Roll Call 185

This! All of this! Thank you!

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I'm in a weird mood today. Can't really pin point what it's about. I'm not anxious although I'm concerned about my elderly little dog as she continues to decline cognitively. Maybe that's what it is. I'm worried. The vet increased her anti-anxiety meds on Thursday and as long as they are in her system, she sleeps which is actually normal behavior for her--napping all the time. (She even hates walks.) She is blind and I'm worried she may be losing her hearing now which might explain her anxiety.

Well, for now she is comfortable, napping in her "bagel bed." So that's good.

My sister came over yesterday evening and we watched The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It which wasn't bad. My sister and I both prefer the first movie in the series.

I wanted to share for anyone here who is on Olanzapine (Zyprexa) and have had weight gain, I have found a ketogenic diet has cured me of the increased appetite. I've lost 32 pounds of the weight I gained on this medication. It's also cleared out the brain fog I've experienced. (I'm still sleepy though.)

Thank you everyone here for being here for all of us. This group has been so helpful to me.

Ceara

I thought that movie was good too! My fiancé and I watched it.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Yeah it was really nice of her

I just watched Elf. Haven't seen it in like 10 years or more

I'm debating whether I should get off perphenazine or not. I mean, I'd like to be on less meds. But at the same time I have zero side effects and I'm doing good on them all so I wonder if it's worth messing with

I'm currently trying to cut back on sugar. It's difficult. The cravings are intense, but I'm gonna try to push through it

I know how u feel. My sugar cravings are so incredibly bad that I drank from a bottle of syrup. I’m a sugar addict.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Just sent my dad a punkpost card for father’s day, I so love their cards 😀

If you're having no side effects, no reason not to stick with it. I hate the physical act of taking pills but....I've learned not to mess with things if I'm not miserable. Ended up f*cking myself over too many times.

If you’re going to do it, then do it under supervision....these meds almost always cause a relapse if you stop too fast.

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The lack of sleep from waking up at 7am every day (When I usually wake up at 11am) is giving me heart palpitations only during the seconds of when I'm in between wakefulness and falling asleep.

It bothers me so much and it's all I can think about. It makes me upset like "If I'm going to die soon, why bother with anything?".

Maybe I shouldn't be on a stimulant if this is happening.. But I have bad chronic fatigue/hypersomnia, ADHD and it helps with negative symptoms. I wouldn't be doing this good without it.

I don't want to get my heart checked with a wearable device because what if I have a heart problem? I don't want to know.. because then that = no stimulant. But also, I'm afraid to exercise too much without knowing.

I feel bad that I can't even work like a normal person without wanting to die or going the other way around by having anxious thoughts that I'm risking my life by standing up too long cuz of POTS or something. It never ends.

I miss ketamine. I was at the end of my injection when I used it 6 months ago and it made me completely psychotic/manic for a night so I took olanzepine and clonazepam to sleep and woke up fine.. (My mom flushed it).

But it would be nice to replace alcohol when I want to socialize.. I'm starting to get more social anxiety now that I'm more aware etc.. Idk.. I need to talk to people. I miss my dad. I hope he visits soon.

I'm afraid of getting the Moderna vaccine because I'm 99% sure that it will cause heart inflammation for people my gender and age.

The problem of the palpitations is no.1 I shouldn't be waking up so early unless I'm hunting for food... and no.2 stress from society and no.3 lack of exercise.

All of those things would be solved if I lived in a tribe 10,000 years ago.

I would have been a shaman too damn it

I would’ve be a shaman too.....

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Now we're sitting, looking through windows with cameras on them just devices everywhere.. We went to deep into the realm.. We are above now.. Need to bring our spirits into lower realms but oh no - There's higher realms than this? Do we go up or down? Side ways, inside out..

Ah yes.. Pattern recognition and neurotransmitter molecules and brain chemistry can guide us now.. Philosophy, physical matter and particles in the west and metaphysical spirituality, consciousness in the east.. Idk.

I try to focus on something and there's dogs fighting or circus clowns dancing in the corners of my eyes (Just an example) and a loud ringing noise going EEEEE..

It just doesn't stop... And I guess scientific/religious guides/psychology can allow us to live peacefully from sensations of the closest objective reality that we all have.. But everyone will forever disagree.. Maybe we need an AI God with order and a little chaos to keep us entertained - But there's always constant pain if we don't do it right and relax, be grateful and mindful.. Maybe this is the best time to live - And it should be.. Because this is all we're gonna get.

Much love SP ^-;

We could have made *anything* and instead we created taxes and credit scores. This is the leviathon. I can't even work myself out of it, it's just eternal bondage until the day I die. *que satanic music.

My whole body hurts from waking up so early. I took 0.375mg of alprazolam, half a zopiclone and weed yesterday evening - Went to sleep. That should keep the heart palpitations away.. I had a bad sleep paralysis.. something to do with calcium channels in the brain..

Last day of work this week though. I go back on Friday.

Hugs, SP. I'm so sorry.

I'm very depressed, don't know why but I wish I could go home. I'm going to put blue moo in my tank later.

I don’t feel good

I’m nervous kinda idk why and I’m having facial tics

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I’m in the mood to bake but I’m trying to lay off the sweets some so I’ll probably wait till July. I’ll bake some homemade chocolate chip cookies for my sister and keep a few for myself, that’s how I keep myself from eating a whole batch of cookies in one sitting, giving most of them away lol

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