Roll Call 139

maybe start w new pillow. I noticed my pillows affect my back

Fell back to sleep. Totaling 13 hours

Gonna get a goodwill application today, I know they have a program for people on disability

They do???? What is it?

What's everyone doing? I'm eating lunch on my break from work. It's a boring lunch but I didn't want to go out to get something else to eat. Kit.

My mood is... idk kind of low? I'm not upset about anything I just feel like I don't have energy that I usually have. I've been sleeping a lot. The not leaving the house has gotten pretty bad.. I see my therapist tomorrow

I’m just hanging around. Fretting.
My son is sleeping out tonight. For the first time in a year and a half. Last time he slept out the cops were calling at 1 AM. He’s matured a lot so I’m hopeful. Being a mom is scary

We are having steak, corn, baked potatoes and of course pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. What is on your menu? Kit.

That sounds great! I haven't had steak in so long, it's the best

I'm making a turkey with roasted potatoes, carrots and onions in the pan with it, mashed potatoes with gravy, stuffing, corn, Brussels sprouts, cranberry sauce. Vanilla pudding and a cup of hot chocolate for dessert

Sounds good!

Job training

Happy afternoon..

Drinking a coffee with my stimulant

I feel on the verge of crying .....but I don't know why

Before I was admitted to the big psych ward for the first time, I was crying a lot for no reason.. I think I even called my psychiatrists office while crying saying I needed to up the abilify.. was too late..

I want to try to fix it but don't know how

I just feel like laying in bed all day staring at the wall, which is pretty much what I've been doing.

I feel... physically down. But I have nothing to be sad about. This isn't normal for me. Especially during the holidays. It's almost opposite of how I normally am this time of year. Generally around the holidays I get so excited and happy that I'm hyper and practically manic. Now, I'm happy in the sense that, logically I know and think holidays are great, I've always loved them and I know I still do. but I don't feel anything

(((Blue Bird)))

Have you had less exposure to sunlight or changing vitamin D levels? Those can have an effect. It's weird cause a couple years ago I was extremely deflated due to the weather and low sun. But this year is better even though there are other difficulties.

Thanks Slumber Kitty and FR

I haven't been going outside much and there's not a lot of sunlight due to the season. It's grey and rainy most days.

I feel intense anxiety over leaving the house, idk why. I have tendencies to be that way sometimes and another reason is because lately when I'm out I hear people surrounding me and think I'm in a crowd then turn around and nobody is there. It disorients me and makes me paranoid. I probably look like a freak too especially they other day looking around everywhere thinking there were people behind me.

I feel like I'm dead. Like I'm just here physically. I haven't been depressed in a year and a half.

That makes sense it sounds, low sun cause of clouds, rain, and lack of being out :/ I'd suggest a sun lamp but I'd talk to a pdoc first about it, as I hear it can cause or precipitate mania in people prone to it.


Sometimes depression whether it be physical or psychological can make no sense and that its hard to explain. You're gonna get through this, we believe in you.

Thanks FR, I appreciate it

I just forced myself to take a shower and while I was doing that I was actually wondering if I should look into getting a sun lamp then I got on and saw your post

That's great! I know confronting things and getting busy, going out and such can all be really hard things. So these things to me seem like really big victories however small they seem.

Cool, yeah I would definitely talk to your pdoc about it or such to see what to do about a sun lamp.

There was a conflict today in group and I'm entirely anxious over it. Panic attack

Got prescribed klonopin and my geodon is upped

Didn't feel like going to the gym today. I'm going to as my mom to drive me so I know where it is..

Actually I'll ask my sister to drive me..

We’re having butternut squash soup, bacon wrapped turkey (I don’t eat it), homemade stuffing and gravy, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, broccoli casserole, assorted breads, roasted Brussels sprouts, Oreo cookie desert, and pumpkin pie.
I think that’s everything. Sucks because I pretty much do everything by myself except the turkey.