Roll Call 189

I'm having really bad tremors, I missed my abilify injection Monday, not intentionally. But I'm getting it this coming Monday.

You’re having food for days!

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The turkey is done. It was done like 45 minutes before expected. But the red thermometer came out and I also took the temperature and it’s the right temp. I guess times can vary depending on your oven.

I’m glad I was able to get it out of the oven without dropping the entire thing. It is really heavy and the pan I bought to roast it from the dollar store is really flimsy.

Turkey came out a little dry. Oh well. At least I made it. I can use the leftovers for turkey and mayo sandwiches. Maybe the mayo will help get rid of the dryness.

I'm proud of myself for eating a plate of food. I was just gonna eat a protein bar and call it a day

I feel angry/agitated and don't know why

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I enjoy being alive.. It is interesting.

I still have lots to do on the computer - But haven't touched it up today.. Maybe later.

I took phenibut and a stim capsule, smoked plant then took a .25 kpin - felt overwhelmed. I bought some cider..

I plan to just make the computer an addiction. I just like to be relaxed physically and focused mentally.

I'm not sure about the direction of which my life is.. Idk if I'll die tomorrow, 5 years.. But so many people are suffering greatly - I'm lucky, for now..

Time to listen to more Christmas music and play some videogames

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Spiritually.., I am missing something. And I explain it here through my posts. My posts are a cry for help. I wait...

I WAIT.. for better days.. But I've waited too long. So I am talking into the void, consumed by it.. Like falling into a black hole. Not even light can escape.

Kitty is up now, she is in my lap purring, she took a long nap after running around the apartment like a maniac all day

I ordered a 24pk cans of Zevia ginger ale, it's ginger ale sweetened with stevia instead of sugar and is zero calories. So it's a little healthier than regular soda. They have a cream soda flavor I've had before and that was good so hopefully this is good too

Plus a big bag of trail mix

I'm going to start walking like 30 minutes a day

I need to get off of clonazepam. It saps my motivation and energy.

Also, I don't know why I was thinking of not seeing my therapist anymore. She is helpful.

2nd time the cat has knocked the curtains down today, she climbs up them

I legitimately cannot sleep without my thorazine. It's ridiculous. If I don't take it I'm up half the night and maybe get 1-2 hours of very light broken sleep

I feel highly agitated because my abilify shot is a week late and I didn't take thorazine the past 2 days and I skipped one of my perphenazine last night too

I guess I'll just accept I'm on 3 APs. I mean wtf. One is only for sleep because my insurance won't cover ambien, and even if it did I wouldn't feel comfortable taking it. The other two are for psychosis and mood. My doctor said the goal is to keep me out of the hospital

They're not super high doses or anything. The abilify shot is 400mg, perphenazine is 12mg, and the thorazine is 200mg

Maybe I should just come off the abilify shot, I don't know what it's doing for me anyway. Since I'm getting better at swallowing pills, it's kind of obsolete now. I mean, the whole reason I went on it was so I could get off my other APs because I wanted to take less physical pills. But I'm doing better with swallowing pills now

Yeah when I talk to my doctor on the 2nd I'm gonna ask her about coming off the abilify.

Sorry for rambling. I'll keep taking my prescribed meds until she says I can come off one

Going downstairs and getting ginger ale. Feeling nauseous again

I fell asleep and didn't get to watch the 4th hour of my anti anxiety show. The fitted bed sheet is all messed up. It won't stay on.

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Its freezing cold, rainy and windy outside right now

Now it’s snowing 😃

It’s snowing here too!

Good day today

There was no snow here yet and I wish I had fresh pita bread to fill with turkey mayo and cranberries. It's crap being stuck in here.

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I used to cook and stuff pitas with it. I don't know why they've never given us lima beans to eat. Too expensive? I used to make chana dal and stuff it into pitas. And curried cauliflower and peas. I love that. I wonder if I'll ever be able to cook again.

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I'm overwhelmed that I'm wasting time. I will smoke some plant and see if it helps (I'm terrible at knowing which type of self medicating is good or bad for me - As obvious as you already know..).

I drank cider but it made me feel spaced out - So I'm just going to quit alcohol completely. It makes me feel BAD. I have to quit, not because I like it too much - But because it's bad for my mental health.

I think I get as much exercise out of playtime with the kitty as she does, damn I'm out of shape