Roll Call 153

I'm obsessed with planners

My brain feels very slow today

Me too! ......

"In 2018, a team of researchers conducted a groundbreaking study to investigate the differences between the brains of people who struggle with procrastination and those who don’t.

To do this, the researchers recruited 264 participants to complete specific tasks and afterward conducted fMRI brain scans on each person.

The results were astonishing.

The researchers discovered a higher volume of the amygdala—an almond-shape set of neurons that process our emotions—in the brains of the participants who procrastinated than those who were more action orientated. [1]

Moreover, they discovered that the procrastinators had weaker connections between the amygdala and dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (dACC)—another region of the brain responsible for self-control and emotional regulation."

Hey gorgeous

Another card for my mom....she’s actually feeling pretty good today so yay!

I'm glad to hear your mom is doing ok. Did those CBD gummies help any?

Thanks Erti, I’m not sure if she remembered to take them actually? I should remind her.

Nope she totally forgot about them....how have you been?

My care manager is going to go to my college with me soon to get things worked out so so can start classes again for the upcoming spring semester. Over halfway done with my associates so I'll finish that up, transfer and work on my bachelors degree.

Find Your Anchor

Have you heard of these anchor boxes they are free for people who are sui.......supposed to help, maybe you should order one?

I’m starting spring too, yay spring! I seriously almost ordered a sweatshirt from the school yesterday.

That's great! You should! I have a couple sweatshirts from my college

Thanks Sometimes psychotic, I did. I had never heard of them before. You always know the coolest stuff. I've been struggling for a while, but I'm really trying to hang in there. I recently opened up to my pastor about my struggles and another person at Church. I'm trying to be more open IRL like I can be online. I'm very grateful for PC because I get a lot of support here, but I also need people IRL to know what is going on with me.

Sometimes psychotic, this is beautiful! You are an amazing artist.

I’m really glad your ordered one, i hope it helps 😀

Thanks!......

After the whole snapcat ordeal I ended up i the hospital for the 4th time. Again was a waste... <_< they didn't want to address the whole anxiety I was having and decided to change my meds from saphris to abilify pill until I got out of the hospital and did the injections. I ended up getting the first shot and was suppose to take it before the 2 week was over. My case manager said she'd take me to the clinic that day. Well after 2 weeks and me calling her and leaving voice mails she didn't come to the house to pick me up and take me there to get the injection. So I was running out of pills and it took like a week of not being on an antipsychotic to being able to get in and get the one shot again and the other shot. I told my case manager boss I wanted a new one after all these "miscommunications" she has had with me. THey wouldn't give me another case manager because their turn over rate is high and can't get "enough" case managers. Total ********. I've been complaining to them about her since I got her. I want her *** fired.

so I didn't end up in a group home BUT I did move out to my best friends brothers place. I'm around more people and although my anxiety hasn't gone away as far as eating goes (I've been eating way less because of anxiety but I'm pretty sure switching meds played a big part of it and lost a few pounds since then). Still hearing demons and spirits telling me to cut myself and give them my blood. At one point was telling me to kill myself and others. I'm still struggling. I still haven't had a new counselor but I want to take a break with the counseling right now.I just don't have reliable resources to do so.

So being at my best friends brothers place i found out the guy I talked to about a year ago and had sex with and thought we where "together" was calling me a psycho and making fun of my mental illness and according to my best friends uncle (who I'm also fighting with) said I looked like a man (and the fat bastard said he wasn't wrong lmao **** you too boy). I ended up in my bff's family drama because I prank called them and made a fake facebook account and just to screw with him and as a way to get back at him for screwing over my friend by having her take out a loan for them and take out over 600 dollars that she has to pay back and claim they will "pay her back". She has two boys and a boyfriend who isn't working right now and is in a job slightly over minimum wage. So I gave her 180 dollars, said she can keep the 50 she owes me, and offered to donate plasma for her (before knowing that a schizophrenic dx disqualifies you from donating) and give her the money I got there. My bff's uncle said it was "none of my business" like hell it isn't. I'm giving her money (I told her she didn't have to pay me back) to help with the bills stuff so she can get caught up and it not ruin her credit. boy was I pissed.

Yeah I wondered if you went to hospital...sorry to hear you’re still struggling...

Yeah but I'm more vocal about it here than I was at both my moms and at my dads so we'll see what happens.

My living situation is really toxic right now. Instead of renewing the lease, I think I'm just going to look around for a place to stay, maybe somewhere closer to work. I hate moving, but I think it's the best decision for me. sigh...

I had a nice day hanging out with my little brother, but I'm alone now and im slipping a bit

I hate myself when I'm not doing well. Like I'm not good enough to be a real person.

I don't see how you're not good enough to be a real person... you've never done anything like rape and murder someone (which in my book is unforgivable). You've may of made some poor choices but to be quite frank compared to others who've been into drugs, you've not done something severely stupid (severely being the keyword) where it became unforgivable.

Thanks Erti <3 I wrote a better version of this that explains some things but I still have a LOT of explaining about myself to do.

"It’s like I have a logical side that everyone likes where they’re able to converse with me and sees me as intelligent and calm. Then I have another side to me that is playful and illogical and that’s how I talk to crazy people. I’m very good at talking to people with weed psychosis but regular people hate that creative side of me and call me stupid and I find myself, looking from the eyes of others - that I know I’m being annoying. So I hate myself when I’m being myself because it doesn’t “fit in” like I’m not good enough to be a real person. But that’s the part of me that doesn’t like to talk about food, where certain places are and basic meaningless conversation - Just being a government brainwashed corporate product consumer."

I was gonna post it on Facebook but I'll post it here instead (Sorry for using the word "Crazy".. It just means something influenced by how my dad talks to me about my illness)..