Roll Call 170

Oh, man, cog, I just cannot ever drink. It makes my MI symptoms soooooooo much worse. Zillion times worse. I hope your evening is okay.

Hugs!!

I know. I know.

Well, just had a lovely chat wiht an old hospital roommate. He has schizophrenia. When he was 19, he became super psychotic and believed he was on the wrong earth, the wrong planet, and that all the people here were phony copies of the true, actual, real people on the other, distant, correct planet. One of those people was his mom. He became convinced she was an impostor sent to harrass him, so he shot and killed her. Tragic.

He has done well with treatment but his schz is still quite challenging for him. He was living in a nice group home last winter when he received commands to leave. He made it to LA before they found him and returned him to the state hospital, where he is improving. He is just a lovely, sweet person who does not have a violent bone in his body. Has a bad illness, though. Really good to chat with him.

Albert is manic right now. Wowzer.

I was gonna stay up all night but changed my mind, I’m gonna sleep. Sleep is healing and restorative

Excellent call, Blue. Sleep is crucial for you right now. Peaceful rest.

Yea i did! That’s what I got! It’s amazing! Let’s you write down your yearly, monthly, and weekly goals. Has like 50 different things you can write in and it asks you questions etc. I went through maybe 7 planners til I realized the legend planner was THE planner I wanted for sure! Get it!!!

It must be Cyclist Hospital night. Just put on a movie about someone who ends up in a psych hospital after committing a crime. After the initial scene, where do they end up but... the Oregon State Hospital!!! The old Kirkbride building is from the 1880s and it has been remodeled totally. it is quite beautiful, some nice pics of it. Spent a looooooong time there. Anyhow, I cannot escape, or something...

I feel really uncomfortable where I live.

I need to move to a better place with more room. Like I need a whole new house. Is that normal?

Morning

Drinking coffee

Read a few studies last night about how a lot of schizophrenics drink over 500mg of caffeine a day, which is a health risk.

Turned in my exam....hopefully it’s decent.....just relaxing a couple hours before the interview.....

Morning having coffee

Been up most of the night.

But I was worried cuz my dad had his first ever “sleepover” at his age. Whatever that entailed . This lady kept going in and out of his house. I guess to smoke cigs but she was literally in and out every hour or 30 min throughout the night. And her kids dropped her off there. My dad said he doesn’t know when they are picking her up. Omg so weird. I was worried cuz I don’t think she was closing the front door when she was going in and out in the middle of the night. I texted his neighbor and asked her to keep an eye on his place. At one point she was smoking cigs out under the carport near my dads gas cans. Looked like she was picking stuff up. Idfk but it was really weird. So glad I got my dad that Ring cam.

Have you skipped any doses of AP?

Nope I’ve been taking all my meds

I’m stating to get hungry but don’t want to eat anything in case I puke or something......sometimes I get so nervous with this stuff.

Given how cooped up we all feel? Totally!!!!!!!!!!

That's good. It helps to establish an easy routine, like sleep at night and don't stay up all night. And eat at the same times everyday.

Really? I thought coffee was good for us or something. Antioxodants?

My province has been low on cases this whole time and has had five days in a row without cases. If this keeps up I may consider going back to the gym next month. I’m excited I miss the gym.

Best of luck on both, Sometimes!! I am sure you did and will do awesomely!!!!!!!!

Newtus, there really just is nothing like families, is there...

Omg I'm so proud of myself. I talked to the property manager about getting an emotional support animal, cause there's a certain form I needed for my doctor to fill out (which she agreed to fill out) anyway, she said she'll leave the form down at the front desk later for me to pick up. I was so nervous for some reason I was almost shaking. But I did it!!!

What do u mean

Our COVID stats.

That's great Cogladaid, we've been low here in upstate NY too. But they don't plan on reopening gyms for the foreseeable future which sucks cause I'd love to get a membership and start working out again. But at least I can walk a lot now that I have my water bottle so I don't get dehydrated

Could not sleep, so, took an Ambien at 0230. Lost my mind and started having long convo with the family of three I believed I was entertaining in my apt. At some point, I figured out there was no family of three in my apt. Just me and Albert. Went to bed. Ambien.

Gonna try to edit today. Feel pretty fair, not too bad on the depression front so far, so, maybe I can work for a bit.

Managed to vacuum, brush teeth, clean kitchen and bathroom, so, that is a good sign. Place looks much better.

I have been reconnecting with my 12 year-old by writing her a Cyclist Family Heritage History, from her great grandparents to today. She is the baby of all the babies in the whole family, so, she does not know really any of this stuff. Her mom says she is really enjoying it, which makes me so happy. She and I were apart for 5 years when I was in the hospital. Very painful for her and me.

In the last installment, I told her about my depression and addiction to Ultram, tramadol. Horrific drug. So dangerous. Super potent antidepressant, very much like Ketamine. Please do not start taking tramadol for your depression, you will never be able to stop...

My ex said my daughter appreciates how candid and "raw" I have been in these little writings for her. That made me feel good. Certianly not trying to make myself look good, that is for sure. I am who I am.

Hope everyone is okay. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!