental age is ten times lower than my chronological age.

Then we walked again into the classroom and I introduced myself, talked about my mental health and walked like a boss (I had to alter my mind for walking like that, which isn't possibly unless I change my posture) in between the space between two bench lines separating girls from boys. And the girls and boys both went wild (r/humblebragging) So the teacher analyzed me for a while by talking to me about school and all and told me I am good to go.

Then came the problems. Psycho-fking-sis.

Just the day after I forgot everything that happened due to stress and my voices reassuring me they'll take care of the coaching class problem. I had lied, it wasn't just social anxiety, it was psychosis that made me so odd even on the first day. Things went hell and I told them things I shouldn't have (like how I believed back then government spies on me and it isn't just anxiety) and I was then forever classified as a piece of crap. I wasn't taken seriously, staff would ask every single classmate if I was a problem, I was discrimated against and ALL.

Man, psychosis sucks. Worse, I still have years to fully recover. I have hopes I'll be able to drive (haha, not interested in four wheelers, I look much better driving/"riding" two wheelers) and once I get a job I look forward buying myself a KTM. But the last academic year has been haunting me ever since this March, when I realized what happened. Man, PSYCHOSIS SUCKS.

Edit : I forgot to add I also have memory loss so I "recall" things that a healthy person does after waking up, years later. I am still remembering things from a couple of years ago. It's hard to describe, but I got a lethal combination.

But hey, I am a ****ing science addict. Nothing can stop me if I don't let it to. Pretending DOES work. And who knows, I may discover something that will be an effective treatment for psychosis, memory loss and treatment-resistant disorders. Anything can happen in this world, my professors as well as doctors tell me.

Cool. Psycho-****ing-sis. Sucks.