Roll Call 160!

Just took one of my klonopin, maybe that will help

I need to go grocery shopping but there's a big winter storm going on right now, there's like inches of slush/ice on the ground and tons of snow falling, looked like a blizzard when I looked out the window. I'll have to go tomorrow I guess

Had a lovely and interesting conversation with a newly made friend. Well been friends for 4 months maybe?

I was hearing voices earlier too @Blue_Bird but they have pretty much stopped. I had some visuals too. I'm feeling depressed. Pastor T would say to call a friend. Yeah. Maybe. I feel like I did before I was in IP. I see regular T tomorrow, but then again, I saw her the day I went to the ER last time. I gotta get myself together.....

Making a cauliflower potato curry will maybe walk up to the store for some chicken tomorrow though.....got pick up meds anyway.

Invega Sustenna 150mg every 28 days
Olanzepine 5mg for sleep or psychosis PRN
Vyvanse 50mg in morning
Atenolol 50mg every 12 hours

Vitamin D
Fish oil

Phenibut 900mg
Xanax 0.5mg for sleep
Marijuana at night

And shroom??? No ok no shroom...

Gonna have a cold shower and then the strong coffee with kick in and mix with dextroamphetamine

I had low tolerance for pain yesterday and couldn't do it - Felt weak, shaking.. (When I get my injection I feel the needle so much more but when I have a high tolerance for pain, I can take cold showers and don't feel the needle)..

Oh no, are you feeling better? I wish I could help.

That's incredible. All we had here was a very windy day.

Yeah I am, thanks I think I just had wayy too much coffee

It's super windy here too

I’m so bored because I got stuck inside most of the day due to the storm and I don’t have all my stuff here yet (so I can’t draw, for example) Tomorrow will be busier, stopping at the library, my old place, going grocery shopping, and cleaning.

I might get some cheesecake tomorrow

My sister might be coming over for coffee Sunday so we can have some of it then

Not a banana split?

No it’s too cold for that right now honestly

Looks like Walmart and target have a Cheesecake Factory sampler for V day......

That sounds delicious! Usually when I get it it's to spicy for me, but runny nose or not, I still love it.

I should be getting my short story back pretty soon. I've been thinking about it non stop, and I think I know just what to do to build my female character. I hope my editor finishes it soon. No one will see the ending coming, not from a mile away. I was even surprised when it him me. I really love writing dialogue, I just never know where it will take me.

Does anyone else here have constant paranoia even on meds? I still resort to accepting my life is cursed so I can own it and accept when I see strangers gossiping about me, or rather, even my own professors. I did a movie review and, I'm that guy I feel. I'm the joker. This illness turned me into him.

My paranoia comes and goes. I'm pretty stable on the meds I take but I still have bad days. The past few days I started worrying again about meds poisoning me and cameras being in my apartment watching me. I try to just reality check, I mean, if my meds were poisoning me I'd have been dead a long time ago, and even if there were cameras watching me, oh well, I'm not that interesting lol

My fall was quite the whopper, and people have caught on, and truth willed out. My story is just too unbelievable and beyond crazy, and makes me look like satan.

On the plus side, it gives me grist to write with.

I need to somehow find a way to live far away from here. That's what I really need more than anything else. It would be so nice to start again with a blank slate, but my credit score tanked and what about a job? I'm getting by now on the skin of my teeth.

How did you guys get disability? Maybe I can do that and find a part time job, far far away from here. I haven't paid much in taxes though, so how could I get that to work?

There’s two types ssdi and ssi, one requires you to be poor, the other requires that you paid in enough.....its very little to live on though....but generally you can’t get it if you’re capable of working....

Also, I am showing signs of cognitive decline now, my memory is terrible, it has improved but it's not where it was. Also, my anxiety every morning is so bad that I can't sit down, I have to pace around the group table while I make everyone feel awkward.

I hate my life. What I go through to keep on working is torture. I just dont see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe I could get back on another ssri for my anxiety but then I'd be more of an asshole. It's tough to work when the only thing I feel are negative emotions.