Roll Call 181

I also feel like, to some extent, I am untangling the psychosis knot. It seems like a lot of my behaviors these days, although not many people can see it, are related to my past psychotic episodes. The impulsivity is related, I think. I am not blaming it on that, but it's certainly a factor.

What's been helping me lately in living the good life is pursuing gratifications and seeking something outside of my own head to contribute to or otherwise do. I have been teaching as a volunteer, which is something outside of myself, and that has been good. I have also been trying to reach out to friends. That is also good. It is hard, but good.

I also made some more music yesterday.

Hey don’t delete. You can log out for a while if you feel like it but don’t delete!

Think of it as a little hiatus.

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We’d miss you sooo dearly BB. So dearly.

Maybe take a hiatus?

You are the positive pinnacle of this little group and have been an established positivity source for ALL of us.

Blue Bird, I get the impulse to delete and isolate when depressed. It’s understandable. But we’re here for you always. You’re a pinnacle in our little community here and it wouldn’t be the same without your shining self.

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I’m so incredibly sad

Everything going on with my sister believing into this cult mindset she’s subscribed to with this alternative medicine guru person and telling my mom she is going to die from the vaccine.

Every year I get older my family grows further and further apart. My parents divorcing was when I started to get sick with my mental health and I've never found my footing in life after that.

I still don’t know who I am after all these years and I don’t really have anyone but my dad to lean on, family-wise.

I don't know if it's any consolation. However, you're a cool person. Don't forget that.

I think the pharmacy is trying to poison me.

But there’s a small part says they aren’t and my meds are normal.

Ugh I’m so confused.

I’m trying so hard to distract myself and I cant

Hugs...if you decide to go just leave the account open a couple of weeks until you’re sure, but I hope you don’t leave.

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Today sucks

And I don’t feel well physically either

I would miss you Blue_Bird. Even if you only want to post occasionally that's okay! I hope you feel better soon.

HUGS newtus

I’m scared

I’m gonna die man

I give up

I give up

I can’t do it

I can’t

I try so hard to be ok and it's like I can't. I keep drinking water cuz my mouth is dry. Now I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Now I'm afraid I'm gonna die cuz my stomach will burst. I'm praying at the top of my lungs to god to save me. Hearing voices. It's all BS it really is and I just want to be ok. I just want to be ok.

I just want to be ok. I just want things to be ok. I’m a fckn nervous wreck. I been for 2 days.

I'm sorry newtus that you are struggling so much right now. Can you see your T? Can you call your Dad and ask him to come over?

Thank you everyone for all that you’ve said. You’re all really kind. I appreciate it maybe instead of deleting my account I’ll just take a break for a little while till I’m feeling better. Thanks guys

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Love you! I hope you feel better soon. If you ever wanted to chat we’re always here.

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No he’s working. Everyone’s working.

Hey it’s okay. Start with some slow deep breaths.

Maybe try to call your doctor?

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We are always here for you Blue_Bird. You mean the world to us!

When did you see your therapist last? Can you make an appointment?

My nephew is a senior in High School this year and they are taking their senior school trip to El Salvador. He will be gone all of Easter break plus three days.

Kids these days. When I was in high school the only trip we ever went on was the next town over to go bowling.

Nowadays my high school has trips going to Europe and ****.

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