Roll Call 181

Went well at the bank applying for a student line of credit! All goes well I’ll get it, then I can shuffle around my debt to low interest line of credit in one spot and pay off my debt quicker.

I’m excited but nervous. Should know if I’m approved in about four days.

I applied for a crypto VISA card.. They said my address wasn't valid cuz I took a picture of half of my work check. I'll need to try again.

I don't know anything about finance.. I think of the law as a 100% grey area.

Morning. Woke up early again. Had breakfast, not sure what to do today body is a bit tired.

I get depressed later on in the day. Super, super depressed.

I don’t feel right. I don’t feel normal.
Can I ever feel normal again?

I feel evil. I feel like I should know things. My thoughts are being blocked. I keep thinking maybe they were stolen out of my head. That doesn’t make sense though.

But I can’t explain now I feel like I’m missing something.

I also keep thinking the meds are poison. They’re ****ing with my brain. I already took them tonight but idk.

I go for another blood test this week. I talk to my doctor next Monday.

I just need to last until next week. See how I feel. I don’t want to feel this way again. Distracted and out of sorts. Paranoid and delusional. I hate it.

But on the other hand it feel right and real and like my eyes are open....

Ugh this is so confusing.

I wish the ******* ****ing psychiatrist would ****ing call me already I’m getting sick of this ****.

I hate feeling this way. I’m so tired of it.

I'm sorry - I'm starting to feel the same way with my depression. It's like my mood just won't go uphill no matter what.

I’m sorry I know the feeling.

My mood right now is constantly on the brink of mania. I’m so tired of it. The lithium is helping but I don’t feel normal or stable at all yet. The doctor doesn’t want to do much until I talk to the psychiatrist. It’s been already about a month since he sent on the request.

I’m so tired of it all.

To help my depression tonight I burned a candle and listened to a record on high volume. Sorta helped. And then I vented a ton in my journal. Kinda helped too.

One dayyyy.. One day I will be happy

"Why not be happy now?" - Shut up brain!! I need no talk from you..

I woke up this morning a little sleepy (toss and turned all night) and then like a switch was hit I feel amazing and I feel super obsessed with money and savings and investing and debt.

I think I’m annoying my real life friends with all this talk.

Ha when I told my doctor yesterday I was obsessed and hyper focused on debt and saving money he said, “sounds boring.” Cracks me up hahahaha.

Sounds like a few of us are struggling right now.....

Yesterday I was kind of depressed. I am hoping today will be better but I don't know. I don't feel terribly motivated which is bad since I am at work!

Had a weird dream. Woke up feeling exhausted and thirsty. Only slept for 3 hours, I hope I’ll go back to sleep soon

Tapatalk is still not working for me.

Yeah not working for me either.

Talked to my psych today, she's gonna have the nurse call me about getting on the abilify injection and off my current meds since I have trouble taking them. Hopefully my insurance will cover it

I love my blender. Just made a frappe. It's like having McDonald's at home

A lot cheaper too!

Fully awake now, had around 6 hour of sleep, not that bad. I haven’t done yoga regularly lately, someone please shame me to do it

The company I work for is owned by a husband and wife. Today is the husband's birthday. So I sent him a Harry and David gift basket to his house (he works in NY, I live in CA so it wasn't like I could give it to him in person). He just got it and he really liked it. This makes me feel good today!

My new laptop arrived at my sister's house. I had it shipped to her so I didn't have to risk it getting stolen here. I haven't had anything stolen before I just wanted to be cautious since it's such an expensive item. I'll get it when I go to her house to sleep over this weekend

Yeah Blue_Bird! That sounds nice!

Hopefully I can go get my hair cut tomorrow. It's been well before the pandemic since I got it cut.

I got a notice today that there's going to be some activities coming up in the community room here. This Friday they're doing Sip and Paint, so I guess there will be like beverages of some sort and painting, plus music.

and on the 31st they're having an Easter egg paint off and we'll be having Spaghetti and garlic knots.