Roll Call 176

Yes. I keep hoping there won't be an afterlife so I don't have to carry all my awful memories on. Nothing would matter. That gives me more hope these days. But there probably is an afterlife.

There's a giant moth hovering and dive bombing me. Time to turn my light out.

I feel kind of insulted that psychiatrists think I don't know what is real without antipsychotics..

It really is. But when you find that right combo and stay on it for awhile, like 3 months at least, you’ll never wanna go back off. I say never but I mean you’ll realize it’s not worth it to.

Playing WoW

Yeah I'm gonna tell my doctor on Wednesday to add 10mg Dexedrine IR and then I'll try to stay on the same meds for 6 months to a year.

Because if I move somewhere new and see a new doctor, he/she's gonna change my meds.

I need my doctor to write a note or something to justify these meds because I'm a special case.

My mom is on the phone with my dad, crying - Cuz she hasn't had a vacation in 2 years. She's realllly burnt out.

Her COVID test came back negative so she just has the flu.

I'm still up. Can't wait for my vape! I hope I don't sleep through it.

I don't think I got my evening meds today. I don't remember receiving them or taking them. I have a ton of anxiety and I don't know what from.

Less than 8 hours till vape.

I'm watching TCM. They have some great movies tonight! Whoever the program director is, they're doing a great job this month! I love anthology movies.

You put a trigger warning on your pic des but it’s on the front page as you can see from my photo.

That is AWESOME!!!!

You are very handsome, Liam.

Five hours. Since I feel so restless and anxious I guess I'll just stay up. I need a benzo. I'll finish my coffee from last night. I think the way I'm feeling is due to missing meds. It happens pretty frequently here. I keep finding my Synthroid in my bed too.

I want to go home. I'm hungry too. I should eat one of my saved up snacks.

I sometimes just have this kind of stubborn insomnia. Usually it's on Tuesday nights. Time is passing pretty fast though.

Less than 3 hours! There's nothing to do without my headphones on so I will see if they'll work for 2 hours.

Usually, when I miss meds I cannot sleep at all. So that is another reason for me to take them. Don't know if it's similar for you...

Yes. Pretty sure I didn't get them last night and that's why I feel so crappy. I never skipped them while I was still in my apartment, but it happens here.

I had to vape the tank full of old juice before the fruity menthol, so most of the break I just had a mediocre vape. But when I did fill it up with my new juice, it was incredibly good! Now I'm going to obsess over the afternoon vape. I can't wait!

And they did flip the two groups. Everyone who was in group one got switched to group two, and the group 2s got flipped to group one. I guess they're trying to be fair but I was in group 2 for three years and now I'm back again. It will be easier to cope with the time difference if they stop flipping us. The person who is involved in the vape breaks is more ambitious than anyone else. I don't care. All I want is my vape. I will put up with anything.

Tired today, and sort of restless/anxious.

Does anyone else feel like things from the past are catching up with them so they don't feel like making mistakes currently - But instead say "**** it" and just keep burning the bridges as you're crossing them. I'm like that. Lol. This especially happens with social media.

I can't quite get comfortable today temperature wise. It's a bit cold without the space heater on but with the space heater on I get a bit too warm. What I need is a blanket but since I am at work, that isn't going to work. Lol. It's basically my feet that are cold. I need better shoes.

I have no idea what to ask my parents to get me for Christmas this year.

I'm bored.

I find that sometimes boredom is good. The reason I say that is because becoming comfortable with being bored, for me at least, is a good skill to have.

It probably seems like there's nothing to do. But I feel like to some extent, being bored is just a synonym for being anxious about having nothing to do.

Perhaps this is just my philosophical perspective, but I find that remembering that sometimes humans have nothing to do has helped me when I'm bored.

Anyway, feel free to take this into account or disregard it, haha.

I recently posted a "rant" on Facebook (I don't know if it was actually a rant or not). I always feel super exposed whenever I write things like that on Facebook. It's really a bad feeling I get.

I want to just delete Facebook for good, to be honest.

Never really thought about it that way.

I never get bored. I'm in a constant state of procrastination.

I blame psychedelics.