Roll Call 147

Blue_Bird · May 14, 2019 at 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I'm kind of struggling today. Don't know if it is my depressed brain leaking out depressed thoughts or what. I was having some visual hallucinations this morning but they seem to have stopped for now. I'm just at work, but I don't have much to do at the moment, so I'm just checking out what is going on here on PC. HUGS Kit

I hope you feel better Kit

Blue_Bird · May 14, 2019 at 03:36 PM

It's dead here today......

Desoxyn · May 14, 2019 at 03:53 PM

People always comment that I'm very articulate. But I don't feel articulate - Especially in real life. I just see a mess of a reality and have messy thoughts. If I could somehow organize my thoughts, I'd be better.. More meditation.. idk..

I threw away all of my drugs but bought some kratom so I'll drink some of that every so often.

I met someone on the trip chat and he has schizophrenia and is really struggling. Has no family or friends just pets and a girlfriend. He had schizophrenia at 13 and started drugs at 15 and now he can't stop. I'm on the other side and trying to be sober.

There's many people on that website that take drugs and have schizophrenia. It's either you take drugs and then get schizophrenia, or you do drugs because of schizophrenia to cope. Like chicken or egg thing.

ofthevalley · May 14, 2019 at 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

It's dead here today......

Tapatalk isn’t working so we can’t get on.
At least for me and a couple other people.

Blue_Bird · May 14, 2019 at 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ofthevalley

Tapatalk isn’t working so we can’t get on.
At least for me and a couple other people.

Oh okay, I deleted tapatalk awhile ago cause I was getting so many notifications and it was taking up too much memory on my phone that barely has any memory to begin with lol so I use my laptop now.

falcon09 · May 14, 2019 at 10:03 PM

The posting isn't working for me for some reason

Edit: of course this time it works lol.

Lithium is working for me, but im not sleeping well. Saphris doesn't make me sleepy, just gives me a headache and makes my mouth numb.

ofthevalley · May 15, 2019 at 05:47 AM

Trying again this morning.
Seems to be working with Safari.
Ugh I’m not having a good day. A good mommy friend of mine is losing her daughter. She entered hospice Monday and has since deteriorated pretty quickly.
They were going to do Christmas in June for her but they god dammit they don’t think she’ll make it that long. So they’ve moved it up to next week.
I haven’t had it in me to reach out to mom despite her having been one of my best friends. Everything feels so shallow and empty. Then I was absent for so long. Just feels inadequate to reach out now.
So I ordered a dozen custom Halloween and Christmas cards to send to her. I’m having them all done up in unicorns...Ila’s favorite ❤️
God I’m so ****ing sad for them. Life is ****.

Blue_Bird · May 15, 2019 at 07:40 AM

Good morning

ofthevalley · May 15, 2019 at 08:07 AM

Not feeling work again.
I’m actually like mid-anxiety attack right now. I’ve popped a couple Ativan but nothing.
I think I’m going to put off work for a couple hours and do some self-care. I’ve been very stressed and overwhelmed with pretty much everything lately. It just feels like no matter how hard I try I cannot get ahead. There is always something or more often than not someone there to pull me back down.
Anyway...hoping some breakfast, Netflix, and my couch for the next 2 hours will help.

newtus · May 15, 2019 at 08:26 AM

Morning

Another night of crying myself to sleep

Blue_Bird · May 15, 2019 at 09:12 AM

Went to the library and got some stuff. Manga, anime DVD, Celtic mythology book, and We're all Mad Here: The No-Nonsense Guide to Living with Social Anxiety

newtus · May 15, 2019 at 10:43 AM

I'm so beyond depressed...

My dads been drinking today I think so he's not able to talk. Literally. I called him and he's not making any sense.

And part of me just doesnt want to be here in this apt. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep.

I haven't brushed my hair in 2 weeks and I haven't showered in a week. Fiance is upset about that but I'm depressed because of him. Because he doesnt talk to me, doesnt hold, and doesnt give any physical attention to me. I'm depressed because I'm being deprived of human interaction. And he's been telling me what to do with my money. Kinda. He says I should pay certain Bill's with it instead of what I would like. I just do it.

And my mom never wants to really see me. But she will travel across the country multiple times a month, every month. She cant be bothered to drive an hour here but will drive 10 hours to see my sis on the other side of the state.

I knew this would happen. Everything was at a high, now it can only go down and I'm so worried.

newtus · May 15, 2019 at 11:19 AM

I was gonna spend the night at my dads but seeing as he is probably drinking, I don't want to anymore. I feel like I'm abandoning my dad. It makes me so sad.

falcon09 · May 15, 2019 at 11:20 AM

my internet is down, blah. Want to watch netflix

SlumberKitty · May 15, 2019 at 11:29 AM

Glad PC seems to be working today but I had to go through a different browser. Couldn't post yesterday afternoon. I have another migraine. Sucks. I think I'm stressed. That's not helping. I'm so close to giving in and just SH-ing, but I'm really trying not to. See T on Saturday. Maybe that will help. HUGS Kit

newtus · May 15, 2019 at 11:53 AM

I just admitted to my old pss that I had a relapse with alcohol.

falcon09 · May 15, 2019 at 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I just admitted to my old pss that I had a relapse with alcohol.

What was their reaction?

SlumberKitty · May 15, 2019 at 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I just admitted to my old pss that I had a relapse with alcohol.

That's very brave of you!

Kit

Desoxyn · May 15, 2019 at 12:25 PM

I'll have to talk to my therapist today about relapsing on everything and then flushing them down the toilet. At least I did that.. something right..

newtus · May 15, 2019 at 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

What was their reaction?

She just told me to start over. And gave me advice with the relationship. Saying it'll never be easy but I need to work on myself. She basically said that.

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Roll Call 147

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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,762 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.4k hugs given	May 14, 2019 at 03:36 PM #882 It's dead here today...... __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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falcon09 Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,018 9 1,867 hugs given	May 14, 2019 at 10:03 PM #886 The posting isn't working for me for some reason Edit: of course this time it works lol. Lithium is working for me, but im not sleeping well. Saphris doesn't make me sleepy, just gives me a headache and makes my mouth numb.
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,762 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.4k hugs given	May 15, 2019 at 07:40 AM #888 Good morning __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	May 15, 2019 at 08:26 AM #890 Morning Another night of crying myself to sleep __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	May 15, 2019 at 11:19 AM #893 I was gonna spend the night at my dads but seeing as he is probably drinking, I don't want to anymore. I feel like I'm abandoning my dad. It makes me so sad. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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falcon09 Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,018 9 1,867 hugs given	May 15, 2019 at 11:20 AM #894 my internet is down, blah. Want to watch netflix
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	May 15, 2019 at 11:29 AM #895 Glad PC seems to be working today but I had to go through a different browser. Couldn't post yesterday afternoon. I have another migraine. Sucks. I think I'm stressed. That's not helping. I'm so close to giving in and just SH-ing, but I'm really trying not to. See T on Saturday. Maybe that will help. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	May 15, 2019 at 11:53 AM #896 I just admitted to my old pss that I had a relapse with alcohol. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,996 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,917 hugs given	May 15, 2019 at 12:25 PM #899 I'll have to talk to my therapist today about relapsing on everything and then flushing them down the toilet. At least I did that.. something right..
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