Roll Call 139

Fell asleep for awhile

Sassy is 13

Esther is 13. Emma is 10. Amelia is 5 months. (My pets)

Ugh I wanna sleep so good.

I’ve had wine. Being drinking since like before 4 and it’s 530 now. My typing is terrible thank you autocorrect.

Ate breaded pork with asparagus and poutine. Should soak up some wine.

I’ll take my meds later don’t wanna be all weird when I’m planning to go out and see Christmas lights downtown.

Take pics!

So cold outside, very cold

penelope - 8
milo - 8
blue - 5

oh and the cat

pookie - 2 years old

I should go to business school..

See? I'm all over the place. I have no idea what I should do

Tweaky- maybe you should focus on small goals before trying to come up with a big goal.

Maybe go to the local community college and take your prerequisites, and experiment with other classes until something crystalizes. That's what I did.

Street lights and stuff...

City hall tree. Little blurry because we couldn’t stop.

I was looking at investing in CBD and I looked up where I got my CBD from and it says "Isodiol International Inc." based in Vancouver, Canada.

I went to their website and there's these bottles of 25,000mg CBD in 1L bottle so 25mg/ml. I just wonder how expensive the bottle is..

"Thank you for your interest in our bulk and raw ingredients! Isodiol brands deliver the powerful benefits of CBD in bulk formulations with consistent quality and exceptional customer service – perfect for a variety of unique products.

Our team will be in touch with you as soon as possible to answer any questions you may have and to help understand your needs better.

We look forward to connecting with you!

-The Isodiol Team".

Their stocks are way down. I bet this would be the best time to buy =P

SP, Cool science blog post! The reason I drink alcohol when I write is so that it can spark my intuitive side that is highly emotional. When I was in my psychosis, it's like emotions make reasons my brain's slave and my right side of the brain was continually searching for global (bottom down) patterns. So, when I was watching the matrix, writing poetry, reading books, I was able to get the metaphors very easily because my peak emotions would intuit big picture metaphors. I drink alcohol while I write now to try and catch a glimpse of what I use to be capable of.

I was talking with a friend of mine and he was telling me a story he heard on NPR I think. It was of a man with a brain tumor if I recall correctly. He was very artistic and loved to sing. He didn't want to lose his artistic powers so the neuroscientists let him sing while they numbed parts of his brain to see what they could cut out without hampering his artistic powers. When they got as much of the tumor as possible while he was able to sing still, they then sliced it out and patched him up and that was that... or so it seems. Well anyway, when he got home, and after he healed, he started to look at porn obsessively and found himself at the bottom of the internet and got into some dark stuff and it gets bad.

So it messed with his sexuality because he became hypersexual. Also, they did studies on resus monkeys and hen they cut out a certain part they would start uncontrollably masturbating It was crazy. So i'm guessing this is what happened with they guy.

Stephen Fry is bipolar. I know he's not an artist, but I think a lot of people with bipolar are very artistic. I forgot the names of those people though when I was in my abnormal psychology. You mentioned dopamine and I think that is the leading cause. You know that song where one of the lines are, "You can be addicted to a certain type of sadness." It features Kimbra, a female. That sadness I always carried around in me from when I was a young kid, then amplified when I broke up with my girlfriend of 9 years, that emotion was a major driving force for a lot of my motivation. I would purposely listen to sad songs to feel something as deeply as I could. It's an interesting thought to me that people can like sadness like I do. The sadness was a bit on the higher end of mild though. It wasn't too bad until SZ hit me.

Drawing and coloring that helped my anxiety

I wish I could tap into my bipolar energy at will. I would clean my room. It’s kind of a mess. Not too bad but it could use tidying.

I feel this weird energy sometimes that I know is dangerous. Mostly when I listen to music it wants to send me messages making me think I’m all powerful.

At least I’m not obsessing as much about celebrities lol.

I keep forgetting my new laptop is touchscreen

Making these right now

Loaded M&M Oreo Cookie Bars - Averie Cooks

I like 2 be sad

But not too sad

I kind of miss my depression. I had reasons to be depressed. Now I have no reason so my mood is lifted.

Idk if anyone would understand..

I feel like I don't know what to do. I can't sleep because it's too early but I don't want to be awake. I'm stuck in some sort of panic.

Update, they turned out fantastic! I'll be putting a portion aside to give to my sister

Guess I'll go read or play games, seems everyone's sleeping

Good morning