Roll Call 189

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm not taking the Vyvanse in the morning. I'll try and make it to work on time. I don't want to be too awake, dealing with people.

I'm really struggling. I don't have any will to explain anything. What I think just feels like nonsense. I feel like I have no connection to anyone that understands me.

The world is a mess. My mind is a mess. I don't even want to type here but I have to try and explain at least something. I'm traumatized. Life is a bad trip. I try to push through, hating myself for avoiding life and then dealing with the consequences of that + I keep making the same mistakes.

It's too complicated of a mess. I could write and talk forever - It goes around in circles. I need a therapist but I'm not sure why.

I don't know what to do any time of the day - I try to figure things out for my own unique situation. I wish I was dead - Or that none of this existed. I've been crying today just like a few days ago.

I know I act like an idiot sometimes to everyone. I'm starting from the ground up - But no one had the cognitive disability that I've had since a kid. I feel like I don't understand anything. Deep down, I see what is wrong. It's like I'm in a box and can't get out - Everyone else is on the outside.

I'm gonna try and sleep - To escape. I want help but I don't know if anyone can really help me. I'm not trying to be dramatic or anything. I'm solipsistic. I'm tired and exhausted - So is everyone right? Why does that matter if no one is actually real? So yeah..

Desoxyn...that box feeling, I’ve only ever heard that in people on APs without psychosis. I know you’ve had psychosis though but I wonder if you’re on too high a dose? How is your current pdoc about lower the injection?

What cognitive disability do you have?

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Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I feel bad too. I don't want to work anymore, just seems meaningless honestly. I don't know why. Just does.

Is the job related to your skill set? (Translation) For me I have to be doing something with meaning.

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Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Is the job related to your skill set? (Translation) For me I have to be doing something with meaning.

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For me helping others holds meaning.....can you figure out how you’re contributing in your work?

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Desoxyn · Dec 10, 2021, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Desoxyn...that box feeling, I’ve only ever heard that in people on APs without psychosis. I know you’ve had psychosis though but I wonder if you’re on too high a dose? How is your current pdoc about lower the injection?

What cognitive disability do you have?

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My mom says that I always feel "tired" for a few days at the start of the injection. I tried to ask my psychiatrist about lowering it but my mom said its a bad idea - So he listened to her instead of me. I'm going to ask him one more time again - Alone this time. To lower it to a medium dose because I'm on the MAX dose every 9 weeks instead of 12 weeks + 10mg of olanzepine! If he doesn't do it, I'm going off the injection cold turkey.

I feel fine today though. I took Vyvanse when I got to work. I think my psychosis is mostly just agitation and frustration + Lack of spiritual awakening (Autism).

I didn't have a learning disability but almost did. My math averaged in 90+% though so I always passed classes.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 12:12 PM

Hi friends. Bored at work again today. Need something to do. My kitty Helen is at the vet for her ears. A checkup. My Dad took her. She had bacteria in her ears last time she was there for her wellness exam so we gave her ear drops for a week. Now we need to see if the ear drops did any good or if she has an infection. I hope my baby is okay.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 12:14 PM

On the good side of things though she hasn't been excessively scratching at her ears or anything so I think she would be doing some of that if she had an infection.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 12:14 PM

Got Britbox. Been watching Shetland and Death in Paradise.

Desoxyn · Dec 10, 2021, 12:27 PM

I was told that the schizophrenia was caught early but Abilify made me super paranoid for years.

No one asked how my family life was and only said "How are your symptoms? Have you been having odd thoughts lately?"

My dad didn't like the whole thing.

Desoxyn · Dec 10, 2021, 12:41 PM

I told my dad that I'm not dealing with schizophrenia anymore and he put his hands in the air and said "My God, good!". Cuz it's been a year now without psychosis. And the DP/DR is gone too (Which i find to be a much worse horror).

Blue_Bird · Dec 10, 2021, 02:32 PM

I have an inspection on Monday.... ugh

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I have an inspection on Monday.... ugh

It's going to be fine! No worries! Hakuna Matata! You always worry about the inspections and they always go fine. You're good. Don't stress. HUGS

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 02:34 PM

Helen is okay. No evidence of Bacteria in her ears.

Yeah! If we have to take her back for the same problem it will be $53 but since she isn't even itching her ears I think it will be fine.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 02:55 PM

Still waiting to see if Helen's pet insurance will reimburse me for the medication for the bacteria in her ears or at least put it towards her deductible. They aren't moving none too fast. I don't really care at this point but I hope they at least put it towards her deductible. Not that I anticipate having any other claims this year but it would be nice if it applied there because I pay so much for the insurance, but I learned my lesson with Esther getting diabetes. How I could have saved so much money by having her on insurance.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 02:56 PM

First Christmas without Esther in 16 years. Sad.

Blue_Bird · Dec 10, 2021, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

First Christmas without Esther in 16 years. Sad.

She's with you in spirit

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021, 03:13 PM

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SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 05:12 PM

I've spent the afternoon "window shopping" on my computer drooling at some Kate Spade merch. If only I wasn't broke from Christmas shopping! Lol. I found some ballet flats that are adorbs. And a really cute tote. Maybe I will get a bonus this year and spend it entirely on impractical things. Lol!

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I've spent the afternoon "window shopping" on my computer drooling at some Kate Spade merch. If only I wasn't broke from Christmas shopping! Lol. I found some ballet flats that are adorbs. And a really cute tote. Maybe I will get a bonus this year and spend it entirely on impractical things. Lol!

Impractical things are so nice ❤️

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021, 05:41 PM

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SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 05:51 PM

Is that some kind of cacti SP? Pretty.

SlumberKitty · Dec 10, 2021, 05:53 PM

I like your tree photo too, SP. Looks cold though. It rained here yesterday after threatening to all day. It was nice. It finally felt like winter. (It's been unseasonably warm here in So CA thanks to a La Nina weather pattern.) I hope next Sunday is nice. Not too hot and not too cold because I am taking my Dad to SOFI stadium to see the Rams play. It's his Christmas gift. Never been to a professional football game before. I'm not sure how it will be. But I'll be with my Dad so I know I will have fun. Just hope I don't freeze. The game is like at 1 PM though so perfect. At least it isn't a night game.

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Is that some kind of cacti SP? Pretty.

Hen and chick succulent....they’ll over winter here....

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Sometimes psychotic · Dec 10, 2021, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I like your tree photo too, SP. Looks cold though. It rained here yesterday after threatening to all day. It was nice. It finally felt like winter. (It's been unseasonably warm here in So CA thanks to a La Nina weather pattern.) I hope next Sunday is nice. Not too hot and not too cold because I am taking my Dad to SOFI stadium to see the Rams play. It's his Christmas gift. Never been to a professional football game before. I'm not sure how it will be. But I'll be with my Dad so I know I will have fun. Just hope I don't freeze. The game is like at 1 PM though so perfect. At least it isn't a night game.

It’s fifty something and rainy here so cold but not icy cold

. I haven’t been to a pro football game either although I did go to the stadium for an international soccer game. Hope you have fun

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