Roll Call 182

You can do it Cog! You've been learning for so long that your brain isn't mush.. Make a reward for yourself to do after the exam..

It's only 2pm. Gonna make another strong coffee to mix with nicotine and dextroamphetamine.

Stimulants are my love.. They have always loved me too..

I got my weighted blanket!!! Yay 😃

I stopped drinking alcohol. Because it’s probably not a good idea to drink it with the amount of meds I’m on even if it is only occasionally.

"Idiopathic hypersomnia (IH) is a sleep disorder characterized by excessive daytime sleepiness, often despite excessive sleep duration. Patients with IH, who are pathologically hypersomnolent, often experience impairments in attention, organization, and cognitive tasks, similar to patients with ADHD."

So idk if it's the antipsychotics that cause my hypersomnia - I'm 90% sure that they do.. I was only officially diagnosed with schizophrenia + Scribbled down writings of other mental disorders..

But schizophrenia also has executive dysfunction - Problem with attention, organization, goal setting, cognitive tasks, frustration, impatience etc.. The antipsychotics and stimulant help with this.

But right now I'm just figuring this stuff out. I'm getting much better which has only started after my really bad trip - It caused me a lot of hell like dissociative panic attacks but other things are better like depression - And I've been cognitively training myself on my own.. Researching it all.

Might go for a walk.. Sun shining..

Edit: Crap I forgot I'm in quarantine.

Finished my exam! I’m pretty sure I passed. I feel good about it.

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My mom called me acting like she wanted to "just talk". But she tricked me into talking about how me telling my sister that she was upset about my sister shaming her for the covid shot. Completely tricked me into it. I was so upset and annoyed. She wants to pick fights with me. I hate that. It's toxic and my inner physical core just felt like I was gonna be consumed by evil. That's how fearful I got just now.

Toxic crappy family. That’s what it is. Complete toxicity. COMPLETELY.

I never should’ve answered the phone.

I keep forgetting but tomorrow I’m gonna make sure to ask if I can use the treadmills here. I want to start exercising. I hope they say yes. I really need to get more physically active

Exercise can help your sleep too!

I watched NBC skiing & ice skating today on tv & it made me feel calm & happy. The performers were so awesome, so beautiful to watch.

Ruminating a little bit tonight. Not quite as bad as other nights. But still doing it.

These last two exams have been rough. Not that the courses were super hard or anything, but just with my mental state. I wrote my ethics exam with almost no studying while manic. And this C++ one I’ve been obsessive about other things and largely distracted.

But they’re done. And I feel my mood is stabilizing. Finally. I’m not perfect but I’m getting there. I have two new courses starting May 1st. Gives me a little bit of a break to stabilize myself more.

Appointment with psychiatrist is Tuesday morning. And doctor next Monday afternoon.

I feel the lithium is helping me a lot. I hope things get even better for me.

I had 2 chicken strips, a little plain yogurt and a banana for dinner earlier tonight but my stomach is growling like crazy right now

I'm doing a 30 day meditation challenge and documenting it on my blog

I ate too much sugar now I feel numb. My mom bought a magazine for me to read about sugar. I read a bit of it.

Anyone else deal with toxic family members?

I did... but my family from my dads side of the family are blocked and I don't deal with them anymore.

Sorry to hear that

I'm gonna try getting a dentist appointment tomorrow, my tooth is killing me, I'm due for a cleaning/exam anyway

I need to start wearing my glasses. I need new glasses because my prescription changed a bit but won't be able to get them till like May. But anyway, in the meantime I need to actually start wearing my glasses. I walk around not wearing them for some reason and my eyesight is really bad so I'm walking around half blind most of the time. I don't know what I'm thinking

I don't like wearing glasses + Without glasses, I can't see anything cuz my eyesight is so bad... I've been wearing contact lenses every day for 12 years lol.. I need to take breaks sometimes so my eyes get oxygen but I keep forgetting.

I've always wanted to try contacts. I've never used them before. I would feel weird putting something in my eye, but maybe I'd get used to it

I ordered some sunscreen. I want to get out in the sun more

omg I have like this insatiable hunger on Abilify, nothing satisfies me. I ate dinner, then I ate cereal later because I was hungry and my stomach was growling, now it's 1:25am and I'm hungry again

Another interesting day..