Roll Call 127

I feel somewhat upset the bf just plays games when hes home.

Idk I feel like I’m going to be bored the next few days. My days aren’t full just some stuff here and there. I like to keep busy. But I don’t know what to do.

My sister does the same. Either in her room writing or playing video games. Some days I hardly see her.

Good evening everyone. How are things going today?

I'm struggling still. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me right now. I see the pdoc in the morning for my driver's license medical statement if I am under the right assumption. I hope it goes okay. My sick leave til year's end is approved. The statement said I have sick leave till Feb 29th, 2019. After that it is said I may be eligible for disability. I will be giving it everything I got before that. After the music stuff I will try to make it through university or language school. If I can't deal with a workload after that I may have to consider alternative options. But I will give this a hell of a strong fight before that happens.

What's everyone up to?

I couldnt do that. That seems so isolating.

Im literally so fcking sick of being isolated.

Its making me sick in so many ways. Im sick everyday and sad.

Tell me about it. I’m not a huge social person but I prefer to be around some people doing something instead of alone doing nothing. I used to be alone a lot but I’m not into that anymore.

That’s exactly how i feel. To the T.

I was alone for the 4 years i was psychotic. And another 3 or 4 years after that. I was so desperate for a boyfriend that i got with the ex. I hate being alone now. I prefer to be around people now. Im not sure if im becoming extroverted or if im just so sick of being isolated that i need company badly.

I think my number one mistake was (and i hate to say this but) listening to my dad when he told me not to get a job the past 2 years. He didnt want me to move or get a job. And now im scrambling to do both.

I feel like hes played a part in keeping me isolated. Whether he knows it or not. He told me i can go out and do whatever i want. But with what money? And with who? Considering im on a fixed income and everyone in this world is working everyday.

I told myself once i got with the bf that i cant do this anymore. I HAVE to do something with my life. I cant just sit here and do school all day and expect to get a high paying job after.

That's interesting because sensory deprivation tanks cause psychedelic like higher states of consciousness.

Someone with schiz genetics and not triggered yet, a float tank could do it..

A float tank causes complete sensory deprivation and since everyone is already hallucinating with reality, shutting off reality (Dark, no sound, no feeling because of floating) will make you become just your thoughts. It lowers the threshold of what we are blocking out in reality so the brain hallucinates to make up for the lack of stimulation. This causes ego death like with high dose psychedelics, causing brief psychosis.

Meditation is different or the opposite maybe because instead of depriving stimulation in reality like in a float tank, meditation is a practice to learn how to BLOCK the stimulation of reality.

They are opposite but float tanks cause a complete full on meditation like cheating.

Oh I don’t think I could do that. Not for me.

So glad its med time

Finally

Took my meds

I am having some intense eyes staring at me hallucinations right now. I am over tired, in pain and incredibly antsy. Unsure what to make of this disaster of life.

Good morning. Ugh got up at 4:45. I slept terrible hopefully I feel more awake for work.
Nothing going on today. I’m so bored everyday.
I quit smoking weed for the foreseeable future. I need the money for vacation.
Hope everyone has a good day.

I have a resting stoner face o.o

The emotionless schizo face

Morning

Having coffee

Think im gonna take my morning med right now instead of later. I missed it yesterday morning and took it at 3pm. I was depressed all day yesterday. It wasnt like a horrible, suicidal depression. It was just like the beginning of a depression where i felt everything was just weighing on me.

I’m a stoner with a resting ***** face.
Even my husband who’s known me 25 years is always asking me what’s wrong. Drives me bat **** crazy.

I cant see PC emojis on here but i see phone emojis.

Lol my teachers in high school always thought I was high. I never tried weed until I was 24 years old.

😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐
The emotionless schizo face

Lol hehe yep!!!